Thursday, December 16, 2010

A Clear and Present Danger...

Addy 51

There is a strange phenomenon going on around these here parts and I think it's kind of strange. Suddenly, without warning, I'm being accosted by youthful attractive women. Keep in mind my 64.8 years when reading the word "youthful" as that word can be subjective depending where you got on and where you're getting off! The ages are 47, 47
and 51. There was another one aged 49, whose picture is currently not available. Four is enough for me to create a phenomenon.

Here's what I think is going on. I think these lovely ladies just realized they were going to awaken Christmas day alone unless they make some strong aggressive arrangement right now, thus creating the urgency being displayed. Here lies the problem though. Not a single one of them was able to form an interesting sentence when writing to me. Their emails consisted of one line introductions and some with misspelled words. The one not pictured, a Paula, was a genuine psycho that recently escaped from a loony bin.

One of our ladies, one of the 47 year olds, Lilly had made me a favorite on Match and then went immediately invisible, meaning she hid her profile. One day it appeared on my screen and it was one of those negative profiles, describing how she is really too good for this silly website, but is reduced to using it to find a mate and then went ahead and told of all the things she doesn't like about men. Because it was late and she was kind of cute and little, only 5' tall, I sent her a wink. The next morning there was an email from her waiting for me, saying "What are you going to do, keep on winking until you develop a tick in your eye"? Pretty attractive, huh? I sent her a reply explaining the beauty of Sarcasm and how it should be applied. I'll paste it on here for your reading experience.

How to Win Friends & Influence People.
It's apparent to me that your experience in sarcasm is limited and unaccomplished. Please don't take offense, but sarcasm, like a delicate bird, must be treated like a fine wine. Nurtured and hinted at, without a direct hit. You can never open with sarcasm, as it puts the recipient on notice that there is more to come. But, in fact, it needs to be slipped in like a sharp sabre, unnoticed until you twist said instrument, for a maximum effect.

You are somewhat of a mystery to me, but I'm not sure I want to follow this mystery to the end. Like a moth dancing around a bright light, you flicker in and out of Match availability not knowing where to light. From a distant standpoint, you made me a "favorite", but were unavailable for inspection, then bopped in and bopped out.

So Lilly, What's up with you?

Her reply said she likes to learn something new everyday. Huh, WTF? That was her reply to my delicate, fragile email? I was DONE! She will be alone for Christmas, I'm sure!

The others were similar, yet different but don't warrant discussing here. Addy was sexy and provocative, but left a lot to be desired in her dialogue with me. I guess I'll be alone for Christmas too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I do love the way you a few letters I'd like you to pen for me....Merry Holiday! NMS