Farewell to Billie Bob and Other Assorted Pests...

I firmly believe that my reclining chair is growing into my ass! While watching the news this evening, the sun had just gone down about 15 minutes earlier. I had already turned on a lamp, but had not closed the blinds yet and suddenly there is a loud knock at the front door. I'm a firm believer that it is never in my best interest to answer such a knock, it's always someone that wants something that I have no interest in giving. Be it magazines or the home owner's association rep, or a landscaping service. I would have ignored it had I not thought that he had seen me on his approach to the front door. Reluctantly, I whip open the door and there, already walking away, is a guy/kid about 20 or 22, wearing a Sears white shirt and a Sears clip on tie, as shocked to see me as I am to see him. I may have been the first person to answer the door to an abrupt knock this evening. I was immediately sorry to make his acquaintance. He introduces himself and he's with Johnson and McKenzie and how am I doing this evening. I tell him I don't know who Johnson and McKenzie is and he starts talking about retirement. (OH SHIT, I really stepped in it this time). I stop his spiel by telling him he chose a difficult way of making a living, going door to door. He explains that he loves it. I interrupt him again and explain that I'm willing to let him go pursue his dream. He doesn't take my hint and continues to discuss my personal income that I am NOT willing to discuss with him, while my front door is open and my electric bill is doubling! I can just picture him listening at his sales meeting today and trying all the things the boss instructed them on. I interrupted him yet again and said I was going to close the door now and I did. I think he left...

I wonder if it's me that is attracting all the psycho ladies? I just ran the gamut with another one from the so called weaker sex. Her name was Billie Gun, which I did not believe to be her actual name. Who names a little baby girl Billie? She claims she chose the last name but did it legally. She also claimed to be in the oil business but didn't seem to know anything about it. When I tried to question her about it, she claimed it was handed down to her from an uncle that passed away. It was left to her and her 2 sisters that she doesn't have anything to do with. She lived in a questionable part of town and spoke to me on her land line, although she had a cell phone that she says she hates. It was with AT&T and only cost her $25 a month, so she doesn't text. I used to be with AT&T and for $25 a month they don't even let you use their name! Her land line was awful and I could barely understand anything she said, however most of the things she said we not worthy of hearing. So rather than repeatedly asking what she said, I'd just agree. She also claimed that she was in some home business but has not had time to set it up in AZ.yet. Just more white noise, I didn't ask what it was. We chatted for about 2 weeks and finally I'd decided to meet her for dinner, but she really didn't eat anything. Whatever type of food I'd mention, she didn't like. I finally talked her into shrimp with broccoli, but she didn't like Chinese food, but was willing to give it a try.

Several times she told me that she was trying not to spend money, thus the texting or a new land phone was out of the question. She was a vegan....yuck! She called me one night last weekend, I think it was Friday. We had plans to meet for the first time on Saturday night, but I was less than excited already. Her only picture was 6 or 7 years old, but she claimed she still looks the same. I know I don't! She calls me to tell me to watch HBO, that Bill Mayer is on with Jerry Seinfeld and it was hysterical. I told her that I don't get HBO, that I used to get all the premium stations and they didn't make me any happier, that I only have basic cable now and I'm fine with it. She kept saying that she "bundles" with Cox Communications. I finally inquired how much her bundle costs her and when she told me $180 a month, I almost fell out of me recliner. My mind went to her savings attempt and how she doesn't have text messages on her cell plan and a shitty land line that is all fuzzy. I didn't even mention how stupid I thought she was or anything, I swear, when out of nowhere, she begins screaming at me that I don't really want to take her out to dinner tomorrow night! That she lives all alone and does the best she can and all I do is pick on her... I tell her I think it's a good idea not to talk anymore tonight and I'll call her tomorrow to firm up our plans if I still want to go...

The more I thought about it, the less I wanted anything to do with her and told her so in a polite email the following day. First I asked her to explain to me what happened and why she exploded, unprovoked, but she never replied to that. Immediately she started calling repeatedly and I refused to answer. I listened to one of her messages and in she told me that she was a clairvoyant, it was a gift she was born with. That's when I put a smile on my face that stayed for about 10 minutes.. If she were a clairvoyant, why didn't she know I thought she was nuts? My quota for psychos has been met for this lifetime and I'm good for awhile!