Lynn Ellen Smith

I moved to the town of Skokie in 1955. I was 9. I'm from the ghetto, where we learned to fight before we learned to walk. We moved from a changing neighborhood on Chicago's West side, however most of the change was already complete. I was about 70 LB and way too street wise for a nice Jewish boy. I immediately got into a fight with Dickie Youngstrom, the toughest kid in our new class and won, making me "Top Gun". That was probably the first fight I'd ever won. Back then, all you had to do was sit on the other kid and hold his hands down until he gave. It was easy. No automatic weapons or even knives in this new suburban school. I liked it!

Our neighborhood was quiet. We played baseball, basketball and football, without the interference of adults. We'd pick sides and play, no parents with injured egos to deal with, just sports. Life was simple.

Then one day a girl moved in across the street, but honestly I didn't even notice because I was still working on my curve ball. The following school year, a new girl was walking to the bus stop, Lynn Ellen Smith. She was cute and quiet and had great posture. She was prim and proper and walked with a few girlfriends. What, with my curve ball and that new slider, I had no interest in her. That went on for several years, then one day I noticed that she looked different. Either that or my curve ball and slider weren't too important anymore and Lynn Ellen's posture had changed considerably and in a good way. I recall her always walking with her notebooks in front of her. Now that area in front of her was filled, but it wasn't with notebooks. She had developed quite the feminine shape. One that a retired pitcher paid attention to.

I think I was about 17 when I finally started talking to Lynn Ellen and used some excuse to get to know her better. She was cute and shapely and bright. I'd find a reason to wander over to her house almost every night and watch TV with her and her folks. At some point Mom and Dad felt comfortable with me being there and went to bed, leaving Lynn and I to get to know each other better. We "made out", a major break-through in our relationship. We'd just kiss and every time I got creative and found my anxious hands wandering, Lynn would politely put them back where they couldn't get into trouble. That went on f-o-r-e-v-e-r! I must say, Lynn was a nice girl and never let me get too ambitious. I remember walking across the street every night to my parents house, kind of limping, thinking maybe some day. But that day never came. At some point and I'm sure neither of us know why, we just kind of cooled things off and she started seeing a guy named Johnny. Johnny drove a Mustang and left it parked in front of Lynn's house until the wee hours of the morning. Every night I'd peek out the window to see if the Mustang was still there broken hearted, regretting that I'd let that relationship slip away. Johnny and Lynn Ellen married and are still married at the present time. Some things happen for a reason and her reason was Johnny.

Living Opposite Lives...

When I was a young boy, I recall lingering in bed and really sucking up all of the goodness of the bed as long as conceivably possible. It felt sooo good to lounge there and doze off repeatedly. Obviously it was the weekend or a holiday when school wasn't in the horizon.

As life went on, those lingering days were gone and replaced with hopping into action, getting ready for work or to change a dirty diaper, or to answer a ringing phone call from the Fraternal Order of Police Relief Fund. Those days of lounging in bed were over and truly missed. Well, they're back! They stopped at 16 and started again at 60. It's just wonderful. I love my bed and my bed loves me.

This morning I called and left a message for Dippy. I had already missed her by oversleeping. I didn't get up to call until 9 AM and she had worked all night until 7:30 AM and had already gone to bed for the day, by the time that I called. I left her a groggy message and she returned my call today at 5 PM as she was stretching and starting to get ready for work again. She works three, 12 1/2 hour days from 7 PM until 7:30 AM per week, back to back and then has 7 days off in a row. Awesome schedule, but hard to get used to.

FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE

Having to return to work tonight, Dippy and I just finished a 48 hour marathon with one another. Because I'm extremely old, the events of the 2 days seem to be running together, but I know for sure they include both Mexican and Chinese foods, at least one or two Margarita's and a whole lot of fun. Not the weird kind of fun that you can't really talk about, but the side splitting fun that only happens when 2 people are on the same wave length. Seemingly, we both like exactly the same kinds of food and often order the same entree. Dippy is a little more partial to Mexican and I can eat Chinese food almost everyday. I'm always willing to bend if it's a Mexican food night, however. I did make one point to Dippy after paying the bill for our Chinese food. I asked if she knew the difference between Chinese food and Mexican food and she ask what? About 20 bucks, I replied and we left.

