Thursday, December 30, 2010

The HAWK!!!

I just came back from a trip to the downtown area of Phoenix, on a day when the mercury did not go up in it's normal fashion. What I'm trying to say is, it was frickin' cold! I saw things that I've never seen before and had a hard time getting my 64 year old mind wrapped around it. The thing that stands out most in my mind, was a homeless woman, who I originally thought to be an alcoholic by the red tone to her face, wrapped up tightly in a blanket, sitting on a bus stop bench with clearly nowhere to go. Then I realized she was red because of the severe cold. For us it was blistering cold. My car temperature read it to be 51 degrees, but I passed an outside temperature reading of 48 and that was at 3 PM. Here is another look that you folks in the rest of the country except Florida and Southern California, have probably seen, but here in the Valley of the Sun, we've not had a chance to enjoy until today, are the people that wear a baseball cap and a hoody over it, creating the look of a duck-billed platypus walking down the street! Now that's a fashion statement.

Arriving at my appointment, I opened the door to my car and immediately the wind grabbed the door and sprung it to it's widest possible opening without breaking the hinge. Being from Chicago, a flashback came over me and without warning, I belched out the words, "THE HAWK" is back and after me! The hawk is the name given to the wind coming in off of Lake Michigan, that holds the city hostage for most of the winter months. Not a friendly wind by any means, it waits in unknown areas just waiting to pounce on unsuspecting tourists and take away their breath and hats, all in one smooth gasping motion. No, the HAWK was not a memory of passion, but of terror!

My next stop was to go to the grocery store, but I realized it was far too cold for anything but huddling under a blanket and out of the severe elements. Do you think I've been here in the sunshine too long?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

It Finally Came Today!!!

In 1996, I married a woman. A very charming lady that loved me as much as I loved her. Or so it seemed. When you join lives, certain things become obvious that otherwise would not be noticed. The thing that I noticed was that she literally had no friends. It wasn't because she wasn't a pleasant lady, she was. People liked her when they met her, but she didn't embrace their closeness and otherwise gave them the "deep freeze". I never understood this, but since she was warm and inviting to me, it really didn't effect me. She and her 2 sisters were bound at the hips, along with Mom who developed a 4 times a day calling habit, but only on days she wasn't with Mom, which was way too much for a newlywed.

When it came time to invite people for our wedding, she was at a loss, but filled in with people that worked for the same company that she had worked for, so most of our guests came from out of town. Basically, my friends and family were there and the rest were virtually strangers to both of us. They came from California in a big group, mostly travelling together and when the nuptials were, over they all split.

We lived our lives and about 5 years later, almost to the day, she advised me that she wasn't happy and 12 days later she was gone, lock, stock and barrel. With the exception of a 5 minute conversation initiated by me about 4 years ago, we never spoke and were never in touch................ever.

Getting back to the group that came for the wedding.. The same group of people started sending Christmas cards and as time went by, slowly but surely the number of cards from these strangers stopped. At this point I have been divorced from the lovely lady for 9 years and still, to this day and I mean today, I got the Christmas card that still shows up every year. Now what am I supposed to do? Notify them that the recipient of their card and myself are no longer known to each other or just hope that one day the cards will stop? Last year I almost wrote them a note, but stopped when I realized how awkward it felt. Is there some pride attached to having a long Christmas Card List and these total strangers don't want their list lowered by even one? Or are they waiting for me to return their wedding gift to get their attention? Anyway, if anyone out there happens to know the Edingtons, please tell them to cool it! Thanks...

Ralph Lloyd Juriansz--Dishonest Dentist

I just got a call from the Arizona Board of Dentistry. First she confirmed that I was indeed who she was calling then progressed to giving me the follow up information concerning my complaint against a Ralph Lloyd Juriansz. The Board found in my favor and some monies in restitution have been found due to me in settlement, however I did not attend the hearing and didn't supply the amount of money that I am inconvenienced by the entire fiasco. However she added a caveat. The caveat was that the good dentist in question took the high road and split. His office in Scottsdale is closed and his residence has been abandoned. Basically he has disappeared into thin air. What the kind lady was telling me was, I can pursue this action and win, however the point is moot because they cannot find dishonest dentist to collect from and he has taken the high road, along with my $3500.

