I can't say that my visit to Match.com this time around hasn't been productive. Everyday I get at least one or two messages from perspective matches, hoping to meet their last and greatest love. Some are old and some are actually too young. For example, as I approach 64, I received an email from a girl 45 that was pictured with a Rapper that she represents, as she is an agent for entertainers. I no more knew who this Rapper was that the man in the moon, although I'd seen him on TV in the past. That, in and of itself, tells a lot about me. That means I'm not impressed with Rappers and yes, I'm too old for her!
One lady I speak with almost every night for about 2 to 3 hours and we seem to get along very well, but we never seem to meet. I've asked her several times and she always has plans, but calls me the following evening to burn up my batteries. Go figure.
Last and my scariest contact is a woman named Barbara who I've been communicating with since the very first day on Match. She always writes to me at anywhere between 2 AM and 5 AM in the morning and it's not because she gets up early. At first I thought she was an insomniac, but have since changed my diagnosis to "Vampire"! Here is what I've figured out. During the day, she sleeps in her casket, filled with soil from her homeland, probably Indiana or someplace like that. Then, when the sun goes down, she roams around Cave Creek looking for fresh blood. Honestly speaking, she seems to have the sharpest personality and say some pretty cute things in her emails. I've grown quite attached to her for a sparring partner. This morning, after a lot of prodding, she finally offered me her telephone number and said she'd finally like to go to second base, talking on the phone. I called her tonight and there was no answer. I left a voicemail and then did my research, thanks to my friend Barry, who gave me a website that offers everyone's vital information. For some reason, Barry has sworn me to secrecy in giving out the web address. He feels it's our secret.
The following is the course of search I took and discovered that Barbara is NOT who she claimed to be. In her profile, Barbara claimed to be 55 and who was I to doubt it, although she did look a lot older in her photo. I entered her phone number on a Google search and it gave me her address in Cave Creek. I then clicked on her address and it offered me her full name, Barbara Smith. I then entered Barbara Smith in my secret website and the first thing that popped up was her date of birth and it was 1940! I was so upset, I couldn't do the math as quickly as I wanted to and finally, although I was alone, screamed out, "She 70 years old! Jeez Louise! It's a good thing I 've got caller ID, because she's bound to call back!