Monday, August 24, 2009

Hardcore Family

Ever since the dysfunction of my own family cast me out with no one, I've been envious of people that have current, active relationships with their families. It really isn't that hard. All you have to be is a little normal and the emphasis is on "little" and "normal". After my son brought home the daughter-in-law from hell, there wasn't much chance of anything that resembled unity. So, slowly but ever so surely, she sabotaged everyone and emotionally kidnapped my son. I'm not blaming her exclusively, as he let it happen. All of that left me a 63 year old orphan, along with my former wife, his mother, who has also been made a mockery of too.

When I was seeing LJ, I tried to get myself included in her circle of family, but she wasn't about to give up even one smile from either of her grandchildren, although she would show me innumerable pictures of the 2, soon to be 3 darlings.

Time flashed by as it does when you're older than dirt and along came Dippy. Now the dynamics of Dippy's family is endless. It's like taking a course called Family 101. There are names, people, animals and don't forget events. Starting with Abby, the Golden Retriever that doesn't "take" well to men. I was kind of leery about her, as I've never met a dog that I didn't like and respectively liked me. I was prepared for the worst. When I first walked in, Abby the protector of the family approached me with her ferocious tail wagging and hasn't stopped yet. Much like myself, Abby is half blind and the other half can't see, 2/3 deaf and a sweeter personality can only be found in her grandchildren, who I all ready find myself adoring. Naturally, Jack the 2 year old is my favorite, but the older ones, Jaydah 8 and Noah 12, run tight seconds.

Saturday is for shopping, right? Dippy invited me over to do a little shopping, something I've been forced into before. I thought I knew my way around the stores by now, but no. I arrived about noon to Dippy, her 22 year old son Ben, her 30 year old daughter Katy and as usual, my favorite, 2 year old "Smilin' Jack". I've never seen that kid without a smile on his face and a warm greeting.

I was informed "we" were going shopping. I thought Dippy and I were going shopping, but shopping turned out to be a family affair. We all piled into the car with Dippy driving and headed to Safeway. Being a Fry's guy, I felt a little disoriented, but was able to find my way around. The adult kids grabbed Jack and tossed him into a child seat in the cart and took off on their own, leaving just Dippy and me. You can really learn a lot about a woman watching her shop. The basic animal instinct comes out, the drive for survival, if you will?

As Dippy tossed things into her car at lightning speed, I just watched in amazement. How could anyone fill a shopping cart that quickly? At some point we rendezvoused and Katy and Ben had done pretty well too (for trainees). All the while, cheap ass Mel was yelling, that's a Costco item! It's half the price at Costco. Surprisingly, Dippy listened and we checked out. Next stop, return some movies, drop by the shopping center where Jody, Dippy's oldest daughter, was at the Dance Studio where the big wedding shower was being held on Sunday, tomorrow. She was getting a jump on her Jeep that surprisingly was dead. Jody is the 32 year old mother of the 3 grandchildren, got all that? Me too.

Next stop, go back to the house to unload groceries, Ben, Katy and Smilin' Jack. Did I mention he's only 2 and NEVER cries?

We're heading out to Mesa and Chandler to stop at the credit union and Kohl's and Costco. After a quick exit in Mesa somewhere that may not even be on the map, we headed to Kohl's to pick up the earrings for the bridesmaids that match the necklaces and that is the only Kohl's in the valley that had the precise ones. After waiting patiently at the jewelry counter for the only employee to free herself of her customer, Dippy's mouth was left open as an overweight woman rushed the counter and stepped right in front of us, smiling and saying, "you don't mind do you, I'm in sort of a hurry?" Another woman may have ripped her face off and poured salt on her bleeding flesh, butting in like that, but Dippy just smiled and said to go ahead. Porky did and was gone in a matter of minutes. Again, I was just observing....

With earrings secured, we headed back to the car once again and searched for Costco. Lost and tired, we spotted it at Elliot and the 202. It was a Saturday at the only Costco for miles around and the parking lot looked it. This is one of my reoccurring nightmares. I go to a Costco on a weekend and drive around their parking lot endlessly looking for the perfect parking place, but I never find it and then drive off a cliff. *Idea for Costco* Have golf carts picking up customers from their parking lot and shuttling them to the front door.

We enter. Again Dippy is like greased lightning filling our shopping cart, when suddenly I see she is talking to a little man and I'm fearful that she may toss him onto the cart too. But no, he was just passing out menus to a restaurant near by. We exited after Dippy paid the bill. We filled the Expedition and the gas tank and headed out, me being proud that I saved my gas purchase all day and saving over 22 cents a gallon by filling up at Costco.

So we're driving along and I notice that my gas mileage has dropped to 14.9 MPG, probably because of the load we're hauling for the wedding shower. Now this is not my part of town and frankly, I was born with out a SOD, Sense of Direction, so dippy says to take the 202 to the 101 North and I do. Suddenly, she screams at me, "GET OFF HERE" so I do and say, I thought you said the 101 North and this is the 101 South. With her head down, she whispers........sorry! Now we're officially lost and heading to Tucson. For whatever reason, the car got awfully quiet as we backtracked quite a few miles home.

It was during that drive home that I noticed that I was having trouble reaching the gas pedal and the brake, and I'm thinking, what the.........? Who know that you could actually walk off about 2 inches just shopping? I'm actually glad I lost it in my height, I couldn't have afforded it anywhere else!

Reaching Dippy's house, aka headquarters, I mentioned that I was really kind of tired and while Dippy prepared over 20 LBS of potato salad, I thought it a good idea if I headed home and prepare for our romantic evening I had planned. I did that and Dippy arrived at my house about 10 PM, we played for a while and laughed for awhile and fell asleep until morning, awakening with an OMG, what am I gonna tell the kids? I guess with combined ages of 118, me supplying most of it, we have come full circle. We no longer hide our activities from our parents, we hide it from our kids!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Glad you wrote something new in your blog. This gal sounds like a very stable force in the lives of her kids and grandkids. That's a good sign. Also sounds like you have a
sweet 2 yr. old buddy. It's all good.