Next, I get an email, actually a love letter, from a woman on Match.com, that had no reason to be contacting me. She was supposedly 42, blond haired, cute and totally in love with me. Her email went on and on and she gave me her private email address. I contacted her and before I knew it, she was professing her love for me and suddenly referred to herself as a Widower and mentioned at another point that "he" was looking for a certain type of women (huh). Well that confused me, until she shared with me that she was currently out of the country and would be back next week, when we could meet and make beautiful love together. (I was smelling rats). This email went on and on. I shared it with a few friends to enjoy. Below is my reply:
Ya know, I've been dealing with crooks all day and it appears not to have stopped, as of 3 PM Arizona time. I tried to sell my old Blackberry on Craigs List and have had scammers from Nigeria texting me all day and now you. Somehow Shelley Cool eyes, when I read your flowery email, I cannot help but picture a fat, really fat guy named Ralph with a cigar hanging out of his mouth, trying to romance me. Oh, he's also got this big pot belly protruding and a hairy one at that. On 2 occasions in your email, you referred to yourself in the male gender and looking for the perfect woman. (error). I looked up your email address and of course you know what it says. I also tried your name at AOL. Gmail and Yahoo to discover the same thing. Match.com cancelled you and hid your profile and basically it's time to move on and search for a new "Mark"! Now I'll tell you the same thing I told all of the Nigerian crooks. PISS OFF!
Next on my list was a woman that I'd been trying to communicate with, however her picture reminded me of something from the past and I'm thinking it was the hairstyle that was a dinosaur. I hadn't seen that hairstyle since high school. That alone made me think the pictures were very old. I knew I couldn't mention her hairstyle, so I told her she looked way too young to be 58. In her reply, she kind of giggled and thanked me and assured me that her pictures were very recent (oh shit). In addition, she wouldn't answer any questions that I'd ask. I told her where I lived and she replied that she used to live in Scottsdale and will be moving back soon, as soon as she sells her house. She signed her email that were one or two lines long with her screen name, Ami4u. So after about 4 email, I still don't even know her first name. I stop answering her and she writes, "Did I say something to scare you off". I tell her in my next diplomatic email that she never seems to answer anything I ask her and she's not even told me her name! She writes me back that it's Bev. My next email say: "I have an idea, why don't you just send me your phone number?" She relied, why don't you give me yours and I'll call you.
I wrote to her:
I lived on Beverly Lane for 20 years. Hi Bev. I only have one question, why? I don't accept calls from blocked or private numbers though. If you recall, I gave you my name and email address so you could Google me and feel comfortable with my history, so why?
After that she told me she didn't think we were a very good match and good luck and God bless.
My final email
Honestly Bev.............. I just couldn't get past that 1970's hair style. That's why I asked if your pictures were old. Then things went downhill with your attitude problem.
Good luck, maybe you'll find someone with a ducktail haircut!