New Year's Day (morning)

When I woke up this morning, it was an entirely different year! Who knew? I suspected something was up with all of the talk about the holidays, but that's pretty general. Along with it being a new year, I was bombarded with emails from total strangers on dating services. Unfortunately, the average age was a gazillion. When I say bombarded, I'm talking about 4 emails. But that's a lot for a lonely old man who spends a lot of time just looking out the window these days. 

One email was from a woman that claimed to be 70 and her email literally cracked me up. I don't think it meant to be funny, but it was so genuine, it had to be legit. First, before going any further, I take Ambien occasionally for trouble sleeping and when I do, I write insanely personal emails to total strangers. The first thing I did was check to see it she had been one of my victims, as indicated by her first line. I hadn't written to her, whew!  I'll copy it onto this posting for your laughing pleasure:

Okay. that's gonna take some effort to respond to. I might be too fat for you, but I'll take the risk. I love long intense conversations, but all the men I've met just want to get in the bed. So if you would like to talk and maybe get in the bed sometime down the line after we are well acquainted, let me know.

The author was not what you would call attractive, but she certainly wasn't fat either. The email arrived while I was still in bed and my bedside phone vibrated indicating a message from a dating app. With blurry vision, I read the email and the first thing that came to mind was my reply and that made me laugh out loud, all alone in bed. Although I didn't reply to her, here is my imaginary reply:

How long would we have to talk?