In My Afterglow....

As you can see from my last rather confusing post, that I'm sitting in the afterglow of accomplishing what I set out to do. I was smoking my proverbial cigarette and just leaning back, when from nowhere, my cell phone rang and it was an 800 number that had been calling me all day, but each time I'd answered, it was a dialing machine and there was nobody there to answer. Doesn't that just piss you off when it happens on a regular basis? Well, with try number 3, I answered and it was dead as usual, I waited 3 or 4 seconds and a kid with a pre-pubescent voice, still kind of cracking, said hello Mr. Fisher? This is Todd from Qwest calling to confirm your order information. Then he asked me if I had time to listen. Sure Todd, I said. Todd proceeded to recite my pertinent information including name, address, phone number, exact order and exact cost. Now, similar to most young men his age, he was blabbering at about 110 MPH until he got to the end and said, a one time charge of $19.95 for an initiation fee. S-C-R-E-E-C-H....... I turned on the brakes and stopped him! What "one time initiation fee"? It's kind of a fee that says, you've given us your business, now we're going to take every chance we can, to stick it to you. Kind of a thank you for your business, we're going to charge you to let us take your money..

I stopped him dead in his tracks. I told him I wanted him to waive that fee. He explains that he cannot, but my representative could have, but chose not to. Infuriated, I told him I didn't want to buy anything from him, which no doubt was why he was calling. I thought it odd that my rep never tried to sell me anything else, not even the Direct TV that I actually wanted.

My next step was to write an email to Steph Lake, a rather nice lady that commented on my post about "Cox Versus Qwest". I asked her to waive the one time charge of $19.95 that my rep, who evidently hated me, chose to charge. YOU will be the first person I contact when she replies and frankly, I think she's pretty good.

PS. I had to write to Steph using my Blackberry because my cable was out!

Cox versus Qwest and Others

The almost end result of my changing entertainment suppliers is the following. I beefed and complained about Cox charging me $142 per month for their version of Telephone, Internet and TV. I replaced their telephone by increasing the minutes on my cell phone, resulting in a $20 increase monthly, but Cox was charging me $27 for the same amount of talk time. Qwest is going to charge me $35 for DSL service and let's assume there's a $5 charge for taxes and misc. Cox charged me $33 for that, costing me $2. Direct TV sold me a package of 150 channels, which is all I ever wanted to begin with for a total of $35 including 2 receivers, that Cox charged $13 for the receivers alone. My TV bill with Cox was $87 with all of their add-ons, but not including tax. Direct TV is giving me 3 months of Showtime for free and if I don't cancel it, they'll begin to charge me $13 for it, but I'm going to cancel it. Remember, Cox's bill was $142 and I'll now be paying $35 for Internet, $20 for telephone and $35 for TV. That's a total of $90 plus tax. I'm no genius, but I'm pretty sure I just saved at least $40 plus a month for the same thing! From this consumer's standpoint, Cox sucks!

Cox Communications versus Qwest

Today is not a day that I'd ever want to live over again. Everything I did backfired in my face. It all began with opening my cable bill, something I seldom do, since it gets paid by my credit card. They only send me notice that my credit card company was billed. Suddenly, I notice that last month's bill was $115 and this month's bill is $142 and I haven't added anything to my service. I call. After the usual recording of what language I'd like to hear their menu in, I chose English. The wait was not long and some preppy answered offering his name as Danny. Danny sounded 14, but I'm sure he was at least 20. I told him my problem and offered that I never authorized anyone to add Starz to my account for $14 a month or the upper tier movie channels for $10 and why are they suddenly charging me $13 for 2 receivers. He tells me that I was informed of all of the add-ons, it says so right on the order. (In other words, I'm lying). I explained to Danny that when I push O for speaking with a customer service representative, I was expecting at a minimum, CUSTOMER SERVICE! He told me right back that, that's exactly what I'm getting. I said, yes, but it's BAD service and said goodbye. I hung up and started my quest for another source specifically, Qwest. That did not go well.

My intention was to eliminate COX. Cox communications, when they initially showed up in the Valley of the Sun, were accommodating, pleasant, cheerful and willing to do anything to gain our business. They seemed pretty good for years, too. Recently, every time I have the occasion to contact them, they either laugh at me or don't help me with one thing or another. When my Wifi quit working, someone told me Quest offered it for free. I told that to Cox, inching towards they should meet the competition, and the Dude laughed at me and said, no way. Go to Qwest if you want it for free. At the time, I wasn't quite fed up enough. Evidently, now I am.

