A Member of the Klan...

My Third Wife's Family

I've got a story to tell that probably needs telling.

In 1996 I married a woman that was a Klan member. Not the KKK that we all know and despise, but a Klan of her own. The other members of the Klan were her 2 sisters and her mother who was the matriarch of the Klan. The KKK pretty much only hates Blacks and Jews, but the Family Klan hated Blacks, Jews, all men, but particularly men that were not blue collar workers, anyone that was not a practicing Catholic and the descendants of all of those groups. Unfortunately, I was all of those things except Black! I didn't have an ice cube's chance in hell of surviving this group.

Marrying this woman was a clear case of not being able to see the forest through the trees. I looked for a common denominator that kept these 3 sisters together and unmarried, but never thought it was the hatred of men that caused it. Let me describe this trio. My wife Lulu (not her real name) , for 5 years anyway, was a rather attractive 42 year old that had never been married before and for argument's sake, had never even had a real relationship. I thought that odd, but understandable as she was career oriented, or so she said. Next in line was sister Kathryn, a 40 year old, cute, petite lesbian that had yet to come out of the closet, but insisted that her live-in girlfriends were merely roommates. She was a little on the "butch" side and the family protector. She and I got into it more than once. Last but not least, was Doris the baby of the family, age 39. Doris was a tad on the hefty side and a true slob. You never saw her without a cigarette in her hand and it was always pointed towards an open door, as she knew she was not allowed to smoke in the house, due to everyones asthma. She was a classless creation that later married Marc, a redneck with a tattoo of a panther on his chest and a Mullet. Marc fit in beautifully as he was a security guard wearing an actual "blue collar" and of course they shared their love for cigarettes and Marc specialized in drinking at least 24 Silver bullets a day, before taking the kids on motorcycle rides. Quite a crew.

Last and of course least likable was the mother, Mary. Mary was about 78 years old when I knew her and has recently passed away, or so I hear. She was of German descent. Mary was the one that created these 3 personalities and took responsibility for them. Mary HATED men! It was only after I married into the family that I realized it, by the way her former poor deceased husband was always ignored. At some point I asked what happened to her dad and I was told he died of a brain tumor 20 years ago. I asked if they ever went to his grave and the answer was, yes Mom does on Easter.

Well, it turned out that Louis, her father was a VW repairman and owned his own repair shop here in town, but Mary was the bread winner with her job at Motorola and the pension she received. In the 5 years I was married to Lulu, she never spoke of her Dad. One day, I asked where her father was buried and to my surprise, the cemetery was about 5 miles from where we lived. I suggested we go for a visit and say hello. Lulu kept looking at me as if to say, why? I insisted on going to at least give him the respect I'm sure he deserved, for even putting up with this hateful family. It was a Sunday and we didn't have any plans, so why not?

We got dressed and headed over to the cemetery. Lulu had no idea where to find the grave of her poor deceased father. It was pretty interesting though, as this was where they buried the soldiers. Some of the graves were over a hundred years old. Finally we happened upon the grave of her father, purely by chance. Lulu said hello and started telling her father things that she had been doing for the past 20 years and she was really letting him know all the details. That's when I nudged her with my arm a few times and when she stopped and looked up at me to see what I wanted, I whispered to her, "introduce me". With a puzzled look on her face, she said Dad, there's something I haven't told you, I got married and this is my husband Mel. I said, how do you do? He didn't answer.

I never found out what this man had done to these 4 unhappy women to make them hate men the way they did, but our marriage didn't last too much longer after that. One day, out of the blue, Lulu announced that she wasn't happy and was moving out. Within 10 days she was gone and I never heard from her again, other than the delivery of divorce papers that I signed and sent back. My guess is that Mary handed down the decision and after that, all we needed was the paperwork!

Mel
11/8/08