Dating is NOT for Amateurs...

For some reason the minute I received her first email, I knew I'd be writing about her in this blog. It may have been the combination of poorly spelled words, or the LOL's that were contained in the first sentence, or I've turned psychic. Probably the LOL's! When she wasn't writing lol, it was a series of HA's, always in upper case letters, that she always ended her 2 line emails with. I've been told I'm judgemental, it's true and I'm proud of it. We used to call it "street sense", it was what told us not to run out in traffic. I knew from the start that this lady was not one of the brighter bulbs on the Christmas tree. To make things easier, I'll include her first email to me. Understand that I initiated contact. I was notified by Match.com that I had only 5 days left on my membership and to use it to find true love. Instead I used it to find Dee (her actual aka name). I had seen that this woman had looked at my profile everyday for several days in a row, a way that some women choose to let a man know that they're interested. Here is her email:


Mel! are you going to chicken out on me? ps still not fat 623-XXX-XXXX can't beleive I just did that LOL till next Dee


My first reaction to this email is that I know this person and I'm racking my brain for how? Now, as you can see in her picture, she's not too large a girl and also not hideous in appearance. She had a likable personality, from what I could get out of it. We spoke on the phone and she told me she doesn't like to rack up a lot of minutes, because she's on a very limited plan with Consumer Cellular, no texting, no camera, no nothing, but it's only $28 a month for 700 minutes and she's about to run out. I made a mental note of "thrifty" to add to her references. So emailing was our primary way of communication. Try warming up to that on a chilly winter night. She told me that both her parents were still living and close by and she spent a lot of time running them to doctor's appointments. They were in their 90's and her poor dad was a pancreatic cancer survivor. He's been hanging on for 20 years now. Is that even possible? Dee lives in Sun City West and owns her home. She also had no pets, but walks a dog every night before bed, around 11:30 PM. She claims it belongs to the neighbor. Dee is 61 and has a former boyfriend that she also cares for that lives on her block. They were in a relationship until he suffered a stroke, he's 69.


All Sundays are devoted to Mom and Dad, Tuesday is Mexican day and she takes her former boyfriend out for Mexican food and Margaritas on Tuesdays. She sees the former boyfriend everyday and runs errands for him, getting him things like Boost to keep up his nourishment. Here's the clincher. She doesn't have time to meet me until 7/5, a Thursday right after the holiday. We started on the 22nd of June and the first free day she has is 7/5??? She did tell me that she had a lunch date with a new guy about a week after we started writing and he was very nice but boring and all she could think about was me. (Sound like I'm getting played?) By the way, I've still seen nothing but her Match picture, which you'll agree could be ten years old?


When I told her that I really know nothing about her, she told me to relax, she's a former Home Coming Queen from high school. She was also of Norwegian descent and from Minnesota and had a strong accent like the people in that movie Fargo. Minnesooooota! I personally find that annoying, but that's just me.


Then one night she kind of disappears on me. No email relies that I've become used to and she must have sensed that I was putting 2 and 2 together and not getting 4. At about 11 PM she calls me, but she's drunk. She went on another date with someone new and was drinking all evening. Again she didn't like the guy, but drank vodka and water all night and drove home. We talked for about 30 minutes, casting minutes to the wind! With the addition of vodka, her limited minutes didn't matter.


At some point I asked her what she retired from in her career and she told me she was a dance instructor for Arthur Murray. On occasion when we discuss getting together to meet, it was always that she would come here to my house and never would she disclose where she lived, just that it was Sun City West. I asked her why she just didn't stick with the guy that she had been seeing, that she did so much for? She told me that in her opinion a relationship should include sex and since his stroke, he can no longer perform as a man. (poor guy).


Some time went by between the last time I spoke with Dee and 7/5. There was kind of a holiday weekend and then Monday and Tuesday, before the holiday on Wednesday. Not a word. I suspected that they, the stroke guy and Dee, went away for that period of time and that Dee would be coming back alone, for our date. 


I'm not the smartest guy in the world and between you and me, I don't seem to have disposable women these days and maybe that's a good thing because honestly I don't seem to want one right now. Incidentally, there was no record or history on the name that Dee gave me. I had her last name and it came up without even a Facebook page. I Googled her phone number, her email address and got many, but not her. I took that to mean a bogus name and email address. I looked up the average income of Arthur Murray dance instructors and got no where near what it takes to qualify for a mortgage. In Dee's profile on Match, it talks about how she doesn't want a parasite and that she can spot them a miles away. NO ONE writes that or even thinks of it. In my years of experience, I've had several women live off of me and I'm not referring to wives. There a woman named Janie that I met in 94, who just wanted a man to live with and take care of and I was interested in the same. We lived together for about 18 months, when I was introduced to me last wife and it turned out not to be Janie. I explained to Janie that I had met someone and it was time to move on. She did.


Here is what I concluded about Dee. She was living with the gentleman that suffered a stroke and he was going to visit his family in Washington state right after the 4th holiday and that would leave Dee free to cheat on him. There were times in my life when I would have been all over that, but not at this time. It offended me that all she thought of me was that I was meat to use as she would. Below is the email that I shot off to her on 7/5, before noon.


Incomplete Resume'


Dee or whoever you are. I've decided that I am not interested in meeting you, for many reasons. I'm really not sure of what your real name is, but one thing is certain, there is no history of a Dee Xxxxxxxx in AZ. or the email address that you use. You claim to be a concerned citizen, just watching out for the needs of an old flame, but you base and schedule your entire life around him. Then you say he can't make love to you, so you're shopping around. Get a vibrator! I just checked and we've been emailing for 2 weeks and I know absolutely nothing about you, nor do you ask anything about me. I'm certainly more than a human DILDO. You've just got too much missing from your resume'. There are a lot of con artists in AZ, be careful!

Mel

I never heard back, go figure....