My goal is to eliminate my home phone and just use my cell number for all calls. I needed to contact AT&T to increase my minutes. I was asked for my password, which I had no idea that I even had one, so I called a representative once again choosing English.......hellooooo. A pleasant lady answers and advises me that she is is not authorized to give me that information, I'll need to go to an AT&T Store and show them my driver's license to get that level 2 security information and tells me where I can find such a store in the Phoenix area. I walk into the store, meet Scottie the store manager, about 18 years old and tell him what I want and he immediately tells me he can't help me and walks away. With my mouth agape, I re-approach him and give him a detailed explanation of what I want, my cell phone password to access AT&T. He says, "Oh". I thought you wanted me to help you get the password for your computer. %&^U*&($.....

Have you ever met anyone named Scottie that you liked? Me neither. After about 30 minutes, I was leaving there with a new password, stored right in my password reminder, (Martha) and Scotty puts his hand on my arm and asks how I was treated there today. Cautiously, I was waiting for a camera or something from Candid Camera, he asked me if I'd take a survey pertaining to his performance? Boy, they may have asked the wrong guy on the wrong day? I left.

The first thing I did when I got home was to look at my password reminder and see what other passwords I can put in it to store, only to find out that I need a password to access it. Shit! Then I called the Lovely Jules to get some info on Quest. I pissed her off and she hung up on me. So there I was still "left-laning" it through the day.

Qwest was my next goal. I looked up the number on the Internet and dialed carefully, it was an 866 number, but I got some woman's answering machine, so I redialed and got her again. The phone number posted online is incorrect. I wonder how many calls she gets a day? Found a different number for Qwest, chose English, waited a pretty long time and got a lady that was less than pleasant, and was born without a personality. When she finally asked me for my social security number, I told her that I didn't see any reason to give her that information to get Internet service. She asked me for my driver's license number and I agreed to that and waited 10 minutes listening to their wise tips on how to turn on a TV. Finally she came back and told me no deal without a social security number. That's when she used the word "OUT" and pronounced to kind of oddly, making me think she was from another country, Canada at least. I asked what physical location I was speaking with and she replied Ontario, Canada. I can't get service without giving her my American Social Security number and she's not even in this country! I finally agreed to give her my number but I was getting pisster and pisster! Again she was gone forever and came back congratulating me for being a new Qwest customer.

Next I called MJ to get the scoop on Satellite TV. She's the expert there. By Monday, I should be able to call Cox and say "cancel my account". You know, I filled an entire day today, just being a crotchety old man! Cool!

(Desert Weed 122)

Does this look like the picture of a woman that wants to meet someone? I thought not, but initially she had a picture posted that was a little revealing, so going from memory, I decided to write her a note of introduction. In her profile she seemed honest, legitimate, down to Earth and sweet. I wrote her that I thought that and got a swift reply. In her reply she said that my profile didn't reveal very much and thought she'd like to get to know me better. I explained that I offered a clever entertaining profile never mentioned even once a prison stay or any incarceration aside from a former marriage. Honestly, I get at least one or two emails a day commending me on my humorous description of life. So I explained to the not so young lady that a detailed profile is just a playground for a liar and that it doesn't really matter what they say, as compared to the honesty behind the profile.

Her replying email said, "Send me your phone number, let's talk". I graciously replied with my telephone number and to call anytime. About 3 days went by and no call came from my suspicious friend. Then I got an email from her saying that she tried calling just now, but my phone will not accept blocked calls. Do I have any suggestions? This was my reply:

I've never accepted blocked calls. If someone doesn't want me to know who they are, I don't want to speak with them. If you'd like, I'll give you my full name for background checks. My credit score was 825 for the past 18 years and my full name is Mel Fisher at (ADDRESS)I hold a valid AZ business license and am bonded. Never been arrested and my last moving violation was about 15 years ago, going to Greer. 80 in a 65. Sometimes you just have to take a chance!

Mel

She replied promptly for the first time and said I was HOSTILE! What do you think?

Arizona, Love it or Leave it...

I LOVE THIS PLACE! I love every part of it. I love the dust devils, the monsoons, the 115 degree temperatures and I love the traffic we now have due to natural population burst. What I don't like, are people that come here and find flaws that originate from their own insecurities.