Wednesday night was our honeymoon night and we laughed and played all night, finally drifting off about 4 AM, but when the phone rang at 7:30, we both jumped into action to see what was wrong. Forgetting that the rest of the world is up and about at that hour, we settled back to doze for a few minutes, but the night was officially over. Then we drank "our" coffee and dressed and headed over to Dippy's for her to shower and change clothes. We went to lunch and then picked up my Corvette that was at the repair shop on the other side of town. Or it was the day before and we just went back to my house to settle in. We watched TV and talked and told stories from long ago and looked at pictures of kids and people long gone. By the time night fell, I personally was bushed, having had only 3 1/2 hours of sleep and I'm pretty sure Dippy was feeling the same. We headed up to bed and that's when Dippy asked for extra pillows. I looked at her like she was kidding because there were already 4 on the bed. She volunteered that she likes a lot of pillows. I went downstairs where I remember 2 king sized pillows in a guest room closet and 2 more on the guest room bed. Climbing the stair with 4 large pillows and throwing them onto the bed that already had 4 pillows, I just laughed. Dippy was elated and thanked me for my thoughtfulness. She settled in as I just watched and climbed into bed too. I asked her to scratch my back and I think I recall about 3 scratches before seeing that it was not only light out, really bright. I slept like a log! I rolled over to my left side to see if my playmate was up yet and that's when I saw it, "THE FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE". To my recollection, it was only Superman that had a "Fortress of Solitude". Now there was one in my very bedroom and right there in my bed. Dippy had created a cave of pillows. She had disappeared into this cave and I wasn't sure I'd ever see her again, until I rubbed my eyes and recognized my black T-shirt that I had worn the day before. It was stuffed with boobs and hiding inside the FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE. She'd built a fort! Inside this fort, god only knows what weaponry was armed and ready to fire. I woke her gently by whispering a private message in her ear. She must have been dreaming of an invasion, because she jumped into action. I calmed her with my obnoxious laugh and inquired about her Fortress of Solitude. Innocently, she just replied, I told you I like a lot of pillows! Tonight she goes back to work and life will resume a more routine style.....................until next week, then look out!

Hardcore Family

Ever since the dysfunction of my own family cast me out with no one, I've been envious of people that have current, active relationships with their families. It really isn't that hard. All you have to be is a little normal and the emphasis is on "little" and "normal". After my son brought home the daughter-in-law from hell, there wasn't much chance of anything that resembled unity. So, slowly but ever so surely, she sabotaged everyone and emotionally kidnapped my son. I'm not blaming her exclusively, as he let it happen. All of that left me a 63 year old orphan, along with my former wife, his mother, who has also been made a mockery of too.

When I was seeing LJ, I tried to get myself included in her circle of family, but she wasn't about to give up even one smile from either of her grandchildren, although she would show me innumerable pictures of the 2, soon to be 3 darlings.

Time flashed by as it does when you're older than dirt and along came Dippy. Now the dynamics of Dippy's family is endless. It's like taking a course called Family 101. There are names, people, animals and don't forget events. Starting with Abby, the Golden Retriever that doesn't "take" well to men. I was kind of leery about her, as I've never met a dog that I didn't like and respectively liked me. I was prepared for the worst. When I first walked in, Abby the protector of the family approached me with her ferocious tail wagging and hasn't stopped yet. Much like myself, Abby is half blind and the other half can't see, 2/3 deaf and a sweeter personality can only be found in her grandchildren, who I all ready find myself adoring. Naturally, Jack the 2 year old is my favorite, but the older ones, Jaydah 8 and Noah 12, run tight seconds.

Saturday is for shopping, right? Dippy invited me over to do a little shopping, something I've been forced into before. I thought I knew my way around the stores by now, but no. I arrived about noon to Dippy, her 22 year old son Ben, her 30 year old daughter Katy and as usual, my favorite, 2 year old "Smilin' Jack". I've never seen that kid without a smile on his face and a warm greeting.

I was informed "we" were going shopping. I thought Dippy and I were going shopping, but shopping turned out to be a family affair. We all piled into the car with Dippy driving and headed to Safeway. Being a Fry's guy, I felt a little disoriented, but was able to find my way around. The adult kids grabbed Jack and tossed him into a child seat in the cart and took off on their own, leaving just Dippy and me. You can really learn a lot about a woman watching her shop. The basic animal instinct comes out, the drive for survival, if you will?

As Dippy tossed things into her car at lightning speed, I just watched in amazement. How could anyone fill a shopping cart that quickly? At some point we rendezvoused and Katy and Ben had done pretty well too (for trainees). All the while, cheap ass Mel was yelling, that's a Costco item! It's half the price at Costco. Surprisingly, Dippy listened and we checked out. Next stop, return some movies, drop by the shopping center where Jody, Dippy's oldest daughter, was at the Dance Studio where the big wedding shower was being held on Sunday, tomorrow. She was getting a jump on her Jeep that surprisingly was dead. Jody is the 32 year old mother of the 3 grandchildren, got all that? Me too.

