Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Stress Test...

Today I went for a stress test. I have to do one every year or so. It's named well, because it's very stressful. If you've not had one, first you're given an IV and they leave it hanging out of your arm. You constantly worry that you'll leak out all your blood, but it doesn't happen. Then they take ex-rays (pictures for 15 solid minutes and you have to keep your arms over your head and cannot move a muscle or the session is done over. (very uncomfortable position) Next your given something to drink and it mixes with the IV and you wait for 30 minutes while old people with walkers drag their asses around the room watching a cooking show on TV. (Very interesting). Finally, they call you and your attached to a machine with 200 connections, but first they shave your chest without warning. (They skip this phase on some women) Next you're introduced to the treadmill and you make friends at a very casual pace, however you soon find out the treadmill is your worst enemy, when suddenly it turns on you. (Glad I sold mine) In total, your on the killer treadmill about 7 1/2 minutes and my heart rate got up to 152, a new personal record, but I thought I was gonna vomit. Then I got dizzy and scared, while the tech kept saying, "You sure you're okay"? I replied, "I was fine till I started this crap"! Then it was back to the waiting room, but I missed out on the final recipe for cookies and will never know what to do with my yeast. Forced to drink more water, excuse myself to the rest room, come back in time for more pictures. So it's off with my shirt again, back on the table and another 15 minutes of listening to nothing, while my arms are aching over my head and going to sleep on me. "Ding" and my 15 minutes are up and it's back to the waiting room where suddenly there are interesting people discussing rattle snake bites. The bitch comes and gets me again and this time it's for my echo-cardiogram, basically an ultra sound of your heart. They smear you with Vaseline and some cross dressing butch with a crew cut and a chin beard discusses life for another half hour. You're done! Four hours total.

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