Monday, June 28, 2010

No, I was Married to a Jockey!

You tend to meet a variety of people when using the Internet to find a mate. I find that there are also a variety of intellects. Some women are so smart and so above me that I use both hands while discussing world events with them, but by the same token, some are not too bright. It is a duller bulb on the tree, that I talk about now.

The title line of this post sounds to me like a punch line from a good joke. "No, I was married to a jockey!" I was cruising the dating site yesterday when I came across a screen name "Old woman58". I had to laugh because that was a pet name for one of my former girlfriends and she returned it to me by calling me, "Old Man". Pretty endearing, huh? I decide to read her rather below average profile, but a couple of things catch me eye. I already mentioned her screen name, but then she goes ahead and talks about how she doesn't like drama, similar to about 4034 other profiles and mentions she drives an 88 Trooper and if that bothers you, tough! I decide that this woman is either really quick or really dumb. I send her an email saying just what I told you, but left out the dumb part. About an hour later, I get her reply. She's, by this time read my profile, which is pretty funny on this website and replies that she's afraid to write anything to me that may be "incorrect" (because I mention that I have a respect for proper grammar and punctuation) After her use of the word "incorrect" she writes, (is that a word) should have been my first warning, right?

In her first and really only email, she asks for my phone number and I comply. It's Sunday afternoon and I'm bored. She calls about 5 minutes later and let the confusion commence. How many times have I been married, she asks. Just the 3 times you're supposed to get married, I reply. This confuses her. I explain. The first one is your factory marriage that should come with a warranty, but doesn't. Then you have your rebound marriage, that never works for anyone and last, your perfect marriage that is supposed to last forever! She asks what happened to the last marriage that is supposed to last forever? I told her the marriage was perfect, but the people messed it up. She was good with that.

She explained that she had only been married once, but he gave her 7 kids and those 7 were all born in different places because they moved around a lot. I asked if her husband was in the Military and she said, (here it comes) "No, I was married to a jockey"! I burst out laughing and couldn't control myself. She kept asking, what's wrong? She went ahead and told me the story of her 88 Trooper and how she got fired from Fry's, where she was a cashier for, bopping when she should have "beeped". She said she had to hang up because she was cooking broccoli for a special broccoli diet she's going on and I said goodbye. I kept laughing every time I imagined how her house must smell and wondered how tall her ex-husband was. Back to the drawing board.

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