The Stress Test...

My stress test is scheduled for 7 AM tomorrow morning, the reason for the name, STRESS TEST is apparent. For me to be there on time, I'm going to have to awaken somewhere around 5 AM and hope for the best. My past history on such matters requires me to awaken at about 2 or 3 AM and wait, so as to not be late for my 5 AM wake up alarm clock to blow it's fricking head off. I am the worst person in captivity to awaken at a prescribed time. For my entire career, all I did was go to sleep and my internal clock did the rest. I was always up on time, period! Since this retirement, my internal clock retired too and the rest is chaos.

Some woman named Ezmeralda called from the "Cardiac Club" to confirm my appointment for tomorrow and before we hung up, I said, Ezmeralda, can I ask you a question? She said sure. I asked, what time does your job start in the morning? She said she has to be there at 7. Ah hah, I replied. So, how is the traffic between 6:30 and 7 AM in the morning on your way in? Horrible, was her answer. I told her where I live and asked if 1 hour would be enough time to make this 20 minute ride? She said to leave a little earlier, just in case. Shit! Again, this is why they call it a STRESS TEST.

Rule number 1. When the lady from our organization, (in this case it was Ezmeralda) calls, ask her which of your medications is a "beta blocker" and be sure to eliminate it for 24 hours prior to your STRESS TEST. This is of paramount importance!!! Well, by the time that I read that, Ezmeralda was home cooking dinner for her 5 girls and 3 boys! How was I to know which of my medications was the Beta Blocker. THE INTERNET, that's how! I plugged in beta blocker and it listed all of the meds that are beta blockers, that easily. Right there on the list was one of my blood pressure meds and I eliminated it and I'm ready for my STRESS TEST!

Okay, and this only caused me more STRESS. To do the STRESS TEST, you have to get your heartbeat up around 140 beats per minutes. With my beta blocker, I've been achieving approximately 55 beats per minute. So, I'm picturing me running on the treadmill and I'm picturing myself falling onto the tread and being spit off the back and out the 3rd story window. More STRESS, see....

I can tell you right now that the STRESS TEST needs some fine tuning. A mutiny is what is called for to create some reform. You may be able to read about it in your papers tomorrow, "Scottsdale Man Organizes Waiting Room, at Noted Cardiac STRESS TEST Facility".

Mel

1/07/08