Today started out like any other day here in beautiful Scottsdale, AZ. We were delighted to have a rather breezy, clement day, a break from our triple digits. It must have been declared Palm Tree season by our visitors from the South. I've been bombarded with anxious Hispanics ringing my bell, dropping a card and leaving. Many can't speak any English and are hoping their interpreter is home when the calls start coming in. I make it a practice to ignore most of my front door guests, as I've learned long ago, that people ringing my front door bell seldom have anything I want. Another reason is, I seldom wear a shirt around the house in the summertime and it seems rude to answer the door half naked. The biggest reason is the Dynamic Duo. That doorbell rings and there is a sudden rush to the front door by 400 LB of Great Danes and everyone coming to visit aren't necessarily ready to meet them. Most going backing down the 4 front steps tripping and mumbling something about their mother calling them, making a quick clumsy exit.
Today I was in the mood to teach an illegal a lesson and just opened the door and let them out saying, yes, can I help you? Do they bite? That's what I usually hear in a heavy Spanish accent. My reply is, "only when they're hungry". Then I mention it's their dinner time. Anyhow, this dark skinned gentleman managed to get out the words Palm Tree in his sentence and I told him yes, I'll pay $25 a tree and there are 9 of them. With a combination of Spanish, English and sign language, he told me to wait, he needs to ask his boss. He then returned for the details again, I must have confused him. With his third return, he told me they would do it. Two more men jumped out of the truck and it seems I've made myself a deal.
Right around that time, my guy became the social director of the operation and told me his name is Vinnie and asked mine. I told him Mel and he said, like the actor, Mel Gibson? It seemed that Vinnie's English was better than I thought and playing the dumb Mexican must work for him. While the working end of the operation dressed in spikes and other climbing apparatus, Vinnie and I bonded. My first question was, are you Italian Vinnie? Yes, was the answer to that, although it turned out that his great, great grandfather was from Italy and settled in Honduras where he met his wife and raised a family. The other two workers were Guatemalan and everyone knew of Sheriff Arpiao. His name would be heard in the middle of a sentence in Spanish and then laughter would ensue. I guess some people are a universal joke.
The Dynamic Duo got a lot of attention and then I thought it wise to put them in the house where it was cooler. First Vinnie asked me for some 2 stroke oil for the chain saws. I referred him to Home Depot, just 1/2 mile away. The little guy went. I forgot to tell you about the little guy. He was the boss. He hopped out of the truck and couldn't have stood 4 1/2 feet tall. He had jet black hair and lots of it. He turned out to be 63. He walked up that tree as if there were no gravity. I was amazed. My trees are 40 to 50 feet tall and he never got tired. He was the only climber. My buddy Vinnie and another guy did the ground work while shorty resembled a 10 year old boy with his gusto. Shorty went to the store for the oil while the helpers took a break. When the boss got back, there was another truck following him. It seems while Shorty was 50 feet up in the air on a really windy day, he took a telephone break and called his girlfriend, a woman that more than tripled Shorty's stats for weight.
Let me describe my gardener's truck. It was a Chevrolet, mostly. It said Chevy on the red front half, but the bed was a white Dodge with a lot of homemade devices welded onto it. Behind it, he towed a bed from a Ford, just the bed. Shorty's girlfriend drove a brand spanking new Toyota 4 door, Tundra. Out of the Tundra climbed out about 1200 LB of women. All about 40 years old, all really, really fat. Some spoke a little English but most didn't. I was beyond trying to figure out the relationship, but suddenly I had about 6 women working to finish my job. Everyone was working. they were quick, efficient, and clean. No one lit a cigarette and they had their own drinks. If they needed a bathroom, I never knew about it. These people were GOOD!
At one point I called Vinnie over and told him, whatever they do, DO NOT get any loose fronds on the Creepy Neighbor's side, on my B side because that guy's an asshole. Suddenly Vinnie switched to English and yells to his amigos, "Don't get any leaves on the neighbor's yard, he's an ASSHOLE!" So much for keeping secrets...
Not to try to second guess anyone, but I got the feeling the girls were a house cleaning crew that had just finished a job and they just happened to be in the neighborhood, but Bogie was in Seventh Heaven with them all making a big deal about him. Yep, my Babyboy likes the women. The bigger the better for Bogie....
In addition to the job they were there to do, they also removed an old tree stump that had been bothering me. They did it for free and did it within 2 minutes. That was the same tree stump that my ex-girlfriend Julie wanted to trade me a brand new treadmill for, straight across. If I gave her the treadmill, she would ask her son-in-law to remove the tree stump, some deal, huh? Then, it turned out that I have 10 Mexican Palms, not 9, like I said. No one seemed to count them besides me and since I last counted them, one more grew out of my reach.. They never mentioned it, so I decided with the good job they did and as fast as they were and didn't argue about anything, even Vinnie, that I'd just give them $300. Vinnie grabbed the money and put it into his pocket and immediately Shorty came over and started getting upset in Spanish. I'd bet anything that Shorty wanted the money and Vinnie is going to give it to him, but only $225. I yelled, "come back next year" and went into the house....