Next stop, go back to the house to unload groceries, Ben, Katy and Smilin' Jack. Did I mention he's only 2 and NEVER cries?

We're heading out to Mesa and Chandler to stop at the credit union and Kohl's and Costco. After a quick exit in Mesa somewhere that may not even be on the map, we headed to Kohl's to pick up the earrings for the bridesmaids that match the necklaces and that is the only Kohl's in the valley that had the precise ones. After waiting patiently at the jewelry counter for the only employee to free herself of her customer, Dippy's mouth was left open as an overweight woman rushed the counter and stepped right in front of us, smiling and saying, "you don't mind do you, I'm in sort of a hurry?" Another woman may have ripped her face off and poured salt on her bleeding flesh, butting in like that, but Dippy just smiled and said to go ahead. Porky did and was gone in a matter of minutes. Again, I was just observing....

With earrings secured, we headed back to the car once again and searched for Costco. Lost and tired, we spotted it at Elliot and the 202. It was a Saturday at the only Costco for miles around and the parking lot looked it. This is one of my reoccurring nightmares. I go to a Costco on a weekend and drive around their parking lot endlessly looking for the perfect parking place, but I never find it and then drive off a cliff. *Idea for Costco* Have golf carts picking up customers from their parking lot and shuttling them to the front door.

We enter. Again Dippy is like greased lightning filling our shopping cart, when suddenly I see she is talking to a little man and I'm fearful that she may toss him onto the cart too. But no, he was just passing out menus to a restaurant near by. We exited after Dippy paid the bill. We filled the Expedition and the gas tank and headed out, me being proud that I saved my gas purchase all day and saving over 22 cents a gallon by filling up at Costco.

So we're driving along and I notice that my gas mileage has dropped to 14.9 MPG, probably because of the load we're hauling for the wedding shower. Now this is not my part of town and frankly, I was born with out a SOD, Sense of Direction, so dippy says to take the 202 to the 101 North and I do. Suddenly, she screams at me, "GET OFF HERE" so I do and say, I thought you said the 101 North and this is the 101 South. With her head down, she whispers........sorry! Now we're officially lost and heading to Tucson. For whatever reason, the car got awfully quiet as we backtracked quite a few miles home.

It was during that drive home that I noticed that I was having trouble reaching the gas pedal and the brake, and I'm thinking, what the.........? Who know that you could actually walk off about 2 inches just shopping? I'm actually glad I lost it in my height, I couldn't have afforded it anywhere else!

Reaching Dippy's house, aka headquarters, I mentioned that I was really kind of tired and while Dippy prepared over 20 LBS of potato salad, I thought it a good idea if I headed home and prepare for our romantic evening I had planned. I did that and Dippy arrived at my house about 10 PM, we played for a while and laughed for awhile and fell asleep until morning, awakening with an OMG, what am I gonna tell the kids? I guess with combined ages of 118, me supplying most of it, we have come full circle. We no longer hide our activities from our parents, we hide it from our kids!

NOT a love story...

For those of you that are in a relationship or in a long term forever marriage and are thinking about freeing themselves of that involvement, this entree is for you too. Those of us that are single and looking, there is a dating service call Match.com. It is for everyone that I write this post.

On July 24th, of this year, I was on my way out the door to meet Dippy for our first introductory date. We refer to this as the interview date. I was about out the door when the computer chimed to announce I had new mail. I stopped and what you read below came from an attractive 48 year old flight attendant. I quickly replied that I was on my way out, but would write her back in a detailed email and definitely get in touch with her. Little did I know that Dippy and I would "hit it off" and I wouldn't follow up with this Diane. Feeling guilty and not knowing how Dippy was feeling about me, I tried to buy myself some time by writing and saying I'd been pretty busy with selling my house, but was still intending on contacting her by phone soon. A week later she replied, "A call only takes a minute, it's up to you."

Yet another week later, I was sure that Dippy and I were pretty content with one another and I wrote the next email.

Initial email from Diane:

Date received: July 24, 2009Subject:
Hi,
I am also from the Chicago area (Evanston). and have a lot of the same interests you do. Your pictures are great!
Since I am often on the run, I can't always get to a computer. You can reach me at XXX XXX-XXXX.
Take care,
Diane

My "buying time" email.

