Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Clearing the Playing Field

I felt it was only fair to tell you what happened to the remaining dating candidates. When we left off there were 4 of the 5 still remaining, having lost a hyena to a laughing spell that concluded with Sally wanting to know what I was looking for after a single phone conversation. That left the playing field with 4.

So Terry, the one who went to Chicago to visit her dying mother and couldn't speak with me on the phone because she's afraid to drive and talk, lied. She told me she was going to Grand Rapids, Michigan where her mother laid dying in an email, but left me a voicemail and said it was Chicago and spent the entire weekend searching for love on Match.com. It's kind of like having your mother call the school and tell the teacher that you're home sick with the flu and then you go to the ball field and play baseball all day and your teacher sees you on the way home from school. It's a no no... Today is Tuesday and I still haven't heard from Terry. Terry was not too attractive, but wrote me a heartfelt email including how her husband had died and left her and she was all alone in Arizona and didn't know anyone and she was only 48. I won't miss Terry, since I never even spoke to her, except for her to tell me about her poor Mom.

Then there was Karyn with the "Y". Karyn wrote to me at about 1 AM one night and said something to get my attention, like............Hi. It doesn't really take much to get my attention at 1 AM. We wrote back and forth for about an hour and I went to sleep. Here's what worried me about Karyn with a Y. She had a blurry picture online and it had been online for as long as I have been single, which is 8 years now. Same picture. She claimed to be 59 but you never really know their true ages, as it turns out. She didn't really display anything that resembled a personality, something I seem to need. She didn't answer the phone, when I called on Friday night and when you're calling a cell phone, it's not like the recipient isn't home, it's a cell phone for God's sake and it's with you. She never called back on Saturday or emailed to say she received my cute message, just silence. Then, Sunday afternoon, I'd already been on one coffee date with Olive and was just relaxing after scheduling another date with another Karen, this one sans the Y.

Karyn rang in and I answered, hello. (Clever huh?) The caller, Karyn, (I had already entered her in my phone book) said hi, this is Karyn, how are you? You know, a person's first impression is without room for error. She used the voice of "Granny", from the Beverly Hillbillies, to do her talking. She suffered from "OLD LADY VOICE! This is something that cannot be corrected through surgery. All of the voice training in the world will not change that voice to something more acceptable. Now don't misunderstand me, that voice is perfect for a 3 year old child to hear, coming from a rather mature lady, it's called "Grandma" and is as well received as apple pie, but to this 64 year old single man, it's just not going to work!

We then entered into a little question and answer session. I asked her how long she was married and she said, not very long, she got divorced in 1980. I relied with, so did I. I got divorced in 1980, 1991 and 2002. Long silence..... I said yes, I'm what you might call "a professional". Longer silence...... Then she said she would have called sooner, but a friend's husband had a heart attack and she was worried about him all weekend. That's when I said, oh, I've had a heart attack too and they really slow you down... Longer silence yet........ She asked me what I did between marriages, innocently enough. I replied that I was in prison for a very long time during one break. This turned out to be the longest silence of them all. she said she had to do a little shopping and she'd have to call me back.. I said good-bye. Humph, she still hasn't called back, lol....

I got an email from Olive. She wanted to know if I'd like to join her at the James Taylor, Carole King concert on Wednesday. Before I answered, I wanted to check out the concert and how much the tickets would be. It's been many years since I've gone to a concert and didn't have a clue. And although I like James Taylor, to listen to on my CD, I don't think of him as a person that I'd want to go to see. Carole King...............Eh. I hit the Internet and found that the lowest priced ticket was $119. and they were probably sold out, but they had suites available for $3600. WTF? Olive offered to go Dutch treat, but still. That's a lot of money to see someone that I've already heard and hasn't made a new record since the Nixon days. And wasn't Carole King the lady that you listened to, waiting for the song to be over?

I told Olive I'd love to spend Wednesday night with her but if I spend $150, I want to be fed! She laughed and guess what she said. Gee, nobody wants to go! I got the distinct feeling that I was NOT the first gentleman she asked!

I went from a group of 5 to a mere 2. One in Glendale and another that wants to see concerts, oy vay!


Anonymous said...

Good Lord, have you thought of letting someone else fix you up? Your picker is broken! How do you end up with such losers? NMS

Jules said...

It's not his picker but his standards that need adjusting.