So this story will go down in the archives as one of those "would have, should have" things that clearly explain why you should research every professional that you deal with, but I know going forward that I will probably not do anything differently, but that just me. I'm just sayin'....

*Footnote- I just knew something was amiss when the Chase Bank reversed their decision in my dispute for the $3500. I suspect they realized that "dishonest dentist" was long gone and came after me to collect.

Friday, December 24, 2010

I Wonder if they have for Cats???

Well I just got the "down low" on Braveheart. Yes Braveheart, the cross dressing kitty that won my heart a few days ago. Here I was singing sweet nothings to this little girl, when all the while she/he is a transvestite kitty. Yesterday, he/she spent the entire day with me, cuddled up under my arm as I watched TV, only because he/she was asleep and I didn't want to awaken her/him. Kitty, who I had re-named "Needie", since he/she was so dependent upon me, or so it seemed, at some point got a little too gassy for me and hopped off my lap and went to the door. I got the message! About 2 hours later he/she was back for the evening, only to get that prowling look in his/her eye, so I let Needie out again. At 10:30, I was tucked tightly in bed reading, when Needie was at the sliding door again just howling up a storm, but he/she was getting too dependent upon me, so I let him/her howl and about 3 minutes later he/she was gone.

This morning he/she was back, but I didn't acknowledge "it's" presence, but went about my business. At some point I went out to get my mail this afternoon and saw a young lady coming out of the house two doors down. I stopped her and asked if the tan cat that hangs around the streets were hers? She said, no. but it belongs to one of her roommates, another young girl and she told me her name and that she had had Braveheart for many years, since she were a little girl. So much for Needie being neither a girl or youthful. This cross dressing kitty, female impersonator, is no spring chicken either. Just as I was standing there chatting with this lady, guess who walks up to us, not knowing who to approach first. but Braveheart. He takes one look at the situation and walks calmly away, as only a cat can, and walks into the open garage 3 doors down and enters the house like he owns the place. It turns out that Braveheart sleeps around!

Now that I realize what a two timing cat, Braveheart is, I thought I could just go to the pound and get my own kitty, when suddenly I remembered I don't even want a cat!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I Don't Even Know Her Name...

I really don't know what's wrong with me, but again for the second time in my life, I find myself having an affair. She's cute too. She lives two door down from me, which is better than last time, when she lived next door. I was ashamed then and I'm just as ashamed this time, although it's at least 45 years that have passed since the first. The word adorable never meant anything to me until I met her. It might be love!

Today, she snuck away and spent the entire afternoon with me, checking out my place here. Most of the time she was close to me and sometimes almost intimate. I can't seem to tell her no. She cuddles up with me and sits on my lap and I can't resist her. Oh, the ways the feminine gender have about them. As I mentioned, she resides 2 doors down from my current place, but I'm moving from here and not a minute too soon. That will put an end to this madness. Whenever I walk down to my mailbox cluster, she's out in her driveway with some guy and she doesn't look at me, nor I at her, but I nod to the dude she's with. She just goes about her business like I don't mean a thing to her and it actually hurts my feeling to not speak to her. But it is for the best, I'm sure. Soon this escapade with be over and she can go back to her everyday existence. I'll forget her when I don't see her everyday too.

She just left, I opened the door and she snuck out into the night, to her place. She'll be back tomorrow though. For dinner we split a steak and I found myself feeding her by hand, in that romantic way we do when we're in love.. I'm in deeper than I intended. I thought it would be a few laughs and a little petting, but it's gotten out of hand. I'm going to miss this one, I'm sure!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Correction, Retraction or Some Damned Thing...

