Sunday, November 1, 2009

If I Don't Dance a Little Everyday, I just Don't Feel Good!

Last night, Halloween night, NMS who is really MJ and I went out on our first official first date, again. Feeling less than 100% after absorbing a McDonald's Big Mac for lunch, I searched through the contents of 3 heavily stuffed bathrooms medicine cabinets in search of Pepto, but all I found was Witch Hazel, only fitting since it was Halloween. God only knows who left that tidy morsel behind.
MJ texted me asking if we were still on for tonight and I figured what the hell, I can feel crappy anywhere, I don't have to stay home. So I threw on some clothes, splashed on about a half a gallon of Safari (always works) and looked for my dancing shoes. Last month at the wedding, I wore my good shoes that not only left me wounded, but have rubber soles and really hampered my "moves" to where you could never tell I'd been to Arthur Murry. I hopped into the Expedition, my very best party car and headed to MJ's, being ever so careful not to run over any munchkins out trick or treating.
As I pulled into Arcadia, an old and respected neighborhood, it was pretty scarce of romping children, as the residents there require trick or treating by appointment only. MJ warned me that her house would be dark as she is the Grinch who stole Christmas and is currently working on Halloween. Frankly, my house was left dark too and not only that, but I hid my extra cars in my side yard so as to not tempt vandals...
MJ looked delightful in a new dress she'd never worn and I must say, she knows how to dress. And there I was wearing although new jeans, but they were frayed at the bottoms. We waited around for a little while until MJ's 2 year old granddaughter arrived back after searching the streets for candy. Her Mom took about 2000 pictures of her dressed in her princess outfit and she was adorable.
We headed out to none other than the infamous Eli's on Halloween night. MJ warned me that most people would be in costume, but I was fearless and waaaay too old to be dressing up for Halloween.
The parking lot was mobbed with expectant partiers and even the Valet parking looked full, with the exception of one single handicapped parking place right by the front door. I swung the Expedition into it was great ease as MJ slid down in her seat, mumbling "who goes dancing and parks in handicapped parking?" I walked around and opened the door for her and she kind of slid out of the car trying to become invisible. We walked in the front door and were greeted by friendly faces and most of the patrons were dressed up in one sort of costume or another. We had fun pointing out a man that was sporting a Mullet, until I realized he was not dressing for Halloween, but rather just stuck in the 80's. We had great fun trying to point out the ones in costume as opposed to just plain shabbily dressed people. After first walking in, we had to move to a different location because the creep standing next to MJ kept looking at MJ's cleavage and drooling. We found 2 seats along the wall, but some fat guy kept touching MJ's hair and saying what she described as inappropriate things. I ordered us some drinks and was surprised to be welcomed by the owners Greg, who recognized me and called his brother Tony over to say hello. It was old home week for this former drunk.
At some point evidently the band played the right song and MJ grabbed my hand and said, "come on", pulling me onto the dance floor, where we were obliged to dance while standing in one 12" assigned spot. If someone had a heart attack and died, they'd have to wait for the band to go on break, to fall! It was that crowded.
When we got back to our seats that MJ had asked the fat guy that kept touching her hair to watch our seats, (but I think he was just watching hers), a new player had entered the arena. I suspect he was supposed to be Danial Boone, as he wore a coon skin outfit that was a jock strap made of raccoon skin and a raccoon tail over his bare ass and a fringe suede jacket and chaps that went up to his thighs. I saw more of that man's ass than I'd ever even seen of mine, while women stopped to gawk and take pictures. It wasn't until I saw the raccoon tail lift up, that I grabbed MJ and said, "Let's get out of here, I've had enough"!
We headed to the Camelback in where we had a civilized drink, sitting chatting and listening to some beautiful piano music, holding hands. Quite romantic. We left and I gave the valet guy $5 to get our car and in spite of the large tip he still brought us the same old car. I was hoping for at least a Mercedes... but no.
We returned to MJ's where we rolled around the sofa until 1:30 and I still got sent home like a schoolboy. I guess I'm gonna have to see MJ again, I planted my cell phone under the cushion!

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