Monday I got a call from Sears that the new microwave replacement was ready, that I had ordered last week from a gentleman name Aschmed that has been in this country long enough to learn that if you keep saying the same thing, over and over again and louder and louder, you are indeed selling. When I left there, I had paid in full for an item that I thought would be at their "will call" section as I've done this before with my water heater. But no, I was told they would call me when it came in, just to wait. I left having that empty feeling, similar to when you bet on the number 3 horse and the number 5 horse comes in.
Yesterday, the phone rang and the caller ID read 1-800 Service, so I didn't bother answering it. There was a long and involved message from a recording of a woman in Shaumburg, Illinois telling me that my item is ready at "will call" and I'd better get it, after all, we've got your money! I quickly called Julie, trying to catch her, as I knew she was in my area with her truck and was making a delivery. She was in a bad mood because of some political effort at the plant that she works out of, and said no in 5 or 6 different languages, all loud. I suspected today wasn't the day to ask her for any help.
I drove over to Sears with my little VW convertible, thinking somewhere in that car there's enough room for a microwave. I was wrong. Eventually, I laid down the front seat and stuffed the enormous box in there on it's side. With $2 and the help of a young man that was stronger than smart, I was on my way home. Did you ever drive with something blocking your vision on your entire right side? So you're only able to use the right hand lanes, I inched forward hoping a motorcycle wasn't trying to pass in the bicycle lane. When I got home, I lifted this thing out of the car and realized how heavy it was. I managed to get it to the scale and discovered it was 62 LB. How in the world was I going to hold it up with one hand and screw it in with the other. On the box, it said in bold print, " Do not try to install this item alone". Hmm.... Alone is all I have?
I thought for a few minutes and examined my options. Most people would have just waited until someone would be willing to help. In my case, that could be a long time. I decided to tackle it by myself. After all, I'm creative! I was the guy that figured out a way to even weigh the box! I tore open the box and was truly impressed with the contents, that by the way, Aschmed never showed me and I never thought to look at. It had a turntable and a shelf. I took out a bunch of things, anxious to get to the microwave itself. I was smart enough to turn over the box and lift it off of the unit and with all of the apparatus off, it was a lot lighter.
I had left the old bracket on the wall and it was a GE and I replaced it on purpose with a GE, so I figured there would be no reason to change their design, right? Wrong, it wasn't even similar. I literally was starting from scratch. I won't bore you with the minute by minute report, but let it suffice to tell you that it took me four hours of non-stop hammering, drilling, screwing and lifting. At one point I was actually thinking about calling the boy-toy from down the street. The 33 year old guy that lives with the 60 year old wealthy lady, 2 doors down. The problem with that was, he would want to start hanging around here talking about the time he installed a water heater for his aunt, which is his favorite topic, home repairs.
After drilling the appropriate holes and hoping for the best, I tried using Zoie's eating platform for a base in holding up this monster. It was useful when I removed the old one. This new microwave must have been a little taller because the platform was no longer usable. Then it was a case of paper towels that I had just bought at Costco, but they were too short. I went out to the garage for incentive and all I could find was 2 old Volvo car jacks that I thought might do the job, but they were not stable enough and designed for use on the street, not the stove. Finally, I used the paper towel case with the box the electric drill comes in for a proper fit and began drilling the top holes, in the wrong places naturally. After getting it pretty close to right, I screwed my microwave in place and looked at the mess I had created. It took an hour to clean that up...
Now, I told you all of that, so I could tell you this.. That night I went to bed about 11 PM. I was bushed, doing all of that physical work. Just not used to it anymore.. At about 12:30, I heard this God awful crash and only one thing went through my mind. From a dead sleep, I tore through the house to the kitchen, with my feet never touching the ground. In my mind the mental image had already formed. I pictured the cabinets having fallen, along with the new microwave, into the perfect, practically unused stove beneath it and now everything needed to be replace! But nothing, everything was intact. No fallen microwave and I never did figure out what the crash was, unless Zoie ran into the wall, because I found her in the living room with little birds flying around her head!
Mel
4/15/08
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