Monday, March 15, 2010

Airline Stock Prices Soar...

Around 1974, early in that year, I sold "Up Your Legs" my pants store in Palatine, Illinois and was offered a job by Bluebell Manufacturers, makers of Wrangler jeans for their new Sedgefield line. The job paid a whopping $17,250 salary plus an expense account, something I'd never heard of back then. They ushered all of us to El Paso Texas for our first national sales meeting and showered us with perks and gifts, one of which was a little money clip with a nail file and a tiny pocket knife blade in it and inscribed on the Florentine finish was the company logo and Sedgefield. I told you all that, so I could tell you this. For the many years since and there have been 36 of them, I carried that money clip as part of my personal effects. I learned many years ago and I might ad, the hard way, that cash loose in your pocket easily gets lost.

While in line for the airport security, I did everything I was told. I offered my driver's license along with my boarding pass and when asked to practically strip down to my skivvies for security, I did everything as told again. I removed my shoes, emptied my pockets of anything metal and placed it all in the basket supplied. I ran my suitcase through the ex-ray machine and even offered my new cell phone at the proper time. My 36 year old money clip was in that plastic basket, as well. As it turned out, that would be the last time I'd ever see my money clip. When my personal items came out of the ex-ray machine on the conveyor belt, like everyone else, I rushed things back into my pockets, slipped my shoes back on and traced my belt through my loops, while hopping on one foot all the while. When finished, I played the role of a sheep and followed instructions to my gate awaiting take off.

I had already been seated and was waiting outside the rest room, about 30 minutes after take off, when I first placed my hands in my pockets, when I realized my cash was loose in my front left pocket. I probably looked pretty funny searching my front left pocket for my money clip, once I realized it was missing. When suddenly I had an "ah ha" moment when I realized that Homeland Security had confiscated my money clip, as it was rendered a threat to national security for me to be able to trim my nails while on board an airplane. You should all know that the world is now a safer place having me being disarmed by Homeland Security. You may all sleep better knowing that this 63 year old man can no longer hijack the plane with my 1 inch threatening blade. Good job, Homeland Security! The thing that really pisses my off is, that no one said anything to me. They simply stole it. Now I understand how they can sell these plane tickets so cheap. It's their side business selling money clips, that's supporting the airlines!


C.A. said...

The bastards took my hairspray, Mel. Somewhere is a minimum wage earning TSA employee with perfect hair and a money clip full of ones.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.