She called me from my front door and asked how she can get into my house. I told her to ring the bell, that usually does it. That was my first date's way of telling me she had arrived at her destination, my house. By the time I made it out the garage, she was already there checking out my Corvette and me. She introduced herself as Joey, my short, fat, broad shouldered, breast reduced date. I said, hi and we didn't really progress from there. I kind of liked some of the things Joey had to say about life, but she was a staunch Republican that thought in her tunnel vision world that things were just fine. We discussed politics for a short time, but I felt my blood pressure rising and decided to bring her into the house for the Dynamic Duo to cover in Dane spit. We discussed briefly what to wear and shorts were the answer, only she showed up in black spandex Capri pants and an evening top to match. I looked like I was on my way to a picnic and she was going to a cocktail party. Oh well.
After washing as much drool off of her as possible, she disclosed that her breast reduction looks good in her outfit and do I like the way her neck doesn't sag anymore. Me knowing full well that my personal gullet looked like that of a turkeys after napping in a rainstorm with his head straight up and mouth opened.
Joey drove a brand new 2008 Corvette, white with tan leather, a really pretty car. She lives in an apartment close to me and drives a car that has a $900 monthly payment and does drug research. I think she felt a little intimidated when she saw all of my cars laying around the house, particularly when I told her that the one parked on my back patio was paid for. We left for lunch. She decided to drive and tried her best to show off during driving, but she still drove like a chick. When we got to my favorite Chinese restaurant, we sat in the car while she told me of all the options she ordered on her car, in spite of the fact that I just spent the last 35 years in the car business. In my pocket, I had a little secret that I wasn't sure I wanted Joey to know about.
A few months ago, I purchased though the Internet some Viagra pills at a great price. The company hammered my credit card and then shipped the pills that came from China and it was explained that they were from Pfizer of China. I had a hard time believing they were real and have been contesting the charge with my credit card company, but so far no results. I took it upon myself to take the pills to my favorite Chinese restaurant to ask my old buddy, the owner if he read Chinese, seeing as he was Chinese and had the accent. He said, sure what you want me to read? Well, you never saw a Chinese guy dance around a topic so badly, once he realized what I told him they were supposed to be. Bottom line, he says they're vitamins and not to take more than one!
Well, of course Joey gave me 5 full minutes of how Viagra are bad for you and they have horrible side effects. Evidently, SHE never went around NEEDING vitamins!
When the check came, Joey insisted on paying it, asked me if I wanted to drive her Corvette home and I dropped me off in front of my house. That part was pretty good. All and all, I wasn't the least bit attracted to Joey, but I did have a pretty good time and got a free lunch and found out to toss my silly pills. Humph, pretty good date and I didn't even have to kiss her!
Dating Guy
7/13/08
After washing as much drool off of her as possible, she disclosed that her breast reduction looks good in her outfit and do I like the way her neck doesn't sag anymore. Me knowing full well that my personal gullet looked like that of a turkeys after napping in a rainstorm with his head straight up and mouth opened.
Joey drove a brand new 2008 Corvette, white with tan leather, a really pretty car. She lives in an apartment close to me and drives a car that has a $900 monthly payment and does drug research. I think she felt a little intimidated when she saw all of my cars laying around the house, particularly when I told her that the one parked on my back patio was paid for. We left for lunch. She decided to drive and tried her best to show off during driving, but she still drove like a chick. When we got to my favorite Chinese restaurant, we sat in the car while she told me of all the options she ordered on her car, in spite of the fact that I just spent the last 35 years in the car business. In my pocket, I had a little secret that I wasn't sure I wanted Joey to know about.
A few months ago, I purchased though the Internet some Viagra pills at a great price. The company hammered my credit card and then shipped the pills that came from China and it was explained that they were from Pfizer of China. I had a hard time believing they were real and have been contesting the charge with my credit card company, but so far no results. I took it upon myself to take the pills to my favorite Chinese restaurant to ask my old buddy, the owner if he read Chinese, seeing as he was Chinese and had the accent. He said, sure what you want me to read? Well, you never saw a Chinese guy dance around a topic so badly, once he realized what I told him they were supposed to be. Bottom line, he says they're vitamins and not to take more than one!
Well, of course Joey gave me 5 full minutes of how Viagra are bad for you and they have horrible side effects. Evidently, SHE never went around NEEDING vitamins!
When the check came, Joey insisted on paying it, asked me if I wanted to drive her Corvette home and I dropped me off in front of my house. That part was pretty good. All and all, I wasn't the least bit attracted to Joey, but I did have a pretty good time and got a free lunch and found out to toss my silly pills. Humph, pretty good date and I didn't even have to kiss her!
Dating Guy
7/13/08
1 comment:
You're so hilarious.
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