Monday, January 3, 2011

Pictures, 1/3 OFF...

To the average person, a title that read "PICTURES 1/3 OFF" would indicate a sale on art work, but not here in the world of online dating. One of the funniest things in the world, is for a thin person to explain to a fat person how to lose weight. Sure, I'm a little angry, but nothing I won't get over. The story played out something like this... Before moving along here, I might point out that the error was made by me.

About 2 months ago, I met a perfectly charming lady online that was 52 years old, blond haired with ice blue eyes. She was from Australia and has been here in this country for 9 years. She also possessed a cute accent from down under, a definite plus. After making email contact, she just faded away, indicating to me that she had met someone that was occupying her time. Hey, this just happens. In my dialogue with her, I initially asked if my age of 64 was going to be a problem and she assured me, no. She gave me her phone number and about 8 hours later, I called and got voicemail. I left a civil message and waited for her to return my call. Later I texted her that I stay up late and not to worry if it got too late. Still, no reply.. So I forgot about her. I'd see her online from time to time, but again, that just happens. New Year's Day, I saw her online on a different venue and sent her a New Year greeting and asked whatever happened to her a couple of months ago? Her reply came yesterday on the Jan. 2nd and it explained that she had every intention of returning my call, but her next door neighbor came in, a lady that also is on the dating sights and she mentioned that she had gone out on 2 dates with a Mel and her Mel had a very funny profile too. Not wanting to date the same man, she just let my heels cool. (Women can do that). When my New Year Greeting arrived on Saturday, her neighbor was over having a New Year glass of wine and explained that I was NOT her Mel. So in a hysterical email she LOLed her way back into my favor and immediately called me LOLing even more. Okay, now you've got the background.

So we talk for a full 2 1/2 hours and make plans for a meeting last night for a "meet and greet" at a local lounge. Let's give this lady a name.How about Myrtle? During our 2 1/2 hour discussion, she tells me that her cards are all on the table, no secrets. That is why she posts 15 pictures of herself online. All poses and all positions showing no surprises when her perspective date meets her and she also mentions that she wears a size 14. Not knowing how big a size 14 is, but I know it's not a 6, I reply, "As long as you look like your pictures" and she assured me she did. We hung up and I was prepared for my date with adorable Myrtle. I know you ladies out there are laughing now, because a size 14 is not adorable. But in my mind, I'm picturing Myrtle all cute and petite, just like her photos. In my mind, the whole size 14 thing was a mix up and decency would prevail.

Just then my phone rang and it was my friend Kim calling to see how my New Year was. I told her I couldn't chat, as I was getting ready for my date with the adorable Myrtle and she asked a few questions and her size 14 came up. Kim said, "Oh boy, look out, size 14 is BIG"! I almost got angry at her for insinuating that my date was fat! How rude! We hung up.

I had to drive about 30 minutes to get to North Scottsdale where my meeting was to be and I showed up right at 7, on time. she was a few minutes late. I sat in the foyer of this lounge waiting, as a fat woman approached the front door.OH SHIT!!!!! How could she say she looked like her pictures, when her pictures showed a thin to average lady and this was a porker! As she walked in ahead of me, me always being the gentleman, I couldn't take my eyes off of her giant ass and some of the gyrations it did in accommodating her walk. It kind of looked like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket. We went to a table and were seated and to my pleasant surprise, she was as pleasant in person as she was on the phone. She had discussed that she was going on a diet starting today and she wouldn't be much fun for awhile and I tried to picture her with 1/3 off. After awhile, her cute little "down under" accent got annoying as I couldn't understand what she was saying and had to keep stopping her to ask. Then I realized she had 52 years to lose that weight and she wasn't going to do it for me. I think it was then that I asked her if she might want to get together again and she looked at me and said, no she just wasn't feeling the connection! I had no intention of seeing her again, unless it was to an all you can eat buffet, I was just looking for some assurance. So let this be a lesson to you, fat girls have preferences too!

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