Match.com and Ambien, Uh Oh!

Around the time that my son passed away, I developed a horrible case of insomnia and a friend of mine, who happens to be an MD, prescribed Ambien. If you know anything about Ambien, it does have some unusual side effects, to say the least. Knowing this, I never leave the house after taking it, but rather stay home and embarrass myself in privacy. I've used this drug in the past as well.

So one night about 3 months ago, it's about 3 AM and of course I'm wide awake and drop a pill. Still, I cannot sleep, so I get out of bed and decide to surf the web. I have an old AOL address that I do not use, so after retiring from Match about 18 months ago, instead of putting up with all the spam mail Match distributes, I change my address with them and send the junk mail to my AOL account. Problem solved.

So here it is about 3 AM when I get up and look for something to do. I decide to check this AOL account to see how many winks and flirts and emails I have, just to occupy myself. Sure enough, I've got about 300 emails from Match and I happen to notice that I have 26 current emails from women. Emails drop off after 30 days, so that's a lot for a man number one and in addition, I had hidden my profile prior to my last membership expiring. I'm thinking, why? Did I get featured as the fool of the month? Was someone that I knew trying desperately to get in touch with me? Had I won something? Here's the deal. They tell you that you have a gazillion women interested in you to get you to rejoin, but will not let you see who they're from or what the emails say. I go back to bed, but still can't drift off, even drugged. Anyone with insomnia knows that one trip to the kitchen is not enough, so it's up out of bed again and I keep staring at the 26 nameless emails and figure, I MUST find out what's up. Back to the bedroom, but this time to get my wallet with it's credit card inside and plop down $85 so I can read my 26 emails. I'm drugged remember?

Rubbing my hands together, I'm audibly announcing, "come on baby, give it to me" (the emails, of course) and voila, here they are, right before my very eyes. Twenty-six of these babies. As I begin, I see that one screen name is repeated about 15 times. In other words, one woman sent me 15 of the 26 emails and that woman from the looks of it is 75 years old, white haired and plump, living in Nebraska, hmm..... What could she want? As I read the first email, it wasn't really an email. It held one word describing the pose I was in, in that particular photo and there were 15 photos. Each email read, "STANDING, SITTING, SIDE VIEW, OUT HOUSE, WITH DOG, MORE DOG, and so forth. She was obviously suffering from dementia, poor thing. I deleted he emails and still had another 11 to look at. These were all from out of state and from elderly women that evidently took Ambien too!

So here I am on Match.com at age 67, $85 poorer and the victim of a process that evidently works. I've dated a few women, so it really wasn't a waste of time and money. Some were great, others were not so great, but they represent the title of this old worn out blog.