Saturday, April 2, 2011

Going Saling, Garage Saling...

I've never been involved in a garage sale before. I've always had too much respect for my belongings and never wanted to rid myself of things in the past, however that was all different this past weekend here in sunny Glendale, Arizona. This weekend marked the day of the semi annual garage sale for the Arrowhead area.

I've been selling things, one way or another, all of my life. Whether it was selling me to a used car manager to win his favor or romancing a customer on a 1997 Buick Regal that I had owned for 8 years. So selling is nothing new to me, but garage sale selling was new. I pride myself on being a fast study and picked up the momentum rather quickly. At first, I watch LJ and learned the attitude of the sale. It was a friendly one. Most people wanted to begin by mentioning the 95 degree temperatures and the direct sun. Usually a good ice breaker. There many interesting sizes and shapes attending and LJ wasted no time mentioning to me in an undertoned whisper that that ladies boobs were bought and installed. I enjoyed pointing out a toupee or two by mentioning that you really can't tell!

The story that I'm about to tell you was my favorite of the day. In 1987 I married my second wife. Along with her was a teenage daughter and an ice cream maker. One of those electric ones. (The ice cream maker, not the daughter) We used it one time and it was just awful. It created an ice cream that was neither solid of soft. When you froze it, it became a mass of solid ice and when you let it melt, it was a puddle of sugary milky water. Basically, it was a failure. In 1991 that wife went on her way, but didn't think enough of the ice cream maker to take it along on the journey. I was pretty much stuck with it. I stored it, moved it and stashed it away in a lot of curious and out of the way places. When I moved in with LJ, I found myself placing it on the garage shelf and when she screamed "GARAGE SALE TIME", I knew it was going to be a sale item.

Friday morning it stood proudly on the table waiting for an interested buyer with a sale price of $5 marked on it. This thing must have cost over $50 new. Towards the end of the second day, it was still standing, although not so proudly, as things around it were quickly disappearing as they went to their new homes. Along comes a heavy set woman that was wearing a plain white men's T-shirt and her Wrangler wearing husband, both in their 70's and both right off the farm. She asked if I had the owner's book along with it? No I replied, otherwise we'd be asking an extra dollar. She said without it, it wasn't worth anything. I asked if she got the Internet and he piped up with a proud, yes! All you have to do is look up the instructions and ingredients on how to make home made ice cream. This confused the elderly lady, while her husband was saying, "We can do that"! Mom interrupted with, "that's too confusing for us". I said, how about I knock 5 bucks off the price and you just take it for free. NO, she replies. "Without that instruction book it's of no use to us"! She was getting angry now. I said, "I'll throw in $5, but that's my last offer"! No, even more exasperated, she replies, when suddenly Pops takes over and grabs the ice cream maker and says, "We'll take it for free and you don't have to give us no money"... Do I know how to make a sale or what?

That pretty much summed up my career, I had a lot of fun, but never did make a lot of money.

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