Sunday, August 2, 2009

My Cherry Got POPPED!

My House
I woke up this morning like every other morning, late and not knowing what day it was. My first business of the day, everyday, is to determine what day of the week it is and act accordingly, which is the same when you're retired. I did however realize that my house is now listed in the Greater Phoenix Multiple Listing Book and I might be inspected by a perspective buyer. I've dreaded this day for almost 17 years, when I went through it at my last home. This meant I'd have to make the bed, dust, close closet doors, put my hair dryer away, out of sight and otherwise act like I'm living in some model home, which I'm not.

After showering and shaving and hiding any trace of my existence, I skipped down the stairs and made coffee. By this time it was almost 10 AM. Sipping my first cup of Java, the phone rang and it was a real estate agent saying, "Hello Melvin"... I replied, it's Mel and he wanted to argue because the listing said Melvin. I asked if we could move on? He was stuttering and lacked the self confidence that it takes to sell anything. I didn't give him a very good review, frankly. We made arrangements for him to be here in 1 hour.

I leaped from my easy recliner and began paying attention to business. In the next 60 minutes I had to get this place presentable and it included, dusting, moving furniture back to where the staging princess ordered it and raking up the leaves in the backyard, but only after putting stuff away that was not permitted to be out. When I finished all that, it was 10 minutes early, so I texted Dippy that my first customers were coming and I didn't have a clue as to what to serve. Since she's working nights, she was fast asleep and won't see my message for hours. I think I was talking to Barry when a car pulled up in front of the house, stayed about 2 minutes and drove away. I figured it was them, but didn't like the outside well enough to come in. I was either paranoid or hurt! Promptly at the arranged time and young fellow pulled up in front, with another car following and they rang my bell. It was the "stutterer", only he was full of confidence now and I realized he was all along, just doesn't have a good phone presence. He was about 40 and well dressed and polite. I welcomed them both in. His client was a single man clearly doing the search for the family. They seemed impressed. They stayed a long time too. I told him I was brand new at this and if they had any questions, just to ask. I volunteered the fact that I was a real estate virgin. I broke the ice, I always do.

While they was touring my estate, the phone rang and it was some guy asking if his wife could show the house at 1 PM. I said sure and we hung up. About 5 minutes later, my agent called and said there was a woman trying unsuccessfully to reach me, was a 12:30 showing okay? Again I said yes and made ready for my busy day. Immediately I wondered if I'd priced the house too low. Too much action is a sign of a bargain. If it were a car, I'd rethink my pricing.

At precisely 12:30, a Mrs. Fink handed me her car and I graciously welcomed them in. It was a young family with an 18 month old, being carried. I remember those days, but they were long ago. I was introduced to Kirstin and her husband Arthur and we shook hands. Then I was introduced to Alex and Kirstin quickly corrected Art, who was really Arthur in her eyes, that the boy's name was not Alex, but Alexander. It appeared that Kirstin had something very snug, stuffed up her little ass. I shook hands with the little guy and without thinking said, "Hello little Dude". Kirstin rolled her eyes. It turned out, that was the car that pulled up, stayed for 2 minutes and left. This young family didn't stay long, but when they came into the family room where I was parked, I offered that I was playing elevator music so they'd think I was sophisticated. Art said back, "I'm wearing my hat backwards so you know I'm not"! We all had a good laugh, except Kirstin who evidently was very uncomfortable with that thing stuffed up there. They left...

Now I'd received 3 calls, so I was still expecting my 3rd and last buyer. I sat there on the sofa, hungry. I didn't want to start cooking when people were walking around. It's bad enough my personal real estate agent told me my house stinks. She flat out told me, I had house-a-tosis! I should buy Fabreeze. I asked almost everyone I knew, that would tell me the truth and no one said my house stunk. I also had a more personal problem. I needed to use the bathroom. I don't want to start discussing numbers, but it was the one that relates to "fiber". Now how could I do that with people inspecting my bathroom right after? So I just walked around with that Jamie Lee Curtis look, after eating her daily dose of Activia yogurt.

Now buyer number 3 was due at 1 PM and it was now 1:30. How long do I wait for a "no show"? That's when I looked at the caller ID and it said, "Fink", the same name as the woman that was working with the young family. Dummy! It was 2 calls for the same person, so I went to the john, and cooked breakfast at 2 PM. I'll get used to having my lifestyle scrutinized by perspective buyers..............around the turn of the next century!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your house is really nice Mel. Deb