Friday, April 3, 2009

Picking Up the Roach Coach... and Breeders.

After 35 years of begging, finagling, conning, and promising things to people, once again I found myself on a side trip while picking up my latest purchase in an attempt to support myself. Asking a friend (LJ) to give me a ride to the Kia dealer entails a quick trip to Whole Foods for her to purchase lunch for her Vegan mother tomorrow, as she has planned a visit. Whatever! Grocery stores in general have never been my favorite places, in fact they represent one of the reasons that I got married 3 times. Add the carnival atmosphere of Whole Foods and I think I could arrange a full blown panic attack! My driver/friend was roaming around going ouu and ahh over this and that, while I was ever cognisant of my surroundings. One thing that caught my eye was a Hybrid taxi pulling up and two morbidly obese women getting out and racing to the front door to get in. It kind of reminded me of children rushing to get into Disneyland. They reached the carts and fought over who got the first one. As I watched with a look of amazement on my face, I just couldn't fathom why anyone could so excited about just food. As they prowled the isles and grazed on free samples, I got the idea for this blog entry. My friend snapped a picture with her camera phone and I was ready to write and roll.

Concluding our business at the grocery, we headed to Peoria Kia. On the ride, LJ and I discussed her quickly growing pile of photo speeding tickets and asked my advice on what to do about it. I explained that my friend Marsha has her own collection and she uses them as place mats for when guests come to dinner. We continued driving West. Arriving at our location, I asked LJ if she could wait while I made sure everything was okay and that the car actually started. We went back to look at the creature and LJ's first reaction was, "Are you still gonna buy it"? In this business, when we see a car like that we refer to it as a RAT. This car was a rat, but my word is my bond and once you back out of a deal for whatever reason, they stop calling you. With my heart in my mouth, I went into the office and paid for the beast. That's another thing that's changed in the car business. We NEVER had to pay for cars in advance. It wasn't unusual to have $50,000 worth of someone else's inventory in your possession and until they had a clear title, you weren't expected to pay for them. Now, if you even slam the door on a car, it had better be your car that you were slamming the door on.

Although this car looked like a family of goats lived in it for the past 6 months, I climbed in and drove it off. I'm going to have to repaint the rear bumper cover and detail the living hell out of it, pinstripe it and the next time anyone sees it, they'll think, "ah clean"... and of course I'll explain how I like to "Cherry Pick" the dealer's inventories. It's amazing what a little soap and water can do.

After finishing cleaning the car for a little while, I got on the computer and searched for a perspective wife and I felt that I had to share this beauty with everyone. Isn't it amazing what is allowed to breed? This charming lady claims to be 46. Her 2 sons look 46! Back to the drawing board...


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