Saturday, December 8, 2007

1051 Days without a Drink!

When I awoke this morning, I had a headache and it reminded me of the hundreds of literally thousands of days that I awoke with a headache, but they were of self inflicted origin. Hi, my name is Mel and I'm an alcoholic. I never joined AA, but that was because I was a silent drunk. The kind that has a few drinks in public and goes home to do the rest of the damage. I only needed it to sleep, I would tell myself. It's the same as taking a sleeping pill. What's the damage? It relaxes me. It gives me a little time off from the real world. I'll stop next month when things are easier. These are all things that I lied to myself about, when the real truth was I was and am suffering from the disease of Alcoholism. I heard it was a disease, but how could it be if I could stop any time I want? I'm just not ready. Well guess what? I was never going to be ready. One time I went to the doctor for a blood test and he took me aside and told me that my liver was showing some abuse and it's the type of abuse that they associate with alcoholism. I broke out into a cold sweat and immediately changed doctors. It's true. I didn't want the medical field to know of my problem, because as soon as they found out, my insurance company would not cover any alcohol related problems, as they would be "pre-existing conditions", a real no no in life.

I made alcoholic rules for myself. I never missed work as a result of drinking too much and I never started drinking until 5 PM, a legitimate hour to start. I always made sure that I would be at a drinking kind of place at 5 PM, which excluded children's school events, sporting events that didn't serve alcohol and most dinner invitations. I had it down pat. By the way, alcoholics don't go to the movies either! It got to where I'd arrange to have any or all medical examinations in the beginning of the year and I'd have to abstain from drinking for at least a 30 day period for my liver to heal. Believe it or not, that worked. I'd suffer through a period without my best friend alcohol and I'd have a healthy liver 30 to 60 days later. Being a drunk was NOT easy!

After countless failed relationships due to alcohol, and the other party never even knew that was the reason. My mood swings were the real reason, but I never said I was having them because I was a drunk. I was just moody, male PMS if you will? Thank God I never got arrested for drinking and driving, because I did my share of that too. That might be a bad thing that I never got caught, as that would have been my "bottom"!

The Lord works in mysterious ways, because one day I awoke in a hospital setting, as described in "Has This Ever Happened to You" and I was shocked, pleased to be alive to say the least and decided that if God let me continue to live, I wanted to do it without that haze of confusion that forms a cloud around you when you are a drunk.

Here is the best part about going through sobriety. I always thought it was going to be a daily struggle to stay sober, but once you accept that you're not just on the wagon, you simply DON'T DRINK, it's easy. I never suffered a day wanting to drink. I NEVER missed it! What a relief.. I thank God every day for taking that monkey off my back..

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