Saturday, April 17, 2010

One Slipped through the Crack...

I got busy for some reason last week and completely forgot to tell you this story about online love. While reading and otherwise just minding my own business, my new Blackberry went off and notified me of new mail. Upon investigation, I found it was a message from a 51 year old woman, whose screen name was MyFairLady. I read her rather short email and decided to respond. We exchanged emails and one of the questions I had for her, was what did she do to occupy her time. She claimed to be semi-retired. Her reply was one of those that you wouldn't want to ask too many questions about through emailing, so I waited until we spoke on the phone, what I like to call, "second base". Her email said she was promoting Zero Point Life Force Energy. I thought, "Oh that"! Completely out of the circle, I had no idea what the hell that was, but I gave her my phone number to call me at her convenience. Her name was Claryse.

When she called, she said this was Claryse from Match calling. I said it was a pretty name and she replied, "Oh, it's something I just thought of one day". I told her I was referring to her name Claryse and she said she thought I'd meant MyFairLady... At this point I knew this was going to be a LONG conversation, for me anyway. Naturally, I was struggling for topics with this slow thinking lady, so I inquired as to what Zero Force Life Force Energy was, big mistake.

She heard about this amazing break through from her insurance man (because the automobile insurance industry is how they promote this medical miracle, right?) This discovery addresses life form at it's original source, the atom. When you put this miracle discovery next to, for example, a sour apple, the apple turns sweet. If you put it next to arthritis, the pain goes away and if you subject this amazing miracle of life to cancer, it cures that too. Hallelujah, let the healing begin, I thought! I humored her and asked a few questions. It's sold for $300 in the form of a pen and all you have to do is point the pen at the ailment and viola!

After a 30 minute labored talk, I hung up and went to the Internet for answers. I needed to research the Zero Point Life Force Energy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny!

I went back to this woman's profile on the dating service. I'd thought I'd read it once and found her to be believable. But I realized when I reread it, it was so long that I just never finished it. Particularly the last sentence that read, "So if I only look 51, why should I list my chronological age of 63? Shit, they got me again!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your writing is getting more entertaining by the day. When I read your blogspots I literally laugh out loud. You need to be writing a syndicated article about your dating experiences cause they are hilarious! Honestly, I'm still laughing about the shaved scrotum comparison of a few weeks ago. Oh Mel. Deb A.