Gotta Feed the Dogs...

Dinner time for the Dynamic Duo
Today was an interesting day, to say the least. I awakened bright and early before 8 and faked it for about 15 minutes to enjoy a few extra minutes in bed as the bladders were about to burst on the Dynamic Duo, Bogie and Zoie. They finally talked me into getting up around 7:50 AM. I enjoyed a leisurely morning and decided I needed to get out of this house and readied for the auction today. Rumor has it that late December auctions render some great buys at the wholesale level, but you couldn't prove it by me.

After the auction, I was getting pretty hungry and in spite of the fact that I was alone, I decided to stop at my favorite Chinese Restaurant for lunch. Low and behold, it was old home week at the restaurant. I got to see Lim, my retired old waitress and she introduced me to her new granddaughter. The granddaughter was American and I remarked that it looks like a local boy got into the woodshed. Laughter roared from about 4 tables around me. Lim is about 60 years old and has a good sense of humor, thank goodness.... I've been frequenting this restaurant for about 30 years and know the family pretty well. After lunch, I had this job to do that I dread............shopping for Max. What do you buy for a 3 1/2 year old? I was driving towards the 51 on Indian School Rd. When I decided to call Julie to see if she wanted to go shopping. When she answered, she was already at Arizona Mills shopping, having taken the day off. She invited me to meet her there. When I got to the freeway, all I had to do was change directions and head South instead of North. I told her I thought I'd be there in 15 minutes and we were to meet in the food court. She said to park in 4, no 5, no 4, got all that? Me neither. Look for Virgin Records, she'll be in the food court by the game area. I listened, nodding my head, knowing that Julie's sense of direction is as bad as mine.


As I drove down the 51 and then the 10, I thought to myself as I noticed my speed was at about 85, that my exit was 1/4 mile ahead. I crossed 4 lanes, but didn't have the nerve to terrorize the little old lady in the Honda that was driving at about 50 MPH in the right lane. I missed my exit and was forced to drive about 4 miles extra.


All and all I made pretty good time and called Julie when I was at the shopping center to announce my arrival. I found the food court without a lot of trouble and called Jules again. This time I could see her waving at me with a mouthful of french fries, mumbling something indistinguishable. Julie is a health nut. She only eats the finest of the fried foods when drown in trans fat of the highest quality. She is the one that got me hooked on fried chicken, but only when it's fried to perfection and oozing the highest of quality grease!

She tossed her lunch before she tossed her cookies and we headed out to do some serious shopping. First stop, the toy store whose name escapes me. As we entered, a young heavy set lad was dressed in shorts and a belly. You can always tell newcomers to AZ, they dress inappropriately for the weather. It was 40 degrees this morning and this goof was wearing shorts. I was wearing a suede jacket and he had shorts on. He asked if he could help us and I replied that I was looking for a main Christmas toy for a boy, 3 1/2 years old. He rubbed his chin and announced, that's a tough one! Julie told him we'd just look around.
He was of no help whatsoever. We took the 50 cent tour and split. I asked where there was a Sears? They always have a toy department. Well, there wasn't a Sears there. We decided that if we were going to get Max a Christmas toy, we'd better go to Toys R Us in Paradise Valley, right by my house. We went to out vehicles and took off separately.


The next part is very personal and can only be disclosed with the utmost of caution as it is a very delicate subject, shh.... Julie is experiencing her "time of the month", wink, and shared with me that she needed to change her "dealybob", wink. She told me that she would be a few minutes late, as she was going to stop at a drug store and buy "dealybobs"... I was good with that and even called her from my car to remind her that she had left "dealybobs" at my house from last month. She yelled into the phone that she wanted to stop at a drug store............okay! I continued driving. Well evidently Julie was trying out some new ways to get to Tempe, South Phoenix and the Belgium Congo, because the next time I called she was completely lost and explained that she was pretty far away, still. I had reached Toys R Us. I browsed around looking for experienced grandparents to follow as that is no place to get caught alone! So many toys and so little information. I had pretty much settled on a Karaoke Machine for Max, but when Julie got there she explained it was only a port for an iPod with a microphone. I quickly put it back, glad she was there, as I am NOT toy friendly..

After cruising the store for about 10 minutes, Julie indicated to me that she REALLY needed to change her dealybob! Oh, I thought you had taken care of that already, but she had not. Now the question was, where do you buy those at Toys R Us? I started to approach a introverted looking woman at the cashier's counter that was alone, but Julie took off in embarrassment. I asked where she could buy Tampons around there? She was taking waaay too much time thinking about it as I watched Julie leave the store and head towards the dollar store. That's when the little introvert said, hmmm..... The Dollar Store is next door, they might carry them. I thanked her and was leaving as she was reciting the names of every drug store chain in the United States...

I caught up to Jules when she was walking in the door at the Dollar Store. She had already zeroed in on their dealybob selection and I was amazed that they actually sold those at the dollar store. With knowing hands, she ripped open the box withdrawing one and asked me to get in line and pay for them as she used the ladies room... Here was the problem. I headed to the front of the store and got in line behind a woman that had 343 items in her basket and we were 10th in line and there was only one cashier. I stood there for about 10 minutes when Julie tapped me on the shoulder and said we can't wait that long for a box of dealybobs that already been opened. She grabbed the ripped box from my hand, put in down on the very first shelf she saw and we exited the store, laughing like a couple of hyenas at feeding time, as we ran back to Toys R Us!!!!


By the time we left the toy store with a handful of junk, mostly for Julie's grand kids, it was time to go home and feed the Dynamic Duo, Bogie and Zoie... To say they were glad to see Julie was an understatement, they thought we broke up, so did I! I fed the dogs and we headed to Costco for round number 3...


We got to Costco at about 5 PM and the height of rush hour. We parked and went in. The first thing that caught our eyes were these 5 vibrating chairs that promised to do things to the human body that even contortionists can't do. We had to muscle 2 old ladies out of the chairs to even get a turn. I used one of my old tricks to get them to get up. I told them we were from the power company that these chairs have been reported for electrocuting customers, worked like a charm.... One lady maneuvered her way out of the chair and back into her wheelchair before rolling away screaming! Humph! We twisted and contorted for about 10 minutes when management, an old woman with a pot belly, came over and said there were free ice cream bar samples in isle 3, so we left. Our total purchase at Costco was 4 Lb of pistachio nuts, which is how I met Julie, 16 cupcakes for the loading dock crew, and a gross of Altoids for Julie's bad breath. We must have walked 10 miles in total and I don't remember having that much fun since we went hiking!!!