Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Who'll Tell My Mom???

I've been reflecting on what to do with this subject for about 24 hours now and find no benefit to contacting the individual in question with any advice, as I know from my previous interaction with them, that it wouldn't be taken constructively. So instead, I've decided to vent to you kind people.

Probably because of my heritage, I'm always drawn to women of the Jewish faith. Not because I find them appealing, but somehow I picture my mother looking down on me from her position in heaven, shaking her head and saying, "that's a good boy"! So when I come across a member of the tribe, I make every exception to just contact them and find out if they're the one. So far, I've had pretty BAD results and I think after yesterday's interaction, I'm ready to tell my mom, "no deal"!

Because off the poor report I have on this person, I'm not going to post her picture, mostly to avoid a potential law suit. The story went something like this.

I saw what was a cute face on the Internet about a week ago and ignored her initially. Seeing her again, I decided to send her a wink. A wink is just a notice to the recipient that I noticed her. It also creates a record of her on my personal page. I didn't get a reply to the wink, indicating she wasn't desperate (yet). A few more days passed and one day I found myself looking at her, although I must admit, her profile was long and I only skimmed it. To me it said a lot of blah, blah, blah. I find that by reading what a woman has to say sometimes, steers me away from her. It said her children were raised and she was now looking for someone for herself. Here's what I saw. A cute, short Jewish woman that was divorced with grown children. Nothing too controversial, right? It said she liked nice things and had expensive tastes. (I stopped reading) Way too boring and I can decide all of that for myself if we get that far. I sent her off a note saying that I thought she was cute and wanted to get to know her better. In closing, I mentioned that my 50th anniversary of my Bar Mitzvah was that past Saturday, 6/5. This was to let her know that we are of the same minority faith.

Two days later, I got a reply that said she looked at my profile and if I'm an Aries, how could my anniversary of my Bar Mitzvah be in June? I was impressed and told her so. Usually I'm the one that is suspicious of people and become the private investigator, lol.. We exchanged a couple of emails and things were going fine, so she offered me her private email address. I like to call that "1st Base".

Later, she said that my profile online didn't reveal very much about me and I should tell her about myself. At this point I feel that it's easier that I just cut and paste my email to her and her subsequent email back, that literally floored me. Read on:

Morning Mel..
So other than having just lost your 2 great danes, what can you tell me about you. Your profile doesn't give much information. What do or did you do? Kids? Grandkids? And do you really like to fish and hunt and do gardening? Not very typical of a Jewish boy from Chicago! Another wise observation.Cheryl
my e-mail is XXXXXXXXXXXX
Hi Cheryl:
I have an AOL account but haven't used it since discovering gmail. I found it to be far more advanced with standard emailing.
When you offer information about yourself on a venue such as Match, it's your opportunity to sell yourself and in doing such, I find it contrary to that concept to offer someone unknown to me, an option of finding something that might dissuade them from being attracted to me. It is for that reason I don't refer to my previous marriage history, my specific religion, my livelihood, or my inability to trust cats. Although some people might think that being a bank robber is attractive and exciting for a livelihood, others may be opposed to it because of the necessity to carry a gun. Do you follow my drift?
As for grandchildren, I have 6. Four that I'm directly responsible for and 2 step-grandchildren, as my younger son, Brad married a woman 10 years his senior that was divorced and had 2 children already. Those two are 21 and 23, yikes! Brad is my younger son of 2 and his older brother Stuart, will be 40 in Dec. Brad is 36. They both live out of state, Illinois and CA.
As for hunting and fishing and gardening, yes and no. I used to love to go fishing with my younger son, Brad. He was an avid fisherman and although I remember going with my father back in the dark ages, it was only at a local lagoon in the Chicago city park and we were 3 minutes from the inner city and home.
In the 1980's I owned a bar and restaurant in Sedona and the locals wanted me to go rabbit hunting with them one Saturday. One of the guys, I think it was Bubba, shot a little bunny and I found it so horrifying, I made an excuse to end my hunting expedition on the spot.
My gardening exploits include managing my own landscaping here at the "compound" (house). I spent a ton on landscaping when I first bought this house and my goal was to make it maintenance-free, I have 25,000 LB of boulders and 30 palms, bent palm trees and NO GRASS!
You seem to be questioning a lot of the things in my profile. Understand that if there is an error, it is merely that. The kind of person I am is one that is without anything to be ashamed of. I'm honest and what I don't want the public to know, is available to people that want to get to know me, no hidden secrets. No agenda. I'm usually the one to be suspicious, lol..
Blood type AB+
Credit score 825
Size 11 shoe
Has had all shots and vasectomy!

This was the shocking reply:

Hi Mel:
Its not that I'm suspicious its just that I'm on match to find a serious relationship and I don't like to waste my time meeting someone that I don't feel is for me. I've done that before and at this point in my life I'd rather watch TV than have dinner with "mister wrong". I have a successful career, very nice home, and expensive taste. Some men can be intimidated by it while others like making themselves right at home. I'm not looking for either of these types, so I prefer to qualify them first. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. Cheryl. A positive
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I've decided not to respond, but to just let her fade away, thinking whatever she thinks as a result. What I'd like to say to her is this and it's true.

Dear Cheryl:

I finally read your profile and it seemed like an advertisement for a gigolo. It talks of your wealth and how you have expensive taste and that you're only looking for a man that financially secure.

You sell real estate for God's sake! Get over yourself. I usually consider a real estate sales person as someone that needing a little help. Few are successful enough to weather the storms.

As a person gets older, I find that it's harder and harder to find a mate of ANY financial success, let alone someone within your criteria. I'd be happy to find someone with a pulse, let alone qualifying.

In closing I feel like I'd be remiss on an important point and that is how you've taken the Jewish religion and pushed it back to a time when dinosaurs walked the Earth. Nice job! You've done me a service. My search for a good Jewish divorced or widowed woman is over. Someone had better notify my Mom!


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