First Date in Months...

                                      Jane, (not)

It had probably been at least 4 months since my last date. Being in the hospital 4 times in May and June left me down about 15 LBS and not looking too swell, plus it seems that age is catching up with me too. Looking into the mirror I can see every one of my 66 years looking back. For many years I had tricked father time, but it seems that he's going to have last laugh. He always does. 


Being bored with entertaining myself, I realize I need outside involvement, so I search the Internet for someone to spend time with. Usually they write to me and all I have to do is respond, which make the process a little less confusing. There was a woman named Jane that really didn't appeal to me on a physical level, but I thought she seemed nice enough, until I asked her for her phone number. She told me that she would rather have mine and not give hers out. That's usually a deal breaker for me. It seems if a woman writes to me and she's on a dating service, she ought to be prepared to at least speak on the phone with a gentleman and if it doesn't go well, well just hang up. If he seems to persist, don't answer the phone, he'll go away. 


So I explained to her that I'm happy to give her my phone number, however I don't accept blocked calls and   will not answer a call from an anonymous number. She said, fine. So if that's fine, what was all the BS about not giving out her number. So Jane calls me up and I'm not there to answer. I was in the kitchen getting a sandwich, let's say. She leaves me a voice mail with her phone number, making me realize the entire discussion about who calls who first was for naught. I call her back and we have a boring conversation that lasts about 20 minutes and when we hang up, I decide it's over. So, what do we have here? No appeal on a physical level and no personality. She's attending Real Estate school in a dying market at age 57. She emailed me and told me not to try to contact her the following weekend, as she had guests coming from out of town. I was perfectly good with that and deleted her number. About a month goes by and I'm just moving along at my snails pace and I get an email from Jane, asking if I'd lost her number. Well, I did! She gives it to me again, oh joy!


We chat on the phone and this time she's in a good mood and she laughs a lot. She's somewhat engaging this time and we make a date to meet. We make it a neighborhood coffee date and that way we can both bolt if it doesn't go well, but frankly I'm never that rude. I suffer through it. I arrive right on time and she's there already. She approaches me with a warm smile on her less than pleasing face and I'm prepared to work past that. Looks are not everything to me, these days. Warmth and personality are vastly important. We got a couple of cold drinks and when she turned and walked towards the booths, I spotted it. Her butt! It was covered with Mom jeans and the fabric was baggy and empty. She had a flat butt! If she had been missing a leg, an arm and one eye, I could live with it, but no ass? Come on, where do you draw the line?

We sat, I talked and she laughed. We  were together for about an hour and 30 minutes and I talked the entire time. I told her about all 3 wives, my first father-in-law and my in-laws in general. How I wound up in AZ, my heart surgery, my 4 stops in the hospital in May and June and anything not to discuss her butt. Finally she begged to leave and all I had to do was say, "Gee, it is getting late", when she bolted, taking her flat butt with her. She was nice enough, but oh well....