Tuesday, August 9, 2011

My First Carefree Mini Pad...

If you've been following the antics of this adorable puppy Macy, the innocent puppy from HELL. You'll probably be interested in Chapters 3 and 4 written within.

Chapter 3 was a week ago or so and it found me standing at the kitchen counter making a turkey and Swiss cheese sandwich . When one is doing so, you are pretty wrapped up in your creation and probably wouldn't be noticing a 65 LB puppy sneaking up behind you at about 9 PM in the evening. Well, Macy was that puppy and just to be close to her friend and owner, took up a position curled up in a ball behind me. (here it comes) When I took my first step backwards, my foot came right down on her and she yelped as if she were being butchered. So in defense, I start hopping with the Swiss cheese still in my hand and the next time my right foot comes down, it is upon Macy's little foot. In reflex, I continue hopping on my left foot and when I finally come down, it's on my poor ass from a distance about 10 or 12 feet away from where all of this started, with the Swiss cheese still in my hand! Now Macy, thinking I'm playing, is on top of me and her goal is the cheese. I give her the cheese, only to divert her attention, so I can see if I broke a hip and if standing is an option.

That's been about a week now since that happened and for the past week, I've been limping quietly around the house with an ass that's twice as large on one side, as the other. It still hurts like hell, but someone told me, if you can walk, it's not broken. As much as I hate doctors, I'll accept that diagnoses.

Chapter 4: Getting back to my mini pad. Fast forward about a week now and picture me just sitting on my reclining chair, something that I'm pretty much mastered. Here comes Macy to keep me company and steal a few pets. I stroke and pet her for about 3 or 4 minutes and then when I feel I've done that enough for one sitting, I stop and put my hand at my side. It's Macy's way to let me know she's not quite content with the 3 or 4 minutes of petting and that she wants more, by taking her paw, with now razor sharp claws and strike it an my resting arm, Slicing off a strip of skin in two places.

Because I take Aspirin everyday as a blood thinner, my blood will not coagulate like a normal person's and several hours later, at 10 PM I wanted to go to bed to read. Knowing I'm down to my last set of sheets and knowing that I've already gotten blood onto my white bed spread from an earlier assault of Macy's, I looked for some kind of a bandage or band aid.

Not knowing where such a thing might be in Julie's house, I inquired. She directed me to a first aid kit that only had a few of those little tiny band aids that you put on shaving nicks. Useless, because I'm kind of flowing here. Maybe it was the word "flowing" that gave me the idea, but next I asked if she had any of those Kotex pads or pantie liners. It was yes to the pantie liners and there you have my solution. I had her put Scotch tape around my arm and I was good to go until this morning when I ripped it off and it started bleeding much worse than last night. What do people with Hemophilia do? I just hope this doesn't happen again in 28 days!

1 comment:

Jamie said...

LOL! You need to borrow Jules camera, too. Pics of your perils would improve them, so much.

Have a great evening, my half-big assed friend. :)