A True Miracle...

I just came from an appointment to get an Iron supplement. The medical practitioners make a big deal out of it and charge like $250 per injection. That's what insurance is for, I guess. The group that frequents the Kidney specialists office is not a stellar group, but rather a pitiful bunch, me being one of them. We have failing kidneys and should really be in a 12 step program, but I digress. When the front door opens, you never know what's coming in, but seldom is it anyone with a bounce in their step. I like to joke with the receptionist and always make her laugh. Today when I approached, she was already half smiling in anticipation of what was coming. I said, hi. I'm here for an oil change! That, for some reason cracked her up. I sat and waited to be called.

The front door opened and in waddled a woman that was easily 200 LBS OVERWEIGHT. I mean she must have weighed 300+ LBS, was short and wore a black (slenderizing) Moo Moo. I thought the sale of the MooMoos was over and they had been outlawed nationwide, but no. This lady must have been wearing the last one on Earth or it was fashioned out of old draperies. She was B-I-G! Huffing and puffing she approached the front desk and wrote down her name. My eyes were glued to her, like watching a train wreck, I couldn't look away. After completing her check-in, she turned and approached the seats where she stretched the limits of her chair by simply dropping down into it. I swear I heard it groan! As she descended into the unlucky chair a transition took place that I don't recall ever seeing before. She slowly, yet methodically settles down into a "puddle of person"! At her apex was her head and she gradually just spread out like a puddle, until it got to her horribly deformed ankles and feet. Her ankles were the size of a normal person's thigh and in the center was a dimple that was her ankle. That's when I noticed it. Her toes! Her toe nails were painted black or some dark shade and I knew I'd come across the $64,000 question. How???

I'm 6 feet tall and boast of a 32 or 33 inch waist and fought like hell to clip my toenails, just yesterday. I put it off because it's so uncomfortable to bend over so far to reach my toes. No, I'm certainly not in shape and work out......................a-a-a-a................ never! How the hell did she get her's painted? If anyone has the answer, I'd appreciate it. I might just want to sell it to NASA or Ripley's!