It appears that my obnoxious plea to Qwest was heard by the powers that be and a gentleman named Rich actually phoned me the following day. He was a gentleman and did his very best to resolve my current dilemma. He credited my $69.23 that was created without warrant and asked if there were anything else he could do to satisfy me. I thanked him and he referred me to his website, "" in the future if there are any future problems. So it turns out that the squeaky wheel sometimes gets oil. At least it did this time! Now if we can convince Chase Bank to operate more legitimately, it would be a good Christmas.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A Clear and Present Danger...

Addy 51

There is a strange phenomenon going on around these here parts and I think it's kind of strange. Suddenly, without warning, I'm being accosted by youthful attractive women. Keep in mind my 64.8 years when reading the word "youthful" as that word can be subjective depending where you got on and where you're getting off! The ages are 47, 47
and 51. There was another one aged 49, whose picture is currently not available. Four is enough for me to create a phenomenon.

Here's what I think is going on. I think these lovely ladies just realized they were going to awaken Christmas day alone unless they make some strong aggressive arrangement right now, thus creating the urgency being displayed. Here lies the problem though. Not a single one of them was able to form an interesting sentence when writing to me. Their emails consisted of one line introductions and some with misspelled words. The one not pictured, a Paula, was a genuine psycho that recently escaped from a loony bin.

One of our ladies, one of the 47 year olds, Lilly had made me a favorite on Match and then went immediately invisible, meaning she hid her profile. One day it appeared on my screen and it was one of those negative profiles, describing how she is really too good for this silly website, but is reduced to using it to find a mate and then went ahead and told of all the things she doesn't like about men. Because it was late and she was kind of cute and little, only 5' tall, I sent her a wink. The next morning there was an email from her waiting for me, saying "What are you going to do, keep on winking until you develop a tick in your eye"? Pretty attractive, huh? I sent her a reply explaining the beauty of Sarcasm and how it should be applied. I'll paste it on here for your reading experience.

How to Win Friends & Influence People.
It's apparent to me that your experience in sarcasm is limited and unaccomplished. Please don't take offense, but sarcasm, like a delicate bird, must be treated like a fine wine. Nurtured and hinted at, without a direct hit. You can never open with sarcasm, as it puts the recipient on notice that there is more to come. But, in fact, it needs to be slipped in like a sharp sabre, unnoticed until you twist said instrument, for a maximum effect.

You are somewhat of a mystery to me, but I'm not sure I want to follow this mystery to the end. Like a moth dancing around a bright light, you flicker in and out of Match availability not knowing where to light. From a distant standpoint, you made me a "favorite", but were unavailable for inspection, then bopped in and bopped out.

So Lilly, What's up with you?

Her reply said she likes to learn something new everyday. Huh, WTF? That was her reply to my delicate, fragile email? I was DONE! She will be alone for Christmas, I'm sure!

The others were similar, yet different but don't warrant discussing here. Addy was sexy and provocative, but left a lot to be desired in her dialogue with me. I guess I'll be alone for Christmas too.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Why is Qwest still in Business?

It seems that the only way I get my problems with Qwest resolved is to advertise on this blog, about how inefficient they are. I'm a relatively new customer with them, but won't be when I move, hopefully. I don't recall ever having been treated this poorly in past business with similar companies. Cox padded my bill repeatedly, but as long as you police it, they stop. Qwest is just plain dumb! They must not pay very well, because the people working for them haven't been able to figure out the internal workings of their own system. I've dealt with numerous employees of Qwest that were never able to help me in the least, but each and every one of them concluded that problems were solved, only for them to appear blatantly the following month. Here's the deal, Lucille! Every month I get about 2 bills from them. This in itself is wrong, but I pay each one. Sometimes, it's a credit for about 40 bucks and others are a bill for about $50 to $80. I pay them the day that I receive them. Once, I got a bill that said -$40 and paid it thinking it was a bill, but it was a credit. I never got a refund, just more credits, along with more bills.

