Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I Used to Get Laid a Lot part 4...

I made it home by Sunday of last week and just relaxed that day I think. The following day, Brad picked me up along with Max and the 3 of us went to a surprise lunch at the Jade Garden at 92nd and Shea. The owner, Leon is a friend of Brad's and we sat at the bar and ordered lunch while Brad and Leon talked shop. Without knowing it, all three of we Fishers ordered precisely the same thing for lunch, shrimp with vegetables in the white sauce. Kind of an "ah ha" moment. Max sat between Brad and I and continually harassed me while I ate, and finally stole my last shrimp when I wasn't looking. 

We finished and to my surprise, Max and I ate exactly the same items on our plates and each left the triangular cheese puffs and 1/2 of our egg rolls (a little too greasy). We didn't have a chance to see what Brad left, his plate was clean! Brad picked up the tab and we headed out to make our trip to my former place of residence to get as much as possible. The day was rather pleasant up until then. Work was now on the agenda. We filled his SUV with as much as possible and headed out without incident. Came to the new digs and unloaded.

In spite of the fact that I've been in the hospital 3 different times in 30 days, I'm still required to have a home care nurse come daily to administer antibiotics through my PICC line. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the firm that was chosen was of Filipino descent. First it was a polite 49 year old 5' woman named Dalia, then one day she called and said she couldn't make it, but was trying to get someone else to substitute. Well, that was just not acceptable. My success on beating this bug that has attacked my heart is a regiment of antibiotics on a precise schedule. I called her boss and he promised to get me someone. Suddenly, a ring at the door and there stands another Filipino, this time a young man, again really short, under 5 feet tall. He came in and immediately started telling me that he refused to use the equipment that the company had supplied, that the pump they gave me is the worst one on the market and that Dalia had been doing every-fucking-thing wrong! He was surprised she didn't kill me. By this time, all I did was listen. I know from experience of life that when someone comes on that aggressively towards a coworker, it usually more personal that true. The following day, Dalia showed up again and I had to question her methods. Her mouth fell open and she told me that she had trained the young man. That's when I fired them all.

This was the point where I had to return to the hospital for drug poisoning of an overdose of Vancomycin. When I was discharged, 8 days later the topic of home care once again surface and I insisted upon a new home care company. Along came CJ's Home Care. Now I'm at the Scottsdale location and a lady calls and asks some appropriate questions and tell me what time she will arrive. She calls me from the front door and I answer the door and let her in. She takes one look at the large sprawling house and says, some fucking house! I think she used the F work 2 more times before we even reached my room. Her name was Lindy and Lindy was all about herself. I learned she was a widow, this tall 5'11" overweight Amazon with pants that were too tight. She talked about her lifestyle and all the things she was into, when suddenly Karin came in and joined us in bed. That's when I gasped and said, "Oh my God, this is my dream come true. Two beautiful women in my bed at the same time". Lindy said, yeah, too bad you're not going to get laid! We all had a good manage' toi laugh. They laughed harder than me.

Lindy became a problem in no time flat. She'd be late, not want to come at all, tell me that I can learn to do this myself and other unhelpful things. Monday morning I'm coming back from Sonora Quest getting blood drawn, because Lindy didn't want to come and I get a call from some other woman saying she's my new nurse and what drugs do I usually receive? I just about hung up on her. Too much confusion over what should have been a simple job. I asked her if she had my address and she said yes. I told her to meet me there to discuss anything. I was fed up. What ever happened to Lindy, the F lady? When I arrived home, I was talking with Brad on the phone, explaining my disgust, (he's a good listener) and to my chagrin, someone had set the alarm on the house and I wasn't sure if I remembered to code. I didn't and a screeching siren went off that you could hear blocks away and a sign that lit up saying motion in the kitchen. Yeah, it was me running in circles, looking for Karin's phone number! Fortunately she picked up and it turns out I was only off by one number. I went to my room and changed clothes. My phone rang and it was the new woman Carol at the front door. When I opened it, she said, why are the police here? Huh??? I looked over at the side door and there was a rather tall cop peeking in through the window. I slammed the door on Carol and went to the cop to explain. All the while I was expecting him to yell, "Get on the ground" but it didn't happen. He explained that he was there to check on a nurses call and no answer. Just to make sure I was okay. By the way, I'm told that safety check cost $100. That's when I remembered carol baking in the sun out front.

I opened the door and let Carol in who introduced herself as Nurse Carol. The first thing I said to her was if she intended to be my nurse, she'd better drop that name to just Carol. She agreed, saying she didn't want to be confused with one of my girlfriends. No chance of that. Carol was under 5 feet tall (again) American and wearing a purple sweat suit and walked from side to side, just like a ..................Chimpanzee. She wore a bowl cut haircut and was about 68 years old, it turns out. The next thing I asked was, whatever happened to Lindy? She explained that Lindy was just weekend help and that she is my regular nurse. I told her that I'm prepared to fire her and her company for lack of communication. Carol said this: I live close by, I only take on 2 or 3 patients at a time and I understand your needs. Then she asked why the police were here. I told her it was a security check and told her she just got the job. She said, good!

Carol has been pretty good, but it turns out she doesn't like to work weekends, but at least gave me enough instruction on how to do it myself, some of the easy stuff anyway. Carol is from Glencoe, Ill and worked at Saks in Old Orchard when Harvey, Barry, and I worked there in 1963 or 64. She's even Jewish, but still walks like a Chimpanzee. Today I found out why, Carol just lost 160 pounds after a gastric bypass! Wow!

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