Wednesday, August 17, 2011

SpEeD FrEaK!

Today was a day not too unusual from many other days, except I received an Iron infusion yesterday and slept from midnight until 11 AM without interruption. That kind of scared me because I was due for another infusion today. I've never had Iron infusion, two days in a row and knowing the damage that one day does to my system created a little apprehension. I had to drive to the other side of town, because that's where Becky was working today and in order to get my Iron infused at the proper intervals, a little drive was required. It was a beautiful day here in the Valley of the Sun and the Mercury was hanging around 113 when I got to the car. Don't worry, as I reached my destination the car was almost cooled down.

I arrived about 2 minutes early and had to wait the customary 3/4 hour, before I was called in. The infusion took about 10 minutes and just to add insult to injury, there is a new alleged FDA law that requires them to keep you sitting there for 30 minutes AFTER your appointment to have your blood pressure taken to make sure it hasn't spiked. It took me back to my high school days where I had to sit for an undisclosed period of time in detention hall, with all the other rowdies. She came out, took my B.P. and it was noticeably low at 134/47. I was good to go and did. My car read 119 as I hit the starter and I took off. I pulled into the left hand turning lane and was about 5 cars back. A few seconds later the pickup in front of me crept up and it turned out there was no one in front of "her". That's just how she handles left turn lanes. When the arrow lit up and it was our turn to go, but she just sat there, no doubt not noticing the arrow. I tried to honk once and nothing happened. On the second attempt, the horn worked, but the driver in from of me just looked in her rear view mirror to see who was honking. By now the left turn arrow was gone and we'd missed our turn. I accepted that and waited patiently, what other choice did I have since I'd left my automatic weapons at home? Finally when the light turned yellow, she crept out into the intersection and completed her turn. NOTE TO SELF: Never leave home without a gun or heat seeking missile!

I got on the 101 West and started my ride home. I was going along fine when I reached the I-17 connection and a dark gray pickup truck moved over to the left lane and was going about 10 MPH slower than me. There was no reason for the truck to move over in front of me, as the third lane was completely clear. Frustrated, I casually pulled over to the third lane, using my turn signal and attempted to pass the dark gray truck. To accomplish this, I used my passing gear. Hey, I was PASSING! Just as I did this, I passed a DPS officer hiding behind a 55 gallon drum on the side of the road. He sure looked excited as he started his motorcycle and took chase after me. He commenced upon me in no time flat and I'll bet anything he was whistling the sound track to COPS, as he did this. He got right on my tail and stayed there. By the way, when I passed DPS guy, I looked down at my speedometer and it read 70, so it's not like I was insanely tearing up the road. Next, not knowing what to do, I pulled over a lane, using my signal just like I learned in class. He stayed right on my tail and I think that's when I realized it was a bad sign.

As we approached the 51st Ave. exit his siren and lights went on and he signaled me to exit. I complied, after all, he had a gun! He now signaled me to make the right turn and pull over. Again I complied. He pulled up behind me and that's when I lost him. He had sneaked over to the passenger side of the car and made the International sign to roll down the window, you know it. He then introduced himself and also identified himself, as well. Yep, I was right, cop! He asked me for my license and registration and proof of insurance. I had a license and proof of insurance, but I explained that my registration was on the back of my plate. He said, take it off! These are connected with 4 octagonal metric size 10 caps. I asked if he had a pliers and the answer was no. I also know that the registration on the back of that plate was from around 2001 and when I renewed my plates this year, I did it online and it said my registration was ready to print, but my printer wouldn't work and I didn't think any part of that story was going to endear me to the DPS dude.

By the way, this guy was no taller than 5' 4", with a shaved head and a bullet proof vest. In reality he was 5' 6" but I was mad, so I made him shorter. "Literary License", that means the author can lie!

Okay, did you know that cops don't "write" tickets anymore? They have a computer and they type in the info and then it prints out the ticket. Now, I've already told you how freakin hot it was and we're standing in the sun, me unscrewing my license plate with my bare hands and him waiting impatiently. Here's the part where God stepped in. I actually was successful at removing my plate and on the back of the plate, there was my registration from about 10 years ago, which should have gotten me an additional ticket, but the sun had bleached off ALL of the type, except for the form lettering itself. He then gave me a stern warning to get it replaced as soon as possible. I asked him if he knew how to do that, since our DMV is out of money and had closed just about all the locations and certainly the Dealer Section is obsolete. He did not. He handed me back my plate and I spent the rest of the time screwing it back onto the car, while perspiration dripped in my eyes. I mention to the DPS dude that it was about 113 when I last checked. He looked up to the sky, where the guy who erased my registration for me lives and said, "Hmm..... seems about right". I mentioned that I've been in AZ. for 37 years and it seems to get hotter every year. That's when we bonded and he said he'd been here since 95, but worked out in Yuma. (Must have been a guard at the prison).

Well, it was parting time for this pair. I had signed receipt of my ticket and asked if he knew how much it was going to cost me and he said, no. I wanted to be polite with my new friend and I knew that thanking him for his time might not seem sincere, so instead I said, "Well, see ya next time"! Shit, wrong thing to say. That prompted mini-cop to say you'd better not see me again. Unless you see me on the side of the road and wave me a safe day. I smiled and said, "Yeah, that's what I meant" and got into my race car.

I always worry about leaving after getting a ticket. I worry that cop will follow me and give another one for no turn signal or illegal U-turn. But that doesn't happen, does it??? You know, he might have been 5' 2"!

No comments: