Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth...

After reconsidering removing myself from the dating chronicles, I've decided to just revamp all of the dating criteria. It would be a useless effort to make the vast numbers of expecting suitors stop lying about their appearance and past history, including and primarily addressing age. On the rare occasions that I find a truthful dater in regards to their age, as in the case of poor Robin from my previous story, they use a picture that is antiquated to the point of disintegration. Could it be that old Snaggle Tooth REALLY thought she still looked like that or was she being deceptive and was just hoping I'd show up with the aid of my seeing eye dog?

I'm considering offering a new dating application to potential daters in the over 50 age group. First to address their pictures. They will be offered a choice of pictures to enter their own likeness to. They will be: A. What you'd like your match to THINK you look like. B. Your actual picture of what you TRULY look like currently. or C. What you looked like when you looked GOOD! The similar selection should be available for the liars. A. You actual age, B. The age you'd like someone to THINK you are, or C. The age you looked GOOD at!

Here are the results of a couple of women that I've done my "due diligence" upon. First there is a woman that I've been writing back and forth with that keeps rather late hours. Her email usually arrives near midnight and scares the shit out of me, as I lay in my bed reading with my trusty Blackberry next to me. Her profile says she's an Entrepreneur and is from my home town of Chicago and resided in some pretty prestigious addresses on Lake Shore Drive. She's also in the medical field and has owned several rather large businesses. When I spoke with her, I found that she was absolutely charming and in spite of me calling her a witch doctor on several occasions, she fared pretty well. When I asked her rather bluntly what her actual age was, there was an uncomfortable pause. She began with that she did not prepare her own profile, but rather someone else did it for her and put 57 down as her age and although she's tried, she cannot change it. I know this to be true on her particular website. Once you put down your age, they do not allow it to be altered. I kind of like that, but what if you wanted to lie, then changed your mind? You're stuck with the lie unless you re-admit your entire application, which is what I had to do in the very beginning. When I first joined, I thought it wise to say I was 5 years younger, but didn't like the way lying felt, so I removed the entire profile and started over with only the truth.

Again I repeated to Madam X, what is your real age??? Very softly, almost indistinguishable was her reply of...................62 :-( Well, there's five years she'd thought were gone for good! In view of her correcting the injustice of the person that created her profile, and usually they claim it's a daughter or close friend, she regained her uniqueness because she did tell the truth when asked straight up! Her true punishment is that I'm going to continue to communicate with her, at least until we meet.

Next is a nice lady that found me on Match. She showed an interest so I "winked" at her and she "winked" back. Cool, huh? At some point we began emailing and I offered her my phone number. I proceeded to prepare breakfast. Suddenly, my phone rang, about 5 minutes after emailing and I didn't recognize the phone number. Since I was dodging a call from the dreaded Robin, I didn't answer and waited for the message. SAFE, it was Joline. It turned out Joline was the lady from Match, that was on holiday in Las Vegas, but thought my email was funny enough to call from Vegas...

After breakfast, 2 eggs, 2 sausage and 2 pieces of toast, I returned her call and we chatted for about 20 minutes. Now Joline was supposed to be 60 and I'm not even going to comment on why she chose 60 when 59 sounds so much younger! She was very pleasant and I called again last night, but got her voicemail and with her voicemail, it also gave her last name, which I Googled and it turns out that Joline is a very successful businesswoman that owns a rather large employment firm that does placements for a lot of valley big businesses. It also listed her age as 62, sadly :-(

What's a guy that hates liars gonna do?


Jules said...

I confess!! I'm really 35. Sorry for lying to you.

Anonymous said...

The real "truth" is, you can't remember 35!