When I first moved here, some 35 years ago, this was quite a different place. I recall having been in town about 3 days when a buddy that helped me move from Chicago and I, walked into a Little Black Sambo's, a coffee shop chain that somehow disappeared, (can't imagine why) and sat down at the coffee bar. Eventually they changed the chain's name to Sambo's, then it disappeared. Sitting at the coffee bar was a cowboy, a hippy, a business man and his buddy, a guy that may have been Paul Revere and a genuine Indian. Not the kind from India, you know, the American Indians. My point is the diversity of our population here and the time when everyone expressed themselves and was accepted for who they were.

Personally, I've never been fond of people from the East coast. Particularly New York. They're never satisfied, always complaining about some damned thing or another and I wish most of them, but not all, would just leave if they find it too unpleasant here. When you're in traffic and someone is honking their horn, chances are, they're from New York. If someone is loudly complaining about having to wait too long for a table in a busy restaurant, chances are, they're from New York. If there is an unexpected delay on an airplane before take off and the person sitting next to you is going to write a letter to the airline, guess where they're from? Wrong, New Jersey!

This brings me to the topic of today piece. I was minding my own business today when an email alerted me to the fact that NewYorkLady was interested in me, so I read her profile and through the magic of "cut and paste", I present it to you:


"Born in NYC and grew up in Connecticut. I am now in Phoenix for the last several years and it doesn't hold much excitement nor promise. I miss the excitement of the East Coast, the physical beauty of the land, the beaches, and the style of the people. I am disappointed that you can go to a nice restaurant on a Sat. nite and there will be rusted pickup trucks parked outside and shorts and baseball caps inside, 24/7! Looking for someone to talk to who is not straight off of the farm! I am not a snob and I appreciate the simple things in life, but there is a limit of being a bit too simple!" End of quote.

Now is it just me or do want to put her on the first Greyhound back to NYC? Do you think she got stuck in the ghetto and doesn't realize it? Does she really think these $40,000 pick up trucks get rusted out here? Do you think that her profile on Match.com is the bandstand to voice opinions to an audience that similar to me, LOVE it here? I don't claim to be the smartest man in the world, but isn't the idea to present yourself in a good light, to appeal to the vast majority of the opposite sex? I feel compelled to tell her that she is wrong, but I liken that to telling a Republican they should have voted form Obama!

One Slipped through the Crack...

I got busy for some reason last week and completely forgot to tell you this story about online love. While reading and otherwise just minding my own business, my new Blackberry went off and notified me of new mail. Upon investigation, I found it was a message from a 51 year old woman, whose screen name was MyFairLady. I read her rather short email and decided to respond. We exchanged emails and one of the questions I had for her, was what did she do to occupy her time. She claimed to be semi-retired. Her reply was one of those that you wouldn't want to ask too many questions about through emailing, so I waited until we spoke on the phone, what I like to call, "second base". Her email said she was promoting Zero Point Life Force Energy. I thought, "Oh that"! Completely out of the circle, I had no idea what the hell that was, but I gave her my phone number to call me at her convenience. Her name was Claryse.

When she called, she said this was Claryse from Match calling. I said it was a pretty name and she replied, "Oh, it's something I just thought of one day". I told her I was referring to her name Claryse and she said she thought I'd meant MyFairLady... At this point I knew this was going to be a LONG conversation, for me anyway. Naturally, I was struggling for topics with this slow thinking lady, so I inquired as to what Zero Force Life Force Energy was, big mistake.

She heard about this amazing break through from her insurance man (because the automobile insurance industry is how they promote this medical miracle, right?) This discovery addresses life form at it's original source, the atom. When you put this miracle discovery next to, for example, a sour apple, the apple turns sweet. If you put it next to arthritis, the pain goes away and if you subject this amazing miracle of life to cancer, it cures that too. Hallelujah, let the healing begin, I thought! I humored her and asked a few questions. It's sold for $300 in the form of a pen and all you have to do is point the pen at the ailment and viola!

After a 30 minute labored talk, I hung up and went to the Internet for answers. I needed to research the Zero Point Life Force Energy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny!

I went back to this woman's profile on the dating service. I'd thought I'd read it once and found her to be believable. But I realized when I reread it, it was so long that I just never finished it. Particularly the last sentence that read, "So if I only look 51, why should I list my chronological age of 63? Shit, they got me again!!!

