Monday, March 3, 2008

What Was all the Fuss about???

I found out why the Lovely Jules was so excited about me getting a pacemaker. She thought I said Pace Car.

There whole thing went pretty uneventfully. The hardest part was for Julie to be in two places at once, but she miraculously pulled it off. Everyone worked together to make this as comfortable for me as possible and for that I am forever grateful.

Here are some of the high points of the event for me. After bumming a ride to the hospital from St. Jules, we met up with my son Brad in the parking structure and were able to check in together. It was mentioned more than once that I looked somewhat scared, but every single time someone cuts into my chest with my heart as the general target, I get that way. Call me fussy! When I get nervous, I get funny, as displayed in the waiting room when my beeper went off indicating it was time to start the cutting. Like a man on his way to the gallows, head down, I walked the walk to the otherwise pleasant receptionist and turned myself in. She surgically removed my savings in the form of a credit card and sent me on my way to check-in.

Check-in told me to strip and put on one of those hospital gowns and not to forget to remove my underwear. Let me say one thing, suddenly my underwear became very dear to me and I wasn't handing them over to the first overweight little girl that asks for them. No sir! It turned out they came in handy as my next request was to lay in the bed and give my history. More than once I forgot I was wearing a hospital gown and lifted my legs to get more comfortable. Each time, both Julie and Brad would groan and look the other way. See, the underwear came in handy! It's not like I was there to give birth or anything, my work was above the border.

That's right around the time that Lurch came in to push my cart to the surgery area. Lurch was built like any of the 3 stooges and dumber. He was to transport me to the operating room, but rammed me into the wall 3 different times. I insisted that he pull over for a DUI test. Julie even offered to put her 120 LB to work and drive. Lurch kept apologizing saying it was his first crash and to excuse it.

We arrive at the OR and get parked for 30 minutes or so. That's when a nice nurse came for me and Brad and Julie were able to get a break from my pathetic existence. I went to surgery and they went to lunch. I'd been given Valium and didn't care if they cut off my head around that time. The next thing I knew, a guy wearing a mask was cleaning my chest and shaving the last bit of hair off of it and I knew I wasn't long for the conscious world.

In addition to the Valium, they give you a drug that gives you amnesia. I don't remember the pain, if there was any and I'm sure there was, but if I don't remember it, it's just like it never happened, see? I don't remember seeing my doctor, although I'm told he was not only there, but was my catalyst for humor.

The next thing I knew, I was back in my room and everything was cool. Brad said goodbye and Julie and I talked for a bit, but I don't remember one word of it. She left around 8 PM and we talked on the phone about 5 times. After being given a cup of drugs and one was Ambien and another was Percoset, I fell asleep for about 4 hours, waking at 4 AM. At 5 AM I called Julie and she was there around 8:30 to pick me up, after going to her house to walk her dog and take care of business there. Between a network of friends and family, the event went without a hitch.

I checked out and was swiftly whisked away to yet another visit to Whole Foods, Julie's new hang-out. There are only 2 things that put a smile on the Lovely Jules' face and Whole Foods is one off them! (Her grandchildren are the other). After that it was a Saturday visit to Costco, something no one should ever do, particularly after surgery, but I needed prescriptions filled. We went home and the Lovely Jules cooked all day. I tried to help by cutting up an onion, but cut my finger so badly that I got blood all over the diced veggies and was told to sit down. I accommodated.

The only restriction that I have, is that I cannot put my left arm over my head as that can pull the probes out of my heart. They gave me an apparatus to wear that restrains my left arm to my side when I sleep, but I've figured out a way to free it, even when asleep.


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