Sunday, January 25, 2009

My Own Personal Rainbow...

Well, I'm the proud owner of two, count them, two 2004 Kia Sedona EX vans. I got a call last week from an old friend that said I'd like them, they're for sale at the Kia dealer in Peoria. After hearing him describe them and the fact that I've never owned a Kia before, I agreed to buy the pair of vans. One was blue and the other was green, I was told, but in reality the blue one was blue and the green one was gray, a common mistake amongst color blind men. The lovely Jules went with me to pick them up and informed me of the color error in my favor. Green is poison and gray is good. I took home the blue one and was able to leave the gray one at LJ's house, as my house was full slam up with automobiles. As luck would have it, a gentleman named Tim bought my Ford Contour and that made room for the gray one to live at my house until it gets sold too. As a side note, the blue one has a little lower on mileage, with 69,000 miles, but was a little on the rough side too. I've already replaced the inside driver's door handle and it has an oil leak to boot. The gray one is just flat perfect, with 76,000 miles and virtually unscathed. I've been doing this long enough to recognize a nice vehicle and this one is as close to showroom condition as I've seen a vehicle. I advertised the blue one because of the lower miles, knowing full well I could switch the buyer to the gray one in a heartbeat. A little trick of the trade.

Late Friday night I got a call from a lady about the van, hooray! She started asking questions and then started acting foolishly by saying things like, what's a CD player? Then she giggled and said I must excuse her ignorance, but she's a woman. What? Now that offended me! Picture me calling Walgreen's and asking the clerk what a tampon is, that he should excuse my ignorance because I'm a man? Anyway, she finally asked for my address and told me she has a GPS and she'll call me in the morning to make an appointment. The following morning around 9:30 she did in fact call and I told her I was just thinking of her, as I was. She acted like I was getting personal and explained that she was married. Whoa, hold on there Silver. I decided to keep this strictly business, if you know what I mean? She said she'd be here between 12:30 and 1 PM and we hung up. I was working on my yard when she pulled up in her Chevy HHR with flames on it and Ontario license plates. When she got out of the car and approached me, Zoie was out with me, as I try to keep her occupied as much as possible currently. Zoie approached the woman as I looked on in disbelief. The woman, who never did tell me her name, looked like Bozo the clown! She had red dyed hair and it was a color that God didn't intend for humans and she had bright royal blue eye brows. She asked if Zoie bites and I almost answered, only when you look like a clown. What is it with people asking if dogs bite when they're loose in front of your house? Do you think I'd have a ferocious man eater running loose to bite people at his leisure on my property? Turns out that Boze wasn't a dog fan, so I scooted her into the house, Zoie, not Bozo. Then Bozo opens the door to this beautiful van and asks, don't you detail them? What???

She asked if she could drive it and of course I said yes. She pulled out onto the road and asked if I heard that noise. God only knows what noise she heard, but more likely than not, it was those men in the white jackets right on her trail! She had told me that her husband and she lived in Canada, but wanted a van to leave down here, for when they visited. Then she said her husband was working today and plays golf tomorrow and she'll try to get back to me when he's available. That's when I heard the bells chime and the NO SALE sign appear over her head. I'll bet if she were a REAL buyer, that van would be gone!

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