Packing Heat in AZ!

Today, Governor Jan Brewer signed into law the concealed weapon law in Arizona, making us the third state in the country to lift the concealed weapon law, following Alaska and Vermont.

What a pleasure it will be to be able to hide our weapons, as opposed to having to maintain the old "clear view" law concerning guns. We'll also be allowed to forgo the old background check, making the purchase of a deadly weapon immediate to anyone over the age of 21. Now, when a relative picks you up, after completing your 7 year prison incarceration for armed robbery, you can stop at your local sporting goods store and pick up a fresh gun. What a relief!

Having lived here for over 35 years now, I was used to carrying a gun wherever I went, but was forced to keep my Colt 45 strapped to my hip, in "clear view". What a pleasure to finally retire my big clumsy Colt and wear my new mini-Glock 9 mm in my shoulder holster inside my jacket or shirt.

When I first moved here I thought it was quite the novelty to have a gun sitting next to me on the car seat, while I occasionally travelled in some of the not so great neighborhoods. In the early 80's, I was involved in the ownership of a bar and restaurant in beautiful Sedona. When we sold it, at the closing, I had my 32 automatic holstered in my briefcase. The new owner of the bar asked if the gun was part of the bar's inventory. I just looked at and explained that since I've been here in the "Wild West", I've just always carried a gun. But thinking back, in all of those years, I never shot anyone, so he's welcome to it and I just gave it to him. Since then, the only pistol that I own is a 25 mm Beretta, that is an excellent gun, but as effective as a starter's pistol. Frankly, my intention is not to kill anyone, maybe just scare theme away.

So thanks to Governor Brewer for putting we civilians on an equal level with the bad guys.

We need Water in the Desert...

Today is not the first time that I've had trouble with the City of Phoenix. No, about 10 years ago, when I was one of the pioneers off online bill paying, I inadvertently sent them my house payment. They said nothing, but the following month, when bills came, it showed a $1900 credit on my account. That's when the light bulb lit over my head and I thought to check to see if my house payment had been made and it had not! I guess while in the passion of the moment, I clicked in the wrong spot and paid for a 3 year supply of water. It took me about 6 months to get them to refund it, by the way.

Today, using the mail for an excuse to get out and go for a short walk, I meandered down the street to absorb a few vitamins from the sunshine, it was a gorgeous day. Oh, the water bill, OK... When I got home, I opened the bill and noticed it was for about $233. I immediately thought, that's got to be a mistake. How could I use that much water in this little place? That's when I investigated further and saw it said to pay $156 today to avoid an interruption in my service, WHAT? Probably due to boredom, I pay my bills now when they arrive, usually the same day. How could I be in arrears with the infamous crooks at the City of Phoenix? I dialed their number 602 262-6251, I've got it memorized. You would too after dialing it for about 2 hours and getting a repeated busy signal. Finally a message giving me the option to hear the menu in Spanish, but I chose number 1 for English. Fifteen minutes listening to their version of jazz music, the same song over and over with a little gay voice reminding me to locate how to turn off my toilet if it leaks! DUH!!!

Finally Rosa answered and I almost cried! I was sooo happy to speak with ANYONE that I was overwhelmed. I told her of my plight and she asked me my old address and then my new one. After hold for about 3 minutes, she came back and told me that my old account holds a $156 credit and my new account is $156 in arrears. I said, DUH Rosa, what can we do? It turns out the problem once again is mine. When I moved, I should have changed my account number on my bill pay. I was sending the money for my new location to the account of my old location and now Rosa is going to apply for the adjustment. I asked how long that might take and she thought about 6 to 8 weeks, if it's approved? What about them turning off my water? Rosa said, "Oh, they're gonna turn it off"!

So once again, the City of Phoenix, strong-armed me into paying them extra money. Oh, by the way, their office closes at 1 PM on weekdays now, due to having to eliminate staff.

FOR SALE.....1997 Buick Regal GS w/SUPERCHARGER

As much as I try, I tend to be somewhat prejudiced against certain groups of people, no matter what I do. I voted for Obama, so my prejudice is not for all of the specific groups and it's not a white power issue, because I don't feel the white man is any better than anyone else. However, when certain groups of people treat you a certain way, you tend to notice that type of individual for that type of treatment.

