Sunday, October 5, 2008

A Day with Zoo Animals...

Mean Mona stuck her head up and called me this morning.. She had been in an abusive relationship with a tuna fisherman, just back from the Alaskan coast where Sara Palin is a household name these days. This guy hooked her pretty good, then tossed her into his boat, so to speak and hauled her ass around to the Arizona border for canning. She escaped my disguising herself as a smelt and was literally thrown back.. She called me, remembering that I was the only guy that dated her that didn't whip her, although I must say, she really deserved it.

For whatever reason, she wanted to go to the Zoo, probably to visit her ex-in laws that she claimed were baboons.

So Mean Mona pulled up into my driveway and parked on top of my very delicate Oleander bushes that were just started to have their fall growing season. It will probably take years for them to grow back after the beating she gave them with her truck. She laughed, beeped twice and came rushing in to be mauled by the Dynamic Duo. By the time this reunion was complete, Mean Mona looked like a glazed donut after a good reglazing and the dogs were content to lick and Bogie tried to give her a little bite. Mean Mona didn't believe me when I warned her not to touch Bogie with her feet.

So, we were off to the Zoo to visit her relatives and of course I received driving lessons all of the way there. I forgot that I drive too "everything" when Mean Mona is around. Too close, too fast, too jerky, too slow, too erratic and too unpredictable, mostly. Mean Mona did surprise me when she insisted on paying, which is always a shock when I go to the Zoo. The Zoo is no cheap entertainment. It cost $16 for an adult and she got me in as a senior, over 60 for a cool $11. Mean Mona was hungry and our first stop was for a hot dog and lemonade for $10. I brought water from home, as I'm a cheap date.

We walked our feet off and were constantly in search of the elusive Bear display. While searching out the bear, we saw the elephants, monkeys, a horny old lizard and finally the baboons that Mean Mona held a dialogue with, that finally ended in name calling and the middle finger. I'll have to assume they were the ex-in laws. Until you're heard baboons screaming with French accents, you've not lived. Mean Mona was noticeably shaken after that encounter and she looked pretty tired from walking too. I thought she needed a good Pizza to round out her afternoon so we headed to the high rent district to be abused, insulted and shocked to see that the waitress that was clearly in her early 60s wearing low rise jeans and a granny panties under her crotch snapping top. There went our appetites, but after watching zoo animals all afternoon, our waitress just flat fit in..

All and all it was a delightful day and Mean Mona dropped me off, relieving my poor Oleanders from their atrocity. Frankly, Mean Mona did smell a little like tuna!

Tomorrow, I go back to the sweat shop.

Mel
10/5/08

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