Friday, October 29, 2010

Two Dead Ends, but Never Say Die!...

I have GOT to start reading the profiles BEFORE I contact these ladies.

Meet Debbie, an very attractive 57 year old woman that had been nosing around my profile. The only thing I noticed about her, other than the fact that she's visited my profile numerous times, was that she didn't drink..... ever. That was enough for me. I did the unmentionable, I winked and ran. If she responded, fine. If not, nothing ventured, nothing gained. About an hour later, she wrote me the following email, so now I was forced learn a little about her. OH-MY-GOD! She talked non-stop about exercise and how her man will have to be into exercise and she can't stop exercising.

Well, I often times misspell exercise, because it is such a foreign thing to me. I wrote to her that her unusual amount of exercise concerned me because since I had my heart removed, I haven't been too much into exercising, but I'll let you read the uncut version below. In my reply, I bobbed and weaved and avoided the truth by joking, but exercise and me have really never met. This is a prime example of winking and biting off more than I could chew!

Dutch Oven
Wanted to thank you for the wink. Sorry to hear you lost your dogs. That is one of the hardest to get through! And, you'll never forget them! I lost my dogs a couple of years ago, and I still think of them. Plus, my bird still calls out to them.
I'm a high school reading specialist at an alternative school, and my favorite thing to do in the world is to work out, and visit my granddaughters. They are a kick!
I liked your "favorite part of a woman's anatomy is her mind" comment, and believe that goes both ways.
On that note, I'll wish you a nice evening!

Hi Debbie and thanks for responding to my wink and I also apologize for only winking. That's not like me to just throw out a test wink, but I tried it. I saw you looked at my profile and noticed that you were pretty adorable, so in a fit of passion, just winked and ran. Sorry.
Your rather charming email touched me and reminded me of my pups, who are currently appearing in my dreams. Truly, I began dreaming about them and it's nice to be able to visit with them again. They were Great Danes and of course had a massive presence, but I digress.
I loved your profile, but one thing concerns me is my lack of exercise compared to your active regiment. The last 2 times I got my heart rate as high as you describe, my two sons were conceived! I used to be an avid work out guy, but in 2005, I had to have my heart removed after an accident and haven't exercised since. I still look pretty good for an old guy, but that is the truth. They did replace my heart, but I haven't fallen in love since, sadly... The doctors assure me it's not health related, but I still wonder.
By now you probably think I'm absolutely insane and if you reply, I'll know it's just my imagination. This is a test!

RE: Impressive
Wow ... what an experience! I can't even imagine going through something like that. Were you given exercise limitations? How does it feel coming out of a surgery like that?? Congratulations on a new heart!
I have exercised since the age of 5. My dad was a pro boxer and he had me boxing young. At the age of 10 I broke some poor boy's jaw while fighting. I taught kickboxing for several years, but I do spinning and running/weight-training these days, which is probably why I lead a single life. There are few who would tolerate my schedule, but I love it. I could not endure a sedentary lifestyle. It runs in the family, as my dad is the same,,,,or should I say I'm like him.
I hope you have a nice evening.

Next was a lady named Cindy. I found Cindy on another website that is free and pretty much, you get what you pay for. Cindy was only 50 and still had that innocent look to her and her profile, with the exception of attacking her ex for stealing all her money, was pretty intelligent. Her reply was quick and offered me her phone number, something that is usually held onto for a time. I called and it was busy, so I left a nice message. I said I was calling from the escort service and was patiently awaiting her return call. About 20 minutes went by and she called. She immediately launched into a tirade about her special job working for a HOA and completely turned me off. The next topic was her stupid ex-boyfriend that stole all her money to invest in multilevel marketing schemes and how you couldn't fix dumb. While she was picking apart this guy that was probably not the brightest crayon in the 64 pack, she was rapidly losing points with me. After about 30 minutes, to get off the phone, I suggested we talk another time and perhaps meet for a cup of coffee. I had no expectation of ever calling her again, but got an immediate email saying how much she enjoyed talking to me. Pretty odd, I thought.

About an hour ago she called to break our coffee date, because she just wasn't feeling a connection. Huh? I told her I understood and hung up confused. Why did she find it necessary to break a date that was never made? I have a date tonight with a lady that frankly seems pretty normal. We'll see!


Cheryl said...

You are one funny guy. Great blog!

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