Here is where my story thickens... Seven years ago, in 2003, I bought the above mentioned vehicle after test driving it, something I seldom did. Because this car was "Special" I wanted to experience it personally. It had the 6 cylinder, 3.8 liter V-6 engine, but it was the first year that they added a supercharger for performance. After my test drive, I was SOLD. This car would satisfy my "need for speed", in lieu of not owning a Corvette, that usually had a spot in my stable. For those of you that don't know me, I spent 35 years in the automobile business, buying and selling cars. Although I almost never drove this car, I just enjoyed owning it. As the years went by, I did maintenance and repaired whatever went wrong with it, just like it was a part of the family. It was.

With my current situation, downsizing, I only have room for 4 cars, but own 5. Against my wishes, the 97 Regal has to go. I've since bought an 85 Corvette with only 43,000 miles about 7 years ago to take it's place, but never eliminated the Regal. Finally, I placed an ad in the world famous Autotrader, pricing it a little high and standing firm on my price. After all, this is still a 13 year old car with only 75,000 miles. In the 7 years that I've owned it, I've only put less than 3000 miles on it. When my sister-in-law picked me up from the hospital after heart surgery, she was driving the Buick and smoking a cigarette. I casually asked her to put it out, as no one has EVER smoked in that car! My biggest delight would to pull up to a light with a Camaro full of teenagers next to me and blow their doors off. But that's just me.

So I placed an ad in the Autotrader and filtered the calls, making sure all applicants understand it's not the typical Buick. When someone actually qualifies, I let them come out and make noises about, others to look at, and turn down offers left and right. Yesterday, I got an email from a guy named Steve that inquired as to the availability and I wrote him back that it was indeed available. He later called and set up an appointment. He then called and confirmed the appointment, O-V-E-R-K-I-L-L... Steve had a youthful voice and told me he lived at McDowell Mountain Ranch and I wasn't impressed, although I was supposed to be.

Okay, here comes the kicker. He pulls up in an old Ford pickup and Steve is older than me, it turns out. He's 65 and wears a white beard and a US Marine Corp. cap. We shake hands and he introduces me to his wife and baby. Yeah, you read that right. Along with old Steve is a 30 year old Asian woman and a 2 yr. old Asian baby girl that is his daughter. Steve got one of those mail order brides from China and has a 7 year old and the baby. Sharon, the wife didn't speak enough English to understand, for me anyway.

After looking at the car, Steve told Sharon to go along with me on a test drive and then he added, if I can't understand her English, to just speak to her in Chinese! Well, at that point, all I could think of was number 14, House Special Chicken and my mouth began watering. I'm so stereotypical. Little did I know that either Sharon was either a stunt driver, or the worst driver I'd ever seen. I tightened my seat belt! I told her to make a right at the corner while she veered to the extreme left to make the turn. Through the grace of God, we survived the test drive and that's when Steve tried his best to hammer the price down. I explained that I've had the car for 7 years and I could have sold it many times for less, but I'm sticking to my price. I carefully explained that I'd had the car for that long and only drove it 3000 miles, but repaired everything that it ever needed and it's in really perfect condition now. He left with his Kamikaze wife. (I know that's Japanese).

Steve called today saying that they like to buy my old friend the Buick and he'd be over at about 3 to drop off $200 deposit to hold it until early next week when Sharon's money comes from China. I agreed. At about 2 PM, Steve called to tell me that he ran a Carfax on the car and it showed that it was emission tested in 2004 and not registered since then. I explained that I'd had it Emission tested and still have the original ticket, but it's expired and it will still pass emissions, guaranteed. Well, why wasn't it registered all of those years, he asked? Well, simple. I've had my dealer plate on it, in my garage. Basically, everything he explained to me was confirming what I'd told him and I explained that. I could see that Sharon was the problem. In her Asian confusion, she decided I was trying to cheat her and take advantage of her inability to understand English, somehow. That's when Steve said he'd call me back after discussing it with his charming wife. The call came about 2:45 and by this time I recalled many such sales of vehicles that I'd said, if I knew they were going to be this difficult, I wouldn't have sold them the car to begin with. I actually decided to stop the sale! When Steve called, he said he couldn't talk her into it. I stopped him and explained that it was probably for the best and when a transaction begins like this, it seldom gets better, thanks for trying. I said goodbye.

As I've gotten older, I learned some things from experience and this was a good example of it.

Another Dead End...

