I was married to a woman for over 5 years and when we split the sheets, she walked away to her North Scottsdale home and I never saw or heard from her again. You'd think that with the odds of things, I'd have run into her by now, but no. She could be dead for all I know and that would be fine. Not that she be dead, because I never had any ill feelings towards her, but that I don't run into her is probably a good thing. What would we do stammer towards each other or have one of those awkward moments that we all dread? She moved on and I certainly did.
Now remember Linda, the lady that I left in Chicago? I think the story went that I pushed her out of a car window at about 10 or 15 MPH? Well evidently she survived the fall and is alive and well in Scottsdale. Here's what happened...
MJ and I have been on one of our marathon dates. It started Thursday night and I'm only home to grab a change of clothes and continue on our quest to have the longest date in recorded history, in all of captivity. Thursday night MJ and I went to a Christmas party. As Christmas parties go, this may have been one of the more sedate ones. Take about 30 total strangers and put them in a house together and pretty soon you have people wandering around endlessly looking for a place to lite. Now this party was being thrown and I use the expression "thrown" lightly, as there was not a bit of throwing going on. The party was given at MJ's financial adviser's elderly boyfriend's house, a man named Lou. Lou was grey, boring, conservative, works in a bank and wore worn out black Levis and a plaid shirt that came right out of the dryer, without the benefit of a pressing. Get the picture? I've been told more than once that I'm judgemental, but you didn't have to do much judging to determine that Lou was boring and without a personality. Now he's been dating MJ's financial advisor for many years and they don't sleep together. They represent the traditional "companions". I also neglected to add that Lou was probably younger than me! There did seem to be about 3 live wires at this party. They were MJ's attorney, financial advisor and a third woman that I didn't learn her association with MJ, but was entertaining.
After about an hour of schmoozing, a long hour I might add, we left and went shopping for something to take to Saturday's Christmas party, being held at MJ's best friend's home, a doctor she works with in Central Phoenix. We headed to Costco where we brought home pizza to eat while we watched TV and tried to make out... Finally, we were both tired and decided to go to bed where MJ tried her best to have her way with me, but sadly my headache prevented anything from happening. We both awakened about 4 AM to a fit of passion, the likes of which I'd never seen. When MJ wants something..................well, look out!
After falling back to sleep, we headed to Scottsdale to Fashion Square for a little shopping for MJ's granddaughter who will be 2 this week. I parked near the entrance to Macy's where I always park while at Fashion Square, while MJ hollered instructions at me, to turn left, stop, go to the right and park... All of which I ignored while still trying to appease her. MJ has developed a way of actually steering the car from her position in the passenger's seat. As her instructions became just background noise, I parked. As we were just entering Macy's, with my head down and walking, I thought to myself, "I'm in Linda's neck of the woods, I certainly hope I don't bump into her". I don't think 10 seconds went by and I looked up and there stood Linda walking towards me and looking right at MJ and I. She saw me and looked away as if she didn't recognize me. With my mouth agape, all I could say was, "Oh my God", as she looked up and said, hi! I don't recall what either one of us said and the entire meeting took about 3 seconds and she was saying happy holidays and do I want to sell her my table? I said, no, I'm just keeping my stuff and not selling anything. I turned around to continue walking and ran smack dab into MJ that was just standing there. I'd thought she had kept walking, not even knowing I'd stopped. That's when it started. Well, I guess you're too ashamed of me to introduce me to your girlfriends..... What? She's not my girlfriend, you are! Well you certainly didn't act like it. You didn't even acknowledge me. Am I not dressed well enough for you to have introduced me? Blah, blah, blah.... Well readers, it's still going on. Every time MJ remembers it and she remembers it often, she throws me another dig about not introducing her to Linda.. Women, you can't live with 'em and you can't push them off a cliff!
And so the marathon date with HIGH MAINTENANCE MJ continues and we head to get into line for the famous chicken salad at Nordstrom's little restaurant, only we're standing in line with a dozen elderly ladies to get a table and there's no telling how long our wait will be. So I beg MJ to go somewhere else and she recalls a wonderful Italian place not too far called Sal's. It's at Hayden and Osborn and wonderful and reasonable and clean. When was the last time you ordered an Italian specialty lunch with a salad and choice of dressing with complimentary garlic bread and butter for $7.95?
After a delicious lunch, we headed back to MJ's for addition sparring practice about Linda, played for a time and headed over to my house for me to get more clothes. I had no idea how wardrobe intensive this date was going to get. I changed, yet again and we went to the Movies to see the worst film I've seen since, I returned to the movies a year ago or so. Invictius with Morgan Freeman and Mat Damon. Morgan Freeman was great as Nelson Mandela, but Mat Damon was horribly miscast in this film about Rugby. The movies was missing anything that resembled a story line or plot and was a series of slow motion shots of Rugby players getting knocked down. Thank goodness for Martha Jane insisting on the Senior Citizen discount and the almost free popcorn and Cokes or this could have been the end of me.
This movie did however work wonders. MJ, who resembles the energizer bunny, keeps going and going and going... Martha said these words to me, "I'm tired, can we just go home and go to sleep"? With a new bounce in my step, we headed for the car and drove straight home to MJ's. We didn't stop at Walmart for dog food or the sweater MJ wanted to buy for me at Sam's Club or Costco or a shopping center, but just home... Frankly, home never sounded so good. Even if it isn't my home... From here, I'm headed to the shower, then my wardrobe for a fresh look and then it's back to MJ's for the big party tonight at Bernie's house... And the marathon date continues....