Today I was in the mood to teach an illegal a lesson and just opened the door and let them out saying, yes, can I help you? Do they bite? That's what I usually hear in a heavy Spanish accent. My reply is, "only when they're hungry". Then I mention it's their dinner time. Anyhow, this dark skinned gentleman managed to get out the words Palm Tree in his sentence and I told him yes, I'll pay $25 a tree and there are 9 of them. With a combination of Spanish, English and sign language, he told me to wait, he needs to ask his boss. He then returned for the details again, I must have confused him. With his third return, he told me they would do it. Two more men jumped out of the truck and it seems I've made myself a deal.
Right around that time, my guy became the social director of the operation and told me his name is Vinnie and asked mine. I told him Mel and he said, like the actor, Mel Gibson? It seemed that Vinnie's English was better than I thought and playing the dumb Mexican must work for him. While the working end of the operation dressed in spikes and other climbing apparatus, Vinnie and I bonded. My first question was, are you Italian Vinnie? Yes, was the answer to that, although it turned out that his great, great grandfather was from Italy and settled in Honduras where he met his wife and raised a family. The other two workers were Guatemalan and everyone knew of Sheriff Arpiao. His name would be heard in the middle of a sentence in Spanish and then laughter would ensue. I guess some people are a universal joke.
The Dynamic Duo got a lot of attention and then I thought it wise to put them in the house where it was cooler. First Vinnie asked me for some 2 stroke oil for the chain saws. I referred him to Home Depot, just 1/2 mile away. The little guy went. I forgot to tell you about the little guy. He was the boss. He hopped out of the truck and couldn't have stood 4 1/2 feet tall. He had jet black hair and lots of it. He turned out to be 63. He walked up that tree as if there were no gravity. I was amazed. My trees are 40 to 50 feet tall and he never got tired. He was the only climber. My buddy Vinnie and another guy did the ground work while shorty resembled a 10 year old boy with his gusto. Shorty went to the store for the oil while the helpers took a break. When the boss got back, there was another truck following him. It seems while Shorty was 50 feet up in the air on a really windy day, he took a telephone break and called his girlfriend, a woman that more than tripled Shorty's stats for weight.
Let me describe my gardener's truck. It was a Chevrolet, mostly. It said Chevy on the red front half, but the bed was a white Dodge with a lot of homemade devices welded onto it. Behind it, he towed a bed from a Ford, just the bed. Shorty's girlfriend drove a brand spanking new Toyota 4 door, Tundra. Out of the Tundra climbed out about 1200 LB of women. All about 40 years old, all really, really fat. Some spoke a little English but most didn't. I was beyond trying to figure out the relationship, but suddenly I had about 6 women working to finish my job. Everyone was working. they were quick, efficient, and clean. No one lit a cigarette and they had their own drinks. If they needed a bathroom, I never knew about it. These people were GOOD!
At one point I called Vinnie over and told him, whatever they do, DO NOT get any loose fronds on the Creepy Neighbor's side, on my B side because that guy's an asshole. Suddenly Vinnie switched to English and yells to his amigos, "Don't get any leaves on the neighbor's yard, he's an ASSHOLE!" So much for keeping secrets...
Not to try to second guess anyone, but I got the feeling the girls were a house cleaning crew that had just finished a job and they just happened to be in the neighborhood, but Bogie was in Seventh Heaven with them all making a big deal about him. Yep, my Babyboy likes the women. The bigger the better for Bogie....
In addition to the job they were there to do, they also removed an old tree stump that had been bothering me. They did it for free and did it within 2 minutes. That was the same tree stump that my ex-girlfriend Julie wanted to trade me a brand new treadmill for, straight across. If I gave her the treadmill, she would ask her son-in-law to remove the tree stump, some deal, huh? Then, it turned out that I have 10 Mexican Palms, not 9, like I said. No one seemed to count them besides me and since I last counted them, one more grew out of my reach.. They never mentioned it, so I decided with the good job they did and as fast as they were and didn't argue about anything, even Vinnie, that I'd just give them $300. Vinnie grabbed the money and put it into his pocket and immediately Shorty came over and started getting upset in Spanish. I'd bet anything that Shorty wanted the money and Vinnie is going to give it to him, but only $225. I yelled, "come back next year" and went into the house....
Mel
6/04/08
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