Saturday, May 2, 2009

Dating Guy: Back into the Swing of Things...


I just spent 2 years, in a variety of roles, with a person I had no business being with. To say that that person was troubled, sums up what anyone would diagnose, but not having a degree in anything but auto sales, it makes it kind of hard to get more specific. I do know that the person took pride in putting me down on a regular basis, repeatedly telling me I was old, out of style, an antique, unhealthy and slow. Although a lot of her claims were sadly true, who needs to hear it drilled into their head? So when that lack of a normal relationship ended rather abruptly about 2 weeks ago, I rethought things and in a fit of passion, joined, again.. With my self esteem horrible damaged, I humbly wrote a meager profile and tried to be cheerful, full knowing that I wasn't worthy of adoration from the masses. Boy, was I ever WRONG? I was bombarded with responses, creating a plethora of women to choose from. I'm not a complicated man and require only a minimum of encouragement from the right person to be really content. Here are my requirement. A pulse, no just kidding. She has to be attractive to me, clever, quick-witted, if you will. Ambitious, and not overweight. Frankly, I'm not specific about a lot of those qualities, but a woman's mind is really her best physical attribute. A good mind really turns me on.

I met a lot of women in the last 2 weeks that fit my meager requirements. One was disqualified when we were having what appeared to be a marathon phone conversation, when I mentioned that I went out with one lady and she was of the Jewish faith. My marathon talker blurted out interrupting me, as she was accustomed to doing: Jewish, that was your first mistake! Taken aback, I added to that her interpretation of Scottsdale women, that they all had fake boobs, lips and nails. That she said on 2 occasions, indicating it was a habit! After speaking with Jane for 2 hours and 37 minutes, I checked, I knew we'd never meet.

Although quite a few women responded to my ad on Match, there were truly only 5 that I was interested in. One in particular was Jan, not her real name. After writing to and fro a couple of times, I offered my home phone number. She said she couldn't call any sooner than on her way home from work the following day. I had forgotten about her, when the phone rang at about 5:05 PM the following day. She giggled her hello, "Is this Dutch Ovens, (my screen name)." Laughing, I replied, "I guess so!" And things only could get better from there. Jan was clever, seemed to have a great come back for anything I said and was charming. I already knew from her picture that she was feminine, cultured, bright it turned out, and otherwise pleasing with a positive attitude. Here was the draw back that I saw. Jan was married for 21 years to a gentleman that she spoke well of, no hostility, but hadn't met a man that she could identify with in the last 10 years that she'd been single. she did mention one guy directly after her divorce, but it didn't last long. In other words, she's pretty picky and me with my damaged self esteem had a long ride going forward. Jan called me everyday, either on her way home from work or in the evening. One day when it was almost 8 PM, she called up asking if I were ever going to call her??? I just laughed saying I was just about to. It became a joke with us. At the end of our conversation, I finally popped the question, "Do you want to meet me?" She said yes, I knew she would and we made a date to go out for dinner on Friday, last night.

Now Jan lives in a small town, really an area known as El Mirage, where she owns her own home, but is wanting to sell it to be closer to her 26 year old daughter that is with child and delivering soon. By the way, Jan just turned 51 in Feb. The good news is, I met her after Christmas, her birthday and even Easter for gifts, but sadly Mother's Day is just around the corner, but I digress. I needed to think of a restaurant that is between our two homes and for whatever reason, Tutti Santi's on the West side came to mind. I dialed for reservations. I gave the name Dutch Ovens and the youthful receptionist didn't think it unusual, whew!

I don't think I had been as nervous going on a date since I was 16 and had a pimple on my nose. I was worried that I was going to be too old for her, from my damaged self esteem. I talked to Paul my mechanic about my date and he suggested putting alcohol on my face to shrink the wrinklage. I agreed, remembering how alcohol was when you didn't drink it. All I got was a dry looking wrinkled face that burned like crazy. That's what happens when you get your beauty tips from your mechanic. Suddenly slamming my hand into my forehead, Crest White Strips! I forgot to whiten my teeth, running to the medicine cabinet where I kept the leftover strips from the last time I dated. As if one treatment wasn't going to help, it wasn't going to hurt. Suddenly I pictured my mother, up in heaven, laughing at me and relaxed. If it was meant to be, then it would be. I wore my low cut jeans that I always worry that my butt would stick out of and a dress shirt left out to cover any indiscretion that my fat belly offered. I looked in the mirror one last time and headed out...

I arrived at 7:25, five minutes early. I parked and walked to the restaurant to see if Jan had arrived early, but as I was walking back to my car to find a better parking place, Jan called to say she was about 10 minutes late. We chatted for a couple of minutes and hung up. I sat in my car and waited for her. Again my phone rang and she was having a hard time finding the place, I knew she would, it's well hidden. Finally, I told her to look for a big white Expedition with a lunatic waving behind it, that worked! Jan pulled up and she was out of a dream and a good dream. She was pleasant, perky, punctual, pleasing and if you can think of any other adjectives that start with P, let me know.

We hugged a hello and Jan looked up at me and said, you're very handsome! Bingo, I hit a homer. That one sentence took all of the pressure off of me and the night was wonderful. Although Jan was a little tired from working all day with little sleep the night before, out dinner date that started at 7:30 lasted until 10:30 and neither of us really wanted to leave. I walked Jan to her car and she encouraged a long passionate kiss goodnight and said she'd like to do this again. WOW, so would I!!!

When we both got home respectively, out emails must have passed one another in the cyberworld, saying how we both had a great time and would like to see more of one another. WOW, I was ready for a break....

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