Hi Diane: First let me say that I did have every intention of contacting you, but things have changed since you first wrote. As I replied to you, I was on my way out to go on my first date with a lady that I had met on Match. As you can imagine, I had no idea how it would go. It appears that it went pretty well and we're currently seeing each other. I'm not what you'd call a "player" and do not intentionally ever deceive anyone. What I told you about listing my house is true, but you are correct, a phone call takes only a few minutes. I wanted to see how this relationship developed before meeting someone new and it appears to be quite "on track" at the present time. Do you think it would be acceptable to you, if the current situation changes, that I contact you at that time and see if you're still interested? As I mention in my profile, I believe in honesty, even when it's not good news. Mel.....

Yet another week went by and this is my response from Diane:


game playing and dishonesty. Sorry

My knee jerk reaction when I read this in the middle of the night:

What I'm hearing is a sore LOSER, but a LOSER none the less! Sorry.

Then I felt bad about saying something so rude and insulting and didn't figure she joined a dating service to be emotionally dismantled and follow a few hours with this:

Please forgive my knee jerk reaction to your previous email. I awakened in the middle of the night to read your reply. If you're fair about the entire situation, you'll have to agree that I couldn't have been more honest with you. If you'd prefer to have it your way, that's okay too. Apologizing for being cruel, is the intention of this email. Good luck to you.

Mel

Then, last night I got this email another full week later: (hold onto your hats)

Date received: August 16, 2009
Subject: RE: Seek professional help!

I can't believe that I haven't even met you. You know nothing about me and you sent the last 2 e-mails "with the intention of being cruel". I especially couldn't believe you called me a "LOSER" All I can say is LOOK IN THE MIRROR DUDE!
What makes you even more of a loser is the fact that you met someone you like and you still want to leave communications open with me! You are the exact person that I want nothing to do with. If you think you are God's gift to women well guess what - you are more like the booby prize!
Thank God I didn't waste any time meeting you in person. You need psychiatric help before you go off on someone and hurt them I am now blocking you from contact I never want to hear from you again. LOSER!

And this, lol...

Date received: August 16, 2009Subject: RE: Re: RE: Excuses are Like............
Sore loser - YOU WISH! I haven't even met you (and believe me - you NEVER will) I'll put it in a nutshell - you look like a child molester and your personality is delusional. I am going to report you to Match because your e-mails are scary and sick! Why don't you put yourself in a "dutch oven" and turn it on high!

I never got to meet Diane... Do you think I dodged a bullet? I think Diane is alone for a reason and that reason is ANGER! Child Molester????

A LOVE Story...

Me at 17 yrs.

It was the spring of 1963, I was just 17 and strange hormones raged through my veins through every faction of life. I was tall and thin and muscular. I was 6' 1" and weighed an amazing 147 LBS. sporting a 30 inch waist with broad shoulders. It was the first warm sunny day of the spring, in our Chicago suburb of Skokie. I recall laying on a towel in my parent's backyard wearing nothing more than a black Speedo and being ever aware of the warm sun on my groin. One word that best describes every 17 year old boy, was HORNY. That would be me. As I layed there with the sun beating down on me, I was completely aware of my masculinity and was hoping no one else saw me. With my eyes closed, I suddenly felt the showering of a handful of pulled green grass, softly coming down on me and I opened my eyes. There stood my new next door neighbor, a woman of 22 that had recently moved in with her 32 year old husband and their 2 small children. Donna was clad only in a bathing suit, as well. In one fell swoop, I grabbed a handful of grass and leaped over the 42" fence to the neighbor's side and threw my handful of grass at Donna. She bent over claiming yet another handful and tried to put it down the front of my bathing suit. I grabbed her 2 hands and forced them behind her back, leaving us face to face, lips to lips and she reached up and kissed me. It was a long, deep, passionate kiss that must have lasted a full minute. It was the longest minute of my 17 years and during that 60 seconds, I thought of all of the ramifications that were being implied. After that kiss, there were no words spoken, she just lead me into her house to the dark cool basement, where I became a man and she remained a woman. That affair lasted a full 5 years and only stopped when I got married. I thank God that the only thing that ever got broken as a result of that affair, was my heart...

A Flash from the Past...

I shared this story with a friend this morning and they thought it would make a great blog entree, so here we go.

The year was probably 1962 or 1963. The location was my home town of Skokie, Illinois and it was the heart of winter. We had suffered a rather bad snow storm the night before and I was sitting on the end of the sofa, looking out the window, watching Jack our next door neighbor shoveling snow to clear his walkway. Jack was a pharmacist and worked a ton of hours at our local Walgreen's. He was almost never home during the day.

My father, a man without a sense of humor, walked up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder and looked to see what had me so intent on observing. In a rather matter of fact way, he asked, "Jack off today"? Knowing that timing was everything, I slowly turned, looked him in the eye and said, "No, you"?