After 2 days of an exciting relationship, my latest connection fell sadly into a pile of............. wrinkles. I met Lynn a couple of years ago, online at a different dating service. We spoke on the phone at length. I told her my entire life story, she told me hers. It turns out that her confiding her deepest secrets to me was not a good idea, as I cannot be trusted not to be judgemental. I decided her traggic story was more than I could handle and let her fade away. We reunited tonight, after remeeting on Match.com on Sunday night, this week. We were so comfortable with one another that I suggested we have a "come as you are meeting", spontaneously tonight when she got home from Yoga.

She had a lovely home in the Moon Valley area and I arrived right on time at 7:30, but she was still not home. Instead, I was greeted by her 2 Dobermans that energetically barked at my early arrival. Being a dog person, I taunted them through the window until I'd had enough and was worried someone might call the cops. I waited for a few minutes in my car, when Lynn pulled in behind me. Even in the dark, I could see that she was about 157 years older than her pictures. Shit!

We entered her house through the garage where her two pups had their way with me and jumped up mortally wounding my right arm, but I was so thrilled to be playing with dogs, I didn't even notice I was bleeding. The young one got a little rambuctious and broke the thin skin on my right arm. Lynn asked me how I hurt my arm and I explained that I didn't hurt my arm, until I looked and saw the blood running. No big deal. It should be just fine in a few weeks.

That's when I got a chance to check out Lynn and it didn't go well. She was tiny and prunish. About 5' 2" and very little shape, she was way too wrinkley for me, for only 58. This is an interesting observance. One person that age can look to be in their late 40's and another to be 70. Unfortunately Lynn looked older than her years. She offered me water and we sat to watch Kate someone get kicked off of Dancing with the Stars. We didn't talk much for two people that just spent 48 hours laughing our asses off on the phone. In person, I found her argumentitive, disagreeable and horribly wrinkled. She actually said to me, "You're not so funny in person"! I felt like answering that I'm not too funny when I'm scared! But I just explained that it's difficult to be "ON" all of the time.

I commented that I really don't believe in having dog's ears cropped to meet our human needs, as it's terribly painful for the dog, just to satisfy our human vanity. She then told me that her younger one's ears were already done when she got her, but she didn't like the job they'd done, so she had them redone! I immediately thought of my own rather long ears and a chill ran down my spine. To say that we got off on the wrong foot was would be an understatement, but the two dogs seemed to adopt me and her big male slept on my lap for about 2 hours, occasionally getting up to lick my face, while the female begged for my attention.

I went home at about 9:30. I'll probably miss those dogs...

As the World Turns....My Own Soap Opera.

Jogging Accident

Today's picture was presented to me from a woman that wanted to see if I'd read her profile and see if there was anything we had in common. When I compare this to the woman that was hit by a truck, it's not quite as violent, but come on ladies.... Do they really think this photo is going to bring a man calling?

Another disastrous weekend, I'm afraid. I was communicating with a tall blond lady, that claimed to be of Jewish descent with blue eyes to boot. I was getting a Jewess with the German look, that actually I'm quite fond of. Here was the problem. She emailed me with a curse word along with her phone number on Thursday night. On Friday morning she apologized for cursing, as she is not only a college professor, but one with a PHD. She claim to have been under the influence of wine. No problem. I called her on Friday afternoon, responding to her email that said, "Shouldn't the next step be meeting"? She explained that she doesn't like to talk on the phone, but will meet me at some predisposed time and location. I said, tonight at Ssuch n Such's. She said she was busy tonight but Sunday is open. I said, fine. Sunday at 4 PM at Such n Such's. It's a date.

Saturday afternoon I got an email saying she was free tonight if I wanted to meet her then, but wanted to go to a couple of trendy places in Keirland Commons. In other words, the place I chose wasn't good enough. It was a fine choice, I thought. I replied that I was busy on Saturday night, but would still love to meet her as arranged on Sunday. (Observe, no phone calls, all emails) Sunday around 2 PM, she emails me yet again to cancel, due to a family dinner she forgot. During one of her emails, somehow her last name slipped out from the website and I googled her to find that her 54 years were really 62. Is this going to be a constant? DELETE!