Yesterday, I got a bill for $69.23 and it was with a different account number that I'd never seen. Now if I pay every bill the day that it comes, how can this be my past due bill? The bill said it was painfully in arrears and if I didn't pay it immediately it would impact my credit adversely, plus they were going to disconnect my service! Oh shit! I called the number on the bill and they said my account was perfect, but they were Direct TV. They gave me the number of Qwest and I talked to about 3 more reps, none of which were the correct department, but still wanted to hear it all. Then they would connect me to another useless employee in another wrong department, until I finally got Jason. Jason would not connect me with a supervisor, in spite of me being on my knees begging, without hearing the entire story once again. After which, he put me on forever "hold", you know the one where they play their brainwashing into your ear, over and over again. Finally Jason comes back and begs my patience again and goes for lunch, I think, because that time he was gone forever and a day! When he came back, I begged for a return call while he does his magic and he agrees and says he'll call me back before 5 PM, but never said which day, because he sure as hell didn't call me back yesterday or today. Then today, Qwest has the nerve to send me a questionnaire asking how Jason did on my phone call yesterday. Jason must have been someones nephew that was higher but got what he deserved, a horrible report from me, because that's exactly the service that I got. Good Day Madam, I said Good Day!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Out All Night Again...

After a wonderful evening out last night, I drove home on the 101 without having to worry about cops and not worrying about having a hangover this morning and being able to think clearly about the evenings offerings, I don't regret giving up drinking one bit! That's one battle I've won!

The evening started out with me bringing my vacuum cleaner over to the Lovely Jules' home and we headed out to the neighborhood open air market that takes place in the shopping center that Tutti Santi's is in. So naturally after shopping a tad, not me, but Jules, we settled onto their charming patio for a glass of wine. Again, not me, but Jules. I enjoyed a Diet Coke and the environment along with the company. Since there were not another paying customer in the entire restaurant, we had enough service to choke a horse. An army of wait staff brought us menus and water and rolls and butter and I think we felt bad not ordering dinner, so we did. We decided to share one entree, as neither of us were hungry enough to eat an entire meal. The waiter asked if we wanted to split the food ourselves or if we wanted it done in the kitchen, but it was $3.95 more if they did it? Jules yelled, "hell no, not for four bucks!" (I hid under the table). When the laughter stopped we started again, just for general attitude. Our entree came and we split it right at the table, it was wonderful as would be expected for $23.95 for dead chicken. Julie still suffering from a gimp wrist, I did most of the carving. We ate, we laughed, we enjoyed the evening. When I returned from a rest room visit and a short talk with Matao, the owner's son, I found Jules entertaining an elderly gentleman, even older than I. They were discussing her camera that goes everywhere she goes and he was nice enough to take some pictures, as shown on this post. She was pretty busy duruing the time I was in the restroom, as she also, unknown to me, paid the entire check! That NEVER happens to me! So it appears that the Lovely Jules was extra Lovely last night!

When I was leaving I thought to take her old vacuum cleaner with me as they are seldom broken, just clogged up. This afternoon I took her vacuum apart to find enough dog hair to make at the very least a puppy, out of. I no sooner got it all put back together and my friendly neighborhood kitty came visiting, she must have smelled dog. I kind of lost track of kitty as I was assembling the vacuum, but found her all cuddled up in a spare bedroom in a bed that she asked if could be hers. I approved and that is where kitty is right now. In her room all cuddled up in her new bed, as displayed here.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Chance Meeting...

