Sunday, June 7, 2009

My Saturday Night Date

Goodnight Kathi 58yrs.
I think it was 7:30 when I bit into my dinner, 2 slices of rye toast spread heavily with peanut butter, when the phone rang, naturally. The caller ID announced it was Kathi calling for her introductory phone call. I didn't answer it, but instead let the machine get it. Here is my theory. A man with a mouthful of peanut butter at room temperature and a drunk sound quite alike. I opted for a clear mouth before speaking with a lady and trying to make that first impression. Also, it gave me the opportunity to audit her voice for old lady qualities. No one has ever decided at what moment a woman's voice raises itself to that grandmother pitch, but at some point it seems to happen. One day a woman has that fun loving youthful, I'll do anything for fun kind of voice,then without warning she goes to sleep and awakens sounding like your grandmother. Kathi not only sounded youthful, but she had a speakers voice and I was anxious to talk with her.

Talk we did for an amazing marathon 5 full hours. In addition to a couple of slices of peanut on rye, I was in the middle of a half watched episode of "Cops", (Bad Boy, Bad Boy, Get on the ground) my long time Saturday night friend. After Cops and a long drink of cold water to clear my palate, I dialed her number, having already been advised she was going to be home all night.

I learned a lot from Kathi. First, she had just published a book and second was that you NEVER ask a recent new author what her book was about. I think the answer filled the first full hour, while I watched 48 Hour Mystery on channel 5. I also asked what a Life Coach was and that filled the second hour, as I watched the news. At 10:30, SNL came on and Kathi told me about her 3 marriages and that's when I jumped in to tell her of my 3. Several times I inquired as to whether or not she was still there listening and she assured me she was. I gave the floor back to Kathi as she told me of her breast cancer experience and 7 subsequent surgeries. I tried to tell her that I had a life altering surgery too and offered that I had been stabbed in the heart accidentally. I thought certainly that was the cliff hanger that would cause her to ask a little about me, but no. She was back to talking about herself. She's a very successful, wealthy woman that has never had children, but has raised the children of her 3 husbands, she owns houses in several states, but they're currently in foreclosure and she used to have a 778 credit score.

Kathi told me that she's recently revised her profile to include 5 exercise days a week until she gets this weight off (red flag) Somehow we discussed the freshness of her pictures and she volunteered that she cannot afford to have professionally done pictures too often and that her pictures are fairly recent, touched up to remove pores. I stopped her and asked if pores is another word for wrinkles? She laughed and said, no silly (Red flag 2). At some point I asked if the 7 cancer surgeries were for reconstruction and her response was that she was going to need a man that was deeper than most and she looks great in clothes. I took that as a no. Let me interject that this was not a deal breaker and if ever there was a man that understood what it is to awaken from a surgery alive and that if you can "date" is quite superfluous. You want to walk and don't worry if you can run. I'm that man for sure, but what I didn't like about Kathi was the fact that she was so involved in herself, it didn't really matter that I was even on the phone. She was enjoying the sound of her own voice. She never asked me anything about me. What I did for a living, how I got stabbed in my heart, if I had children, why I retired, where I lived, anything about my dogs.

At 1 AM I was still marvelling at her stamina to talk and out of nowhere I screamed out "KATHI"! There was finally a pause. I said I concede, I quit, you won, you out-talked me! I told her my phone has a minute counter and we have been talking (she had been talking) 300 minutes. I'll speak with her again, but for tonight I have to call it quits. Her reply was, "My, I didn't realize it was that late". I told her goodbye and we'd speak again. Frankly I'm not sure that's going to happen..................... Neeeext!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

For somebody who's got tons of women waiting to be called, you sure are slow meeting them, posting pics and then writing. You know we enjoy the dating escapades the most so get out there and date!!! NMS