I emailed a new lady last night and she immediately responded that we'd talked a few years ago and how have I been? Holy shit, I thought my mind was intact but hey, being 64 is just no fun. I did a search in my old memory files and came up with her. I now refer to my brain as a weak computer with not enough gigs. I remembered Lynn. She and I spoke at length and I had her laughing pretty good when suddenly she felt comfortable enough with me to give up some personal information that she only shares with close friends. That she is a former addict and was on Cocaine. I listened and judged and hung up, deciding that my life was complicated enough without introducing an addict to it. Oddly, that doesn't bother me anymore. I think that people are entitled to make mistakes and it's what they do to correct those mistakes that's important. That and the fact that she was photographed in a bikini online! We chatted until rather late last night.

Every weekend has to have a capper and the capper of my weekend was this. As my 2 readers know, I am a proud heterosexual. My entire 64 years, I've done everything in my power to prove that or at least to practice it. With all of the people that I have "been" with, 100% of them have been women and 0% have been men. Got that? Sunday night, the weekend before a class reunion, that I will NOT be attending, I get a message from a man on Facebook and it only has 5 letters in the entire email message. It said, and I quote, "R U GAY". It didn't even have a question mark after it. The person that it was from, was not a friend on Facebook, but rather a guy that went to my high school back in Skokie, Illinois. I do not know him. I cannot even put a face with the guy, even then, back in 1964. To me he is anonymous. He wasn't a Friend or an enemy, just a guy that I didn't know. I went to his Facebook page and looked him up, but there were no pictures at all. He is an attorney in Illinois and has a practice with his son and mentions a divorce. All I can assume is that he is gay and is looking for a date when he's here in Phoenix for the reunion. Can you imagine being gay and having used up all of the gay men in Illinois and being so desperate that he's now contacting straight men 2000 miles away... Now that's DESPERATE!

Dating Report...

" Call Lerner and Rowe, It's the Place to go"

It's been awhile since I've posted anything, I've been scrambling things up in my life to create some exciting times. So far, nothing great to report. This morning I got a chain email from a woman that I went out with once last year, who was so stoned on pot, I was reluctant to let her out of my house without supervision. Evidently she made it home to wait 365 days and then send me a chain email about our federal government. DELETE!



Then there is an old woman of 70 that lied and created a personality that was allegedly 57. My keen eye and research abilities delivered the bad news to me in short form, of her lying soul. She continues to write to me asking forgiveness, blaming the people at Match.com who TOLD her to do it that way. Right, as if they actually talk to you instead of offering you a place to "CLICK"? Typically, nothing is her fault and she really looks like her photo if I still want to go out with her lying ass.



Here is my concern about "her". If she lied about being a full 13 years younger than her true age, is she really a woman? DELETE!



Next is a 51 year old woman that winked at me. The purpose of the "WINK" is to let a perspective gentleman know that a lady is interested in him. It's for the less than articulate, as this woman more than proved. We emailed back and forth, to and fro, up and back, depending upon which part of the country you're from. She was informative, but boring. Her profile on Match was sooo boring, I didn't bother finishing it, which turned out to be a mistake. In the second to the last line of her profile, and I'm talking about waaaay at the bottom of the page, it said that since she only looks 51, she used that age, but she's really 61. Kiss my truthful ass again! Before reading her true age, I had already spoken with her on the telephone and I found that conversation, horribly painful. She was one of those women that doesn't take her turn in a conversation and just leaves dead air when it's her turn to comment. After 35 grueling minutes, I told her I'd plan a date for us. Then I read her true age and DELETE!



As a boy, I liked to fish. I'd put my line in the water and troll for a fish. Trolling is to just leave your line in the water and slowly move your boat forward and pretty soon, if you're lucky, fish will follow your bate. Well, that's what I do on "Plenty of Fish" dating site. I just go online and pretty soon women in the 65 to 75 age group follow my bait and write me emails that are usually about 4 words long. Like, "I like your humor"! Usually these women are between 65 and 75 and overweight and leaning on a truck. How attractive! Posing is an important part of taking a picture. Some women decide that laying on the ground looks enticing to a man. All we really see is an accident victim. I referred one woman to "Lerner and Rowe", as the place to go!



I did have a drink date with Linda, who lives in my old neighborhood. She's a PHD and currently in Washington DC, giving a seminar for heads of the research departments at various colleges across the country, that do cancer research. She'll be back on the 12th of April and we're supposed to get together again then. She's REALLY 57, I made her show ID's. Linda's 5' 6" and 125 LBS and runs for exercise. I'll keep you posted...