Tuesday, March 15, 2011

My Day at Hooters...

I tried to sleep late today, as I had an appointment at the Imaging place for noon, but wouldn't you know it, today I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to sit around knowing I couldn't eat or drink anything except for 17 ounces of water, right at 40 minutes before my appointment. I was starving.

I arrived at the joint right on time to fill out the plethora of papers. It asked me my gender then it wanted to know if I were pregnant. I answered, DUH? Now it wanted to know who to contact in case of an emergency. I thought for awhile and finally put down Julie. Next it wanted to know our relationship, so I answered "personal". Wouldn't you?

The only notable thing about the place was that it was just filled with gorgeous busty blonds. Every single employee, except a fat Hispanic guy was a drop dead gorgeous babe. I figured he was the HR guy. That kind of thing doesn't happen by accident! I opened the door to the place it looked like happy hour at Hooters!

I was about to ask how long I'd have to sit there and a nice lady came out from behind closed doors and called my name. Showtime! I was escorted to a private room by Cara and introduced to Ralph, the tech that she was training. I guess when you have ladies like that working somewhere, you have to have chaperons. Oh well. They laid me down on the table after removing my shirt and I was asked to lay in a horrible position, not on my side or back, but about 1/4 towards my side. I had to use one foot for a kickstand. Now he used what I thought was KY Jelly to lube the prod and the smell of the lubricant reminded me of better situations. Ralph told me that when he announced "stop breathing", I am to do so immediately, whether or not I've inhaled or not. Then I'd have to hold it for about 15 seconds, usually without any air in my lungs. Not fun! You find yourself panicking even though you know you can breathe if you have to. Once, I blew it and took a breath and Ralph went ballistic, showing his inexperience. Cara calmed him down.

Now that I was pissed off at Ralph, I decided to play the smart-ass. I causally asked Ralph how long he'd been doing this and he replied, "about 6 months". I let about a minute pass and mentioned that the reason that I asked was because, my kidneys are in the back, not on my side where he was looking. That's when Cara almost fell off her chair, yet Ralph found no humor in the comment whatsoever. Forty-five minutes later I was done and I asked where I could deposit the 17 ounces of water I was required to drink. Again Cara laughed and Ralph was confused.

Stage 2 was meeting Celeste', a buxom blond from Canada, who finished her sentences with, aye! My CT scan took about 10 minutes and I was free to go, which I did and headed straight for the Knock Kneed Lobster for some deep fried fish. I was starved! After the last two days of miserable issues, I felt I deserved it.

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