I ran into an old girlfriend of mine, an entrepreneur of sorts. She's on the verge of opening a new business and asked me if I'd play Guinea pig for her. We were at a grocery store when this chance meeting took place. If you know anything at all about me, grocery shopping and having your finger nail pulled out with a pliers fell under the same category. Her new business involves buying groceries for people, (she immediately had my attention) cooking it up into meals and packaging it for heating or storage. She made me an offer that I couldn't refuse. She said that if I pay for the groceries and she'll pick them out, she'll cook the food and present it to me in the ready to eat condition. I signed on the bottom line. While she was shopping her little heart out, I heard an announcement over the PA system that said, "FLU SHOTS $12."

When I arrived at the pharmacy section of Fry's, I was expecting a stampede, but was the only one there to get a shot. A pleasant young lady approached me and asked if she could assist me and I replied, "I'm here for the $10 flu shot"... She quizzically looked at me and said, "You mean the $12 flu shot?" I replied, that this was my beginning to my negotiation! She laughed and took my vital information. She asked me if I were allergic to anything and I replied, "Yes, Black Tar Heroine". She was laughing pretty good by the time she stuck me with the jagged, rusty needle! She informed me that I may experience a little stiffness from the shot, as she injected it into my muscle. About an hour later, as my useless arm hung swinging freely from my shoulder, I wondered if she did it on purpose, since I was such a smart ass? That sucker was SORE!

I met my friend at the check-out section and charged $118 on my card. She went home with my groceries and I went home with a sore arm, wondering if I'd ever hear from my lost groceries and my friend again. I'll keep you posted!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Grey Hair is Good on Schnauzers and Men...

A 53 year old woman named Veronica, made me a "favorite" on one of the dating services and I remained there for about a month, not responding because her gray hair was such a "turn off" to me. Eventually bored one night, I wrote her a cute little note, explaining that I was busy doing brain surgery, when a courier entered the operating room with an important note for me. It said that Veronica had made me a "favorite" and it required my immediate attention. She responded with some "small talk" and it was then that I slyly inquired as to why she didn't color her hair. In her note, she also inquired as to what scared me, thus the response, Kryptonite. I also told her that I lived quite a distance from her in Phoenix.

Her email was so confusing to me that I have just kept it, without replying simply because I don't have a clue as to what she's asking.

Hmmmm. I know that there is no such thing as coincidence or accidents. At least that's what I believe to be true. So when I read "Kryptonite" I immediately understood that not only does this guy "get me" but that this guy "really gets me". I've been accused of being somewhat similar to this material. "Force of nature" might be a less toxic quality. Hence my response, "oops". Another one bites the dust. Then, I see your email on my computer this morning. I must confess. You are my first correspondence this time around and I thought, "Oh, no, here we go again." I'm sorry. I shamefully admitted in my profile...this scene is just grueling. This is WORK. Plain and simple. But, I digress. My dear, there are several miles spanning the globe from the San Tan and Denver. Phoenix? Do people really live there? You're my first known. And no, my place of employment is approximately 5 miles from my home.
Mel, you are correct. The real connection occurs beyond this scene. But the only way out is through so on a certain level we need to entertain this form of connection. Fact finding. Red Flag Searching. Resonance. Vibrational and Frequency Similarities. And more.
I chose to discontinue coloring my hair about ten years ago. I come from a long line of Irish whose hair is prematurely grey (mine at 18 years of age). I saw a photograph of a young model with white hair and brought it to my colorist and she said, yes, my hair was that white. I decided at that moment to never again color it. By far, the most courageous decision I've ever made. My sisters counseled me to reconsider..."men don't like women with grey hair, you know". It's okay I replied. If a man desires me or not because of the color of my hair, I'm in trouble.
For this message, let me just summarize a bit. I'm certainly not the one most men desire and are looking for on this site. That I know without doubt. Ironically, I have no drama or any of the sorts of things men write that they despise. But I do come with a unique set of qualities unlike many women here.
Please share yours.

