I Miss the Good Ol' days!

This is difficult to explain, but there doesn't seem to be any end to the dishonesty and perversion going on in the cyber-world. I spoke with eBay yesterday and another nice lady in India assisted me in fine tuning my eBay account. Now I thought it would at least be discriminatory to eliminate certain countries or groups of people from bidding on my items, but it was told to me that it is the only way to successfully sell an item without dishonest intervention. Here is a short list of the people I've eliminated from my buying audience:
1. All countries other than the United States.
2. All buyers with poor feedback history.
3. Buyers with poor paying records.
4. All Republicans
5. Fat people.
6. Anyone that has been to prison more than 5 times for assaulting sellers.

If you can think of anyone else, please advise me in the comments area. This does not apply to you NMS.

Yesterday, other than a few emergencies like the milk turning sour. By the way, how do the people at the store know which exact day the milk is going to turn? I bought a gallon of milk on 7/31 that had a 8/10 expiration date and I figured I'd be able to drink a gallon in 10 days, right? Last night around midnight, I was feeling the pangs of hunger and opened the milk carton for a sniff and sure enough it smelled kind of sour. I tried changing the expiration date, but still no help. How does it know when to turn bad?

So around 10 PM last night, my iPhone starts barking, indicating a text message coming in. I looked at it and it was another crook from somewhere in South Africa with a 832 area code (somewhere in Texas). In order to confuse the recipient, the bad guys are allowed to request area codes anywhere in the world. Others are calling from stolen phones that they are able to activate. Here's how I know this. The first thing I do when I get a caller from another area code is Google the number and it tells me right there that the phone has been reported stolen, where and when.

Here's what I'll do for you. I'll copy the exact conversation that we had beginning last night at about 10 PM, so you can see how flimsy the story is that they all use. No originality whatsoever. Now what you see written here, try to picture in little bubbles, as they would appear on my phone,

Crook: Hi,Iwould like to know if you still have this ad for sale? Please let me know as soon as possible.

Me: yes.

Crook 2 hours later: Thanks for your mail. What is the conditions of it? I am buying the item for my cousin who work in oversea. i will add $20 for taking down the ad and $100 for shipping, I would have done it local transacation but I am out of town presently...you can get back to me with your Paypal email account so I can pay now and if you don't have one you can log on to WWW.Paypal.com to create an account with them and get back to me with your Paypal email.

Me: I don't understand...

Crook: I will be paying extra $100 for shipping and 20for taking down the ad from Craig's list...I want it shipped to my cousin oversea and am paying through Paypal. So text me your Paypal address for the payment.

Me: (I'm trying to drive him crazy) You are confusing me. The phone is only $200???

Crook: (feeling the strain of it all) yes i know but if you want to help me then I will only pay 70$ for the shipping via usps express mail so let me know

Me: You want me to send you 70 dollars, why?

Crook: No you asked how much it will be for the shipping and I said 70$.

Me: It's the middle of the night here. Too late to talk. Try again tomorrow.

Me: Goodnight sir.

Crook: Okay, just text me your Paypal email address tomorrow morning so that I can make the payment immediately

Me: (Trying to drive him over the edge) You want to be my Penpal?

Me: You don't want my phone?

Crook: No i want your Paypal email address, for the payment.

Okay, it's finally about 1:30 AM and I'm so wired and laughing, that I have to take an Ambien to even sleep. The following morning, I think of a few additional things for my overseas buddy on how to complete the deal. Now keep in mind that he has no intention of sending me any money ever, his only goal is to steal my fine Blackberry using his old worn out con game. 

Me: My wife thinks you are trying to get our phone for free. I believe you are an honest man though. I spent many years in prison and learned to trust people. I am very old now, but opened a Playpen account like you said. What address should I send the Blackberry to?

Me: Hurry, I want to get this over with before my wife gets home from shopping.

Crook: Oh,I understand how she feels, so text me the Paypal address so I can make the payment immediately.

Me: Ok, here it is: NelsonMandela@Africancounsulate.screw-u

Crook: whats the meaning of this

Me: I just love when crooks get irate, don't you? FYI, you are the 12th crook to use the same tired old story. Get real dude!

Me: What about your poor mother? Her son is a con artist crook and not even good at it. Poor woman!

I just got a note from a new buyer on eBay, asking me to cancel the auction and well you read it.

Dear mel5679-2012, Okay. do you have an active paypal account? am presently in the UK, and i can only send you money via Paypal, am ready to buy it now and am offering you 230usd + shipping and handling fees, am offering that much due to the urgency, i want you to end the auction now and reply with your paypal email address,so i can send the money straightaway, i hope this item is really as described on ebay. i need the item urgently for my granddaughter in college, i will leave you your feedback after a complete transaction, regards

Do you suppose this is for real? I don't!