Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The First Lie is Never Enough...

Last night, as I lay in bed reading a mystery novel, my Blackberry indicated that I had mail. It was a message from a lady on Plenty of Fish dating service, oh joy! It indicated that it was from AZSweet and the reason that I know the screen name is because she has written to me so many times in the past. Her name is Candy and she wanted to know when we were ever going to get together? Candy is 62 and frankly, between her plump size and advanced years, I never really even read her profile. I already know I'm going to catch some heat for saying 62 is advanced age, considering I'm 65. 

The book was kind of mundane and I figured I could use a break, so I got up and hand cranked the old laptop. I opened the website and found her email and went ahead and started reading her profile. The opening line was, "The website has be at 62, but I'm really 67 and they won't let me change it". The entire profile was 3 lines, double spaced and finished with saying how honest she is. By this time I'm in stitches. She opens with a confession to a lie, says she a happy person or some silly thing and finishes with her extreme honesty. I know, I know, but I couldn't resist writing her a short email. I explained in as nice a way as possible, that when a man reads her profile, he concludes that she's a liar, so she's sitting behind the eight-ball from the start. I was a lot more delicate with her when I explained it however, because I gots class! I delicately once again explain that this website will not let you change your age after a two week period and in order to correct her indiscretion, she will need to delete her present profile and write a new correct one and they will probably even let her keep the same screen name. Then I ever so gently explain that I personally am not attracted to her and that explains why I've never replied to her in the numerous attempts she's made to contact me. Once again using only the finest kit gloves.

I sent off the email feeling like I had accomplished a community service, gotten her on the right track and rid myself of a annoying pest. Back to my book. It's Patricia Cornwall mystery and I've read so many of them that they all seem alike now. About 20 minutes goes by when my cell phone dings in an email notice. Sure enough, it's AZSweet writing to thank me for my helpful email to her, right? Wrong. It was her alright, but she wanted to set the record straight. She simply explained to me that she started on the website when she was 62, then dropped off while she was in a relationship and now she's 67 and it's 5 years later and she's stuck with a profile that says she's only 62. I'm all alone in bed laughing my ass off, because this is a classic example of lying a second time to cover the first lie! Still laughing I begin my email to her on my cell phone. I explain in as nice a way as I can, that they don't ask you for your age, they ask you for your birthday, so they can advance your age as you get older. She had already told me how dumb this site is because they expect you to change your age every year and then won't let you. (All part of her master plot) I hit "SEND" and now I'm back to this boring book. Another little period of time goes by and yet another email from guess who. This time she's completely overwhelmed and tells me to stop contacting her........................... so I did.

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