Now here is my opinion of grey hair on women. It gives me the impression that they have given up. That they are no longer players in the game of romance. It is a major turn off to me and portrays the grandmother look. If that's the role that they want to play in life then fine, but to try the arena of romance with grey hair is just wrong. Well that ought to generate some comments!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

More Bad News from Chase Bank...

I just got an urgent email from Chase Bank. Sure, when they want to talk to me, I respond. Well they caught my attention by asking if I had authorized a charge to Conn Ed in Michigan for $1394.10, because sure as hell there is one! (I kind of put that in my own words) I put down the Blackberry and went to the computer, as this was going to require a full 17" of viewing space. Yep, it was really from Chase Bank and not some hoax, just trying to get my account information. I clicked on "unauthorized" and that opened an emergency screen. I felt a little like James Bond. It told me to re-click and verify that the charge to the Michigan electric company was bogus and that a representative from Chase Bank would call me in a few minutes to discuss the issue. I clicked and waited, but not for too long, when my cell started playing it's song. I answered, hello. Pretty unique, huh? No one was there, so I realized it was a voice activated recording calling me. It was. It informed to hold for a representative, I did. Here was the bottom line. She asked me what the last thing I bought with the credit card was. A million things went through my mind. Should I tell them that I bought a TV at Walmart or should I let them think the thief bought it? I panicked and blurted out, I BOUGHT A TV! She calmed me down and asked if it was at Walmart? I told her it was. I confessed. Realizing my career as a crook was over when I couldn't even lie to a stranger on the phone, I told her about the Prilosec I'd bought there as well.

She then told me to destroy my credit card and the account was cancelled, due to fraud. I told her that I'd just authorized AT&T to charge my monthly cell phone bill to it and she assured me that it was my problem, but did suggest I contact them. She said they would send me a new credit card in 5 to 10 days and to listen to the message after she hangs up.

By the way, this is the same bank that fell so pathetically short when it came to protecting me from the crooked dentist. They sure are managing to cover their own asses though. That's what I get for shopping at Walmart!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Here Kitty Kitty...

Everyday, when I walk to the mailbox, a tan cat comes out from under a Chevy Suburban and says hello to me. He or she may live under that car when it's parked there. Occasionally, he or she is in my backyard and recently has started coming in and checking things out. I don't push myself on this cat, as he or she is as elusive as any cat I've ever known, so we seem to have this understanding between the two of us. Let's call her she, since that's exactly how she acts. She acts like every woman I've ever been interested in, evasive and elusive and hard to get. Being rather experienced at this game, I don't want to rush into anything. I just leave her alone to roam around my digs and feel comfortable.

Today I was in my recliner watching "The View", when suddenly tan cat jumps up on my lap and I realize we have crossed a new barrier. She lays on my lap and purrs as I stroke her. Then she rolls over on her back and wants to play, as I scratch her belly. She play-bites me and play-claws me. Then without warning she started using her claws in a rather painful and damaging fashion and I realized this cat doesn't really know the rules. Now bleeding from my wrist and a few places on my upper arms. I kind of insist Kitty gets the hell off of me. I now know Kitty isn't really house broken, thus the Chevy Suburban. I decide to wash a few dishes that are in the sink and Kitty jumps up on the counter and watches me. Again now without warning, she goes airborne and leaps over the double sink to the other side where there are more interesting things to explore. Frankly, I thought that was way cool! Washing my dishes, I kept a corner of one eye on Kitty who was now walking across the stove, confirming no indoor experience.

Luring the Kitty outside, I took my garbage down to the road and swiftly re-entered my yard alone, quickly closing the gate behind me. About 5 minutes later, Kitty was stretching out on my patio sunbathing. I think I'll keep Kitty as an outside friend.

While consuming a cheeseburger for lunch, I couldn't help but notice my big double temporary crown was in the chewed up burger about to be swallowed, when I took it out of my mouth wondering what to do next in my attempt to have chewing teeth. I suspect a new dentist is in my immediate future................again. You can bet I'll check him out BEFORE I use him this time.