Monday, December 17, 2007

The Continuing Saga of the Fallen Computer, Emily...

When we left off yesterday, I explained how I was chastised by the Lovely Jules, for not backing up my "stuff", and I believe there were several blahs involved.
Last night Jaime called me. Jaime is the sum total of my accounts receivable at the faltering Airport Enterprises, where I am owner and CEO. Not only is Jaime the sum total of my accounts receivable, but she is down to her last payment that I'm anxious to collect to close the books on credit customers. In her high pitched voice that always sounds like she is asking a question, she asked, "are we allowed to make half payments"? When you're hungry, a half a sandwich is not as good as a whole sandwich, but it satisfies you half as much. I quickly checked the rule book on half payments and told her that would be fine. She arranged to meet me at the lot about noon. I called Paul and spread some of my Christmas cheer to him and asked if he was going to be around. I wanted to introduce Emily to him to see if he could help her laboring condition. As I was finishing carrying out her tower, monitor, keyboard, and speakers, my phone rang and it was none other than my ex-wife Barbara. When Barbara calls, it's NEVER good news. It's more than likely a new problem that I have no business dealing with, that I jump into with both feet, but not this time, I've learned over the years... We have been divorced for 27 years, praise the Lord!
She started spouting off about our son and his awful wife and the atrocities that they're put her through, although she only means well and is truly the salt of the Earth. I've learned over the years that if I just listen to her and agree with her that things go better in the long run, so I did. I gave her 5 "poor you's" and about 9 "oh, for goodness sakes"and we were ready to hang up. We did. I picked up whatever I had dropped and left for my meeting with Jaime.
Jaime was a good hour late which is typical for her and in the meanwhile Paul got pretty interested in Emily. The first thing he said was that he had the same machine, what a coincidence. I told we cheapskates buy eMachines! He had Emily apart and took an airgun and gave her a good blowing out. (you know I was tempted to call it something else, don't you?) Dog dander and dust blew everywhere, we were amazed. It looked like the space shuttle landed! All he did was put her together and remark that dust is an electricity conductor and I'm lucky it didn't short Emily out. He put her back together, plugged her in and she purred like a kitten. From the depths of my pocket, I withdrew my 2 Gig, Cruzer, Sandisk, the one that was given to me by an old formerly intimate friend of the opposite sex, about 5'6" and 120 LB with a great rack. I politely asked Paul if he could transfer my "Documents" from Emily onto the Cruzer so I could have them to have and to hold. With a knowing eye raised just a little higher than the unknowing one, he answered SURE! With a mighty click of the mouse and then another and a third, Paul pressed all of the right buttons and sure enough Emily was spilling her guts! In a matter of seconds the entire contents of my "Documents" was transferred to the Cruzer, even my porn. No sooner had she finished relieving herself of my important, life saving "Document", we heard a glug and a cramf and a gurgle and Emily died right there on the spot. Paul said he'd have a look at her later and it might have been her "power supply", something my formerly intimate friend knows something about... I left...
If you ever read my blog again and see an innocent child or a sweet old woman petting a kitten, you can thank Paul for it all!

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