Psycho Lady...

I was going along pretty well in my life and on my dating services. I was interacting with a lot of nice women and one by one, without explanation, they began dropping out of my life. Oh well, such is the way of online dating. One day, I get an email remarking about one of my pictures and it says, "Nice dog, Nice pic!!! I looked at the lady that sent that note to me and didn't find her very attractive, but she was 56 and somewhat nicely shaped, indicated by her height and weight. She was 5' 6" and slender. I read her bio and found her drab and boring and a piano teacher, who teaches classical piano. I swear I read every word looking desperately for some kind of connection, but sadly came up empty. Just to be polite, I replied to her note with a "Thank you for the nice note". Period!  She writes me back, "What does your schedule look like for this week?" A few minutes later, I reply, "I haven't had a schedule since 2005"! I'm thinking that this is the end of it, but no. She replies, Really, no schedule?" I then reply, "Can we do this over the phone?" Her answer is, "Thank God"!!! and offers me her phone number. In spite of the late hour, it's like 10:30 at night, I dial and she answers.

For the sake of the story, lets call her Psycho Lady, but that gives away the end of the story, so lets switch to Candice, not her real name. To my surprise, Candice is charming and delightful and definitely possesses that certain "spark" that I look for in a woman. I can't believe she wrote that horrible profile, because it certainly doesn't reflect her true personality. We chatted along and laughed and joked and told our personal stories. I was excited. She told me that she takes awful pictures and I completely understood and that she looks way better in person. She almost HAD to! We didn't want to hang up and finally after 2 1/2 hours we did. I was anxious to speak with her the following day and could hardly wait to call. 

The next day, at 5:15 I rang her phone again and she politely and coldly explained she was giving a piano lesson and I should call her back in a couple of hours and then just hung up! No niceties, just "click", after she finished her message. I waited about 3 hours and now it was 8 PM, a perfectly reasonable hour to call a lady, right? She picked up and she was her old self, but I did notice she was very opinionated. For example, one of the shirts I was wearing in one of my online photos, she told me to throw it away and another picture that I was kind of proud of, with me coming out of an outhouse in Cave Creek, AZ, a tourist town and NOT a real outhouse, but just place to take pictures, she told me to take that picture down, it's gross. When I tried to explain that it wasn't a real outhouse, she talked over me and said, "just do it!" When someone starts acting in a strange way, you begin to question what just happened and I decided to let it go for now. Then the topic changed, obviously, and she started telling me something from her past about her immediate family when suddenly she began crying, sobbing hard and loud. Well, I didn't know what to do, like most men when a woman starts crying for no apparent reason. I waited and listened and soothed her. She told me she was crying because her father loved her so much, that when he was dying he sent her away, so she wouldn't have to see it. (I would have sent her way for another reason, because she was so annoying!) Not understanding why a woman might cry, after her father has been dead for 30 years, is beyond me, plus in front of a practical stranger? Within 5 minutes of the crying jag, she was laughing and telling me some funny story, about who knows what? Suddenly, without notice or change of topics, she begins crying again and I can't believe my ears! Is this more laughing or is this crying? After listening for a minute of so, I realize it's crying and she begins to apologize, but she's now crying about Harry, a 7 year old piano student of hers that needs a lung transplant or he will die!

Within a couple of minutes, she's yelling that she wants a Mercedes, that she drives a Toyota and wants to drive a Mercedes and do I have a lot of money. Well, it seems that the spark that I spotted the day before went out and all that was left was the bipolar Psycho Lady from earlier in the story! Back to the drawing board...