Divorce!

I've been feeling this blog post coming up for quite some time, but had hoped it wouldn't surface, but alas some things just cannot be squelched. This is what's going on. I'm due to get divorced in 2013 and I'm afraid it's not going well for me. Why, you are asking? Well, if history presents itself in the way it has in the past. I got divorced in 1980, 1991 and 2002. That's every 11 years. I was due to get married some time around 2009 or even this year, but things are just not going well. No candidates that I feel are good for a 5 year marriage. The playing field is getting pretty unpopulated. Or my criteria has gotten tougher. Here is a list of potential candidates and you'll understand why. First of recent, there was the flight attendant. Great pictures, personality that was charming and pleasing in every way, just as if you were a passenger on one of her flights. We spoke for several 1 hour conversations, while she was in Tucson, Washington State, Hawaii and Alaska (and it turns out you CAN'T see Russia from there). She was gone a good deal of the time and when she finally came to Phoenix, we rushed to meet and what did I see? A charming flight attendant that was old beyond her years and didn't have the ability to share her personality beyond flight information and generalisms. No depth available and almost got a whiplash getting into her car after our meeting. That woman knew how to lock a Toyota door!

Then I'm talking to a woman named Sonny, but it turns out not to be her real first name. She shared her real first name with me after a 1 hour talk on the phone, but wouldn't disclose her real last name until she knows me better, so I Googled her phone number and got it pretty easily. Who cares what her name is? She's 59 years old and going to nursing school. That I respect, but her honesty changed as she began trusting me more and more. Originally, her house was for sale for a million five, but it turns out that she doesn't reside in it, as it's really owned by the IRS. She's living elsewhere and going to nursing school and must of her story doesn't add up.

There's Claudia, a Jewess from NYC, (my favorite) that used to be a therapist but currently owns a resale consignment shop somewhere in Scottsdale, but won't disclose where. Frankly, I don't suspect it exists, but she interests me from a business standpoint. I'm reluctant to call her again, because all I want is to pick her brain and perhaps copy her business, if indeed it exists?

Then there was another MJ. This one I actually HATED just from a brief conversation. I saw her online and remembered that we had had some dialogue about a year ago and she remembered me. She told me that if I wanted to meet her and she meant on the phone, I'd better hurry! Not your typical reaction to a request for a phone number. I asked why and she said she's about to hang it up! Give up on online dating and start going to bars. Again, not typical. She gave me her number and I phoned her. She told me right up front that she doesn't like talking on the phone, doesn't want a phone relationship and no pen pals and wants to meet, right away! (Hey, it takes all types.) I agreed to that and we continued a short conversation, as I wanted to check her grammar and personality. You know, just get to know her a little. At some point she told a story and I commented that she was a "tough old broad", just joining into the conversation, not meaning anything derogatory and there was a long uncomfortable silence, after which she said, "Don't EVER call her old again"! It was at that very second I knew our relationship was OVER! I keep her number on my phone, just in case she calls again, I won't answer! D-E-A-D!

Another lady wrote to me on the website wanting to know if I knew how to use a lawn mower. She has a house in Arcadia and is getting too old at 61 to mow her own lawn. You can imagine my answer to her. Turns out that blowing leaves is as far as I ever got in Arcadia! (private joke)...

One woman wrote saying she thought I was very clever, but she's the same age as me and though she might be too old for me. I replied yes, you and I and I are BOTH too old for me! The following day, she wrote that yes, she recalls writing to me. Hmmm.... I checked her profile and sure enough it said in black and white that she drinks "regularly".. With my new "holier than thou" attitude about drinking, she just won't be a future wife.

So I'm sorry to report, there will not be a divorce to celebrate in 2013.............unless I hurry!