It's a Sunday morning, one of my favorite times of the week. I don't really know why. When I was married, my wife would go to church with her Catholic family and I'd have this time to myself, to do with as I saw fit. No discussions, this was my time. As I sit here listening to the Acoustic storm on the radio, I reflect on certain things that were happening in my life when Bob Seeger was popular in the late 70's and early 80's.
Next my mind wandered off to what I had done yesterday. My day was fairly full of errands and obligations, a haircut and some work around the house. I went to the local feed store to get MSM for my poor ailing pup. then a call to Ernie, my barber who told me something I never expected to hear. He said, come right over, I'll squeeze you in.. Ernie is the same barber that has been cutting my hair for 30 years and when I was in the hospital after open heart emergency surgery, I called Ernie and asked if he could come up to the hospital at his convenience and just clean me up. I was 3 weeks without a shave and the hair in my ears was growing out over my face. Ernie told me to just wait until I'm feeling better and can climb the 23 stairs up to his studio. Afterwards, he claimed he never heard me say I was there for open heart surgery or he would have come............Sure!
So, I made it to Ernie's place in no time flat and listened to him lie to other customers about why he's running late. Usually I'm the guy that he's lying to, but this time was my turn.... From there I went to Home Depot to get some 4 foot fluorescent tubes for the kitchen and the outside patio. When I send the dogs out there, I can't find them, it's so dark with the absence of lighting. That's when I saw him!
I had just parked my car in the parking lot of this retail giant and was marveling that I think I might have gotten the best parking place in the entire lot and how lucky I was to get it. If that parking lot were completely empty, that's the spot I would have chosen, enough though. I got out of my car, locked the doors with my remote, that I love and was about 5 steps into my walk to the door, when I looked up and saw this thing walking out of Home Depot. Was it man or beast? I've never deluded myself into thinking that I was anything special to look at. Others have complimented me on my looks, but I always watch their face after, to see if I can detect the signs of lying. You know, the infamous twitching eye, or the falling to the floor in laughter? So this thing is walking towards me and the first thing I can think of to tell you is his size, he resembles a cartoon character. He's not much taller than he is wide. He's under 5 feet tall and is wearing a horizontally striped T-shirt, not a good look for his size. He's blond haired and sporting a goatee that is no less than 6 inches long on the tip of his chin, only. His hair is cut in a crew cut and his little fat arms don't move or sway when he walks. Neither do his feet, which to me is a phenomenon. He just kind of slid across the parking lot towards his transportation, which might have been a rocket ship!
Entering the Depot, my mind was no longer on bulbs, but a truly scary thought occurred to me. In the human species, we are the result of a sperm cell beating all of the other sperm cells to the egg to fertilize it. We are all the result of the most victorious best sperm that we have to offer. As a result, our offspring represents our very best work. Can you imagine what the losers on that poor fellow looked like? That's when the thought came to me. I'll bet that guy is on an Internet Dating Service!
The Dating Guy
7/06/08
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