Sunday, December 13, 2009

Marathon Date, part 2....

After a 1 hour nap and trying to recover from a 1/2 marathon with MJ, I decided to start my laundry, so I tossed in all of my new jeans at about 3:30. MJ called at 4 to ask if I'd left the house yet? Huh, why would I? I'm doing laundry. Laundry, she replied in a less than pleased tone. We have to be at the party at 5! What??? Who in their right mind throws a party and starts it at 5? People with children, that's who! Oh, well we're gonna be late.... and so it began. I don't recall a woman yelling at me as much as MJ, since my mother and that stopped when I was 18... Don't you think that if a party called for 5 PM attendance, a lady might mention it at some point before 4? So skipping the complete wash cycle, I jumped immediately to spin, then dried only the pair of jeans I was going to wear and chose a shirt. At some point I change 11 times, going with dress jeans and a fresh shirt, but bringing my wet jeans along for Sunday's attire. I arrived at MJ's at about 5:40 and at the party at 6 and no one was there but us and the landscapers. I think MJ likes to lights fires under me, to watch me try not to burn... Great game, huh?
By 7 PM, this little Central Corridor house was full slam up with total strangers saying Merry Christmas to this unregistered Jew and it was elbow to elbow full of people, none of which I knew. MJ was off with her friends socializing and I wandered from room to room waiting for the single bathroom to empty, so I could take my turn. At some point a couple was leaving, saying they were expected at yet another party and I begged them to take me with, but no, they refused and threatened to call the police on me.
After about an hour, we had played some game where you have to guess what Christmas item was written and a piece of paper and taped to your back. Naturally mine was Menorah, MJ chose it. Then everyone gathered in the little living room and played a White Elephant, where you purchase a crappy gift and everyone gets one after taking a number. I wound up with a book on how to pick up boys! I told MJ we either leave or I'm going to light myself on fire.... We left with only first degree burns...
We headed back to MJ's where she reported to me that she was sleepy. We went to bed where MJ snored as usual and I laid awake for about 4 hours in the dark, not able to sleep or watch TV or read, or do any of the things I do. MJ insisted that I was sleeping because she said I snored, but I snored awake, just to trick her. This morning she hops out of bed and announces it's time to trim the tree. Did I mention I LOVE Christmas? So we drank a little coffee and trimmed the tree and MJ told me I was totally useless in this department... I once again reminded her of my circumcision and explained that my tree trimming experience is limited. I did a few odd jobs around her house and we finally finished the tree trimming experience and let me assure you, her tree now weighs no less that 2000 LB with all of the decorations with 29 decorations every inch of tree. Santa himself would be impressed.
I've never been opposed to shopping, but if I have to walk through one more little girl's department and look at adorable little dresses again, I'm gonna puke! If I hear, "do you like the pink chiffon better than the blue velvet again I'm gonna die! This is the second day in a row of shopping in the pedophile section. I don't like it. It's not normal and it ain't right.
I tried to take MJ to Luke's Italian Beef for lunch but they had the nerve to be closed on Sunday, so MJ took me to a place called STIX for Asian food. I thought it was a pool hall but no. I learned it's called Stix because it stix in your throat! It was a 2 Rolaid lunch.
Once again this old man was pleased to hear MJ say she needed a nap. Now there's some thing we both like! We bopped back to her house for an afternoon snooze and I was awakened by a kiss and a goodbye! MJ had to go to the "groshery" store. I asked her to spell it and learned she needed milk and eggs for her granddaughter's return tonight. Little Angela, who will be 2 years old tomorrow, has been in CA. with her mom and mom's mom for almost 3 weeks and MJ was as excited as a cat on a roof at the sight of little Angela seeing all of the Christmas stuff. I kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye for a few days.
Thank God there are no more Christmas parties on the schedule for me! Whew!!!